Wednesday, December 31, 2008


1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before? I went to visit Steph and her husband T in St. Petersburg, FL

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don’t want to talk about my resolutions. I resolve to be a better person in 2009 than I was in 2008.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes

4. Did anyone close to you die? Yes my neighbor Mike passed away and a client.

5. What countries did you visit? Never left the USA but I traveled far and wide in my dreams.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? ONE JOB!!

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why. My birthday vacation to see Steph. I saw history being made with the election of Obama.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I don’t feel I achieved a lot this year.I got my student loan paid off.

9. What was your biggest failure this year? Not knowing what I achieved; self-doubt; feeling inadequate; forgetting who I am.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Only my pride was wounded.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Breaks and tires

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? The little people who everyday do the right thing no matter how hard it is just because it is the right thing to do.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Where can I start AIG, FORD, GM, Bush, etc.

14. Where did most of your money go? Car payment, house payment.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Did I tell you I got to go to Florida to see Steph for my birthday?

16. What song will always remind you of 2008? Heck I don't have a clue.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder? Got a big old case of the blues
ii. Thinner or fatter? Fatter.
iii .richer or poorer? Poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more? Hanging out with friends, traveling, exercising.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Working.
20. How will you be spending Christmas? Here in Nashville with my family.
21. Did you fall in love in 2008? You know I thought I had but then I pulled my head out of my ass and realized it wasn’t love at all but gas.

22. How many one-night stands? 2 or 3 .

23. What was your favorite TV program? TV? I like CSI, NCIS, How I Met Your Mother

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I don't hate people but I sure as heck don't really like a few people anymore.

25. What was the best book you read? Nothing really rocked me this year.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? That band that sings that sing about that thing . Does Neil Patrick Harris have a band yet?

27. What did you want and get? The greatest friends in the world. I am so blessed with a great group friends whom I would not trade for the world. Ok maybe one of I would trade but only for the cash.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? I can’t remember what I saw

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I was 38. On my birthday I went to dinner with my family. For my birthday Libby gave me a cooking class at Viking and if I have not told Steph flew me to Florida for my birthday!!!

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Staying true to who I am.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? Are shoulder pads still in style?

32. What kept you sane? At this point I am not sure I am still sane. I feel like I have slipped off and really lost part of who I am.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I am over them.

34. What political issue stirred you the most? The War, Gun Control, Equal Human Rights, THE 2008 PRESIDENTAL ELECTION

35. Who did you miss this year? Jonathan and myself.

36. Who was the best new person you met? I really got a chance to meet and talk with T while I was in Florida. I honestly like that guy.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:Sometimes life just freakin sucks.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: “We Shall Over Come”

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Uncle Jay's Thoughts on 2008

Yeah yeah I know in 2009 I will learn to imbed links in my blogg.

HEY YOU!! Stop laughing I will. Really I am serious.

Monday, December 29, 2008

And some where the stars of "How do I look?" die

Did you see it. I sure as hell caught it in today's paper Plaid and those leather red wings with the leather shoe laces are back in style. And I get to do a little dance that all my plaid flannel is once again cool. I mean like I really care it is warm. So is silk but I don't have to dry clean flannel. So can I do the whole grunge thing again that I was doing way before it was cool? SHUT UP SHAMUS! Once again hanging on to old clothes has paid off and I don't have to rush out and buy it when I own vintage. I know you want to touch me don't you? Sit next to me in class because I am so cool. Yeah I thought so. I am THE FERN.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Not the normal

I am still working on my normal New Years Post however I have been thinking back deeper on 2008 and what I want for myself in 2009. What I want to accomplish.

I have spent much of 2008 in a funk it could probably be better classified as depression. My normal News Years Post is all depressing so I am going to fix it before Wednesday. My bloggs have been depressing. Why write and bring down all 4 of you? I want to let go of this I am not good enough. A lot of my issues this year stem from a feeling of inadequacy. I am a poor writer face it my English sucks and I live here. I have run on sentences and badly formed paragraphs etc. I have extremely limited computer skills and I lack a college degree. I want to be Steph’s # 55 and find my fantastic attitude. I seem to have lost that. I miss that girl. Hell I am smart and I know my stuff. I am a well informed person and pretty well read. And I am funny as hell. I want to find that again.

So 2009 is going to be fine. I want to get out of debt. My mortgage will not be what I am getting out of but my car should be paid off by February. That statement could come back to bite me in the ass as in my family we pay off a car and then it gets totaled so before I mail the last payment I am going to take a spirit stick to my car and bless it I might even burn a candle of protection in it just to be safe.

Then Discover will get their money. I can start paying them off. There are a few more out there and I will have to go digging through and find them. But I am not to worried people who you owe money to have a way of finding you.

I would like to spend less time working in 2009 and as I get bills paid off that should happen.

Things at work are slatted to change in the first few months of 2009 though this has been a promise for sometime the staying has a lot to do with the feelings of inadequacy. And now so does the economy. I have got to decide in 2009 if this is what I want to do.

Somewhere in all of this I have got to get back to school.

I have a list of things I NEED to get done around the house. Most of these I put off working on this year because I have been in such a funk I want to spend more time out doors in the sun digging in the dirt. I want to get my house clean and keep it that way. And I would love to knock at least 2 things off my home to do list (things like new screen doors, garage door, paint, etc) things that don’t have to be done but need to be.

I want to get back to eating better. I used to never hit the drive thru and I want to get back to doing things that way. I want to start to exercise again which should help with the funk thing.

I have got to get to where I set a goal and stick to it. How many times have we done this in 2008? I am going to eat better and work out more and I never get there. I never get out of bed and the next morning I am in the drive thru at Hardies.

I used to write in my personal journal nightly and then record my dreams each morning. Once a week I would go back and study those dreams. I miss that too.

I miss time with friends and want to spend more time in 2009 with people I love and enjoy spending time with.

My resolution each year is to be a better person at the end of the year than I was at the beginning I still have not put my finger on what I have done this year to better myself. What deep personal growth I have done. I am though one to believe that I might not see right now what lessons I have gained this year I am sure that one day down the road it will come to me in one of those big huge AAHA moments when I realize I was not that stagnate after all.

Other thoughts and challenges that have arisen.

Leave it to Steph. Before I left to work on this I had left my status on facebook at thinking of my goals for 2009. She has commented to me do the 9 fun things in 2009 with me from our 43 things list well there sister what about we here and now plan a girls weekend for 2009. Then we can work on staying in touch with friends.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Christmas Memories

My Mom made my sister and I dresses and sewed bells in the hem so when we walked they would jingle.

I remember the Christmas it was 17 below here in Nashville and the pipes froze and the guy at the HoJo told us if we would bring our own towels and soap and stay off the beds he would let us shower FOR FREE.

I remember waking my parents up at 5:30 on Christmas Mornings and them begging us to go back to bed.

My Dad going down stairs before all of us to turn on the tree lights and getting the camera. Then standing at the top of the den stairs with our mouths open.

The boss my Mom had who would slaughter a hog and give FRESH Sausage as his gift and his wife would make fresh butter. YUMMY


The year my folks had the Swine Flu and were so sick

Mrs. Hayden taking me shopping because my folks were to sick at that new mall in Antioch.

Seeing Santa at 100 Oaks and then again at Harding Mall and asking how he could be in both places.

Walking up the hill at 100 Oaks

The talking Christmas Tree at 100 Oaks

Going to Sears Downtown

The Candle Light Carol Service at Church.
My Bike
My Barbie Dream House
A TV for MY ROOM!!

New Jammies

How if you didn't get socks and underwear it just wasn't Christmas.

The Christmas my Grand Mamie was in the hospital and we stayed at her house in Atlanta and asking how would Santa find us.

My Donny and Marie Barbie Dolls

Leaving School and Steph and I having a car full of dirty laundry.

The thousand lights per branch on the tree

Making Christmas Ornaments that my Mom still hangs on the tree

Decorating the tree and the Ornaments feeling like long lost treasures as we hung them on the tree

My Snow Suit

The fountain I got that spoke to my heart

The Hand Painted Platter

May each of your Christmases be filled with warm memories of Christmases past and full of memories for the future.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Dear Oprah

Hi Sister. I see again that you are talking about your weight. How you have just put it on. Me too. You say I know what to do and I have the tools and here I am again. Well I feel you I really do. I have put on weight and I started smoking again UGH! Seven years I went without smoking then one day I went and bought a pack. That didn't help me lose weight. I know what I need to do. I know how I should eat. But I don't do it. It's that pesky french fry rule.

It makes me feel so much better that someone who can afford to pay for someone to cook each meal for them still fights the same fight. That it is not just a battle of anyone person or group. When I was at my bone skinnest I would avoid sweets and fried foods and people would say you can afford a peice of cake. I would look them in the face and reply "I have to work just as hard to keep it off as you do to get it off."

But I just stopped working. You are not saying anything to yourself that anyone who has fought the battle of scale has not said. Never again! Only to find yourself there again. You are not alone.

Friday, December 05, 2008

Angry Blogging

"Simpson was not an individual storming a bank and taking property that belonged to others" in the September 2007 incident, the defense's sentencing memorandum said. "This was an individual who truly believed he was not committing a crime and that the law permitted the recovery of one's own property. Apparently that belief was mistaken."(

I wonder is that the way he felt about Nicole too? I mean he was going after what belonged to him. Right?!?!

So right now I sit here and I wait to see how they sentence him. I think this might be the perfect time to let go of the ANGRY Blogging I have been doing. I have been full of negativity here lately. And frankly I don't like it. So I have to move to fix it. So poke me when I am getting all negative.

Maybe I should make a things that bring me joy list like Stephly instead of things that annoy the crap out of me. She might have something there. If I keep this up I might come off her list. I wouldn't want that.

Here's one OJ GOT 15 YEARS DO DA DO DA.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Excuse me while I pitch a Bitch

So yesterday with the cold and the snow and the gray skies I was blue and not all happy smurf blue happy pants. I was pity party blue pissy whoa is me blue. I am still not thrilled but I am not throwing myself under the bus blue either. I am cramping to is that what you want to hear? Which is really rare for me I don’t cramp often.

Plus I am having a zillion people over to my house for a Christmas Party and I have fleas yes freakin fleas people and I have vacuumed and thrown out the bag and done it again I have done it 7 times and I still have fleas. I have sprayed my carpet with TOXIC flea spray and almost killed myself and I still have fleas. And how do I know I almost killed myself because my fucking tongue started to swell that’s how. But damn my carpets are clean. Through this do you know what is sad? When I vacuum each day I am still finding cobwebs and big dust bunnies that I missed the day before? You would think that after I have vacuumed the house for 3 days in a row I would have found all the cobwebs but hell no, so that ticks me off.
And you want to know what else ticks me off cause I have a list:

1. People that call back and say yea I got a call from this number. I am sure you did listen to your DAMN voicemail I freakin left you one. 2. People that bring their kids to a job interview HELLO DUMB ASS you are applying for a job not looking for a day care. 3. People that call and say ya I filled out an application and was wondering if my background check was back. OK and who the HELL ARE YOU? 4. People who don't do the wave when you let them in traffic. 5. That whole pants down around the ass thing. 6. That hair growing out of my chin. 7. Liars 8. Ford, GM, Crysler WHY DON'T YOU fire one or two of your Million dollar Executives, oh and now you figure out you need to leave your plane at home. 9. AIG 10. People that are mean to the helpless. 11. People that are RUDE to servers. 12. Comcast 13. Gum on my shoe.
14. Garden Gnomes. 15. Dust I mean what’s up with that? 16. Hard headed people, kinda poses a problem doesn't it. 17. Cold coffee. 18. burned cookies. 19. Daylight savings time. 20. Dry lips 21. They canceled Sports Night; I am still not over that. 22. Wet news papers 23. Rotten veggies. 24.A plastic fork at Fazoli’s who the hell came up with the idea that spaghetti could be eat well with a plastic fork? 25. The Spork I mean WTF? 26. The dude in front of me at the bank drive through that does not have his stuff ready. 27. People who park in handicapped spaces because they are to freakin lazy to walk so they borrow someone’s card. 28. Sean Hannity 29. Those fools that don’t put their buggy back and just leave it to roll through the parking lot. 30. That person that rides in the left lane and won’t merge so I can pass his ass. 31. People who litter. 32. Fleas 33. Warm beer 34. Brussels sprouts. 35. People who sit there and eat while their kids are screaming their heads off. I get you are making a point but make your point at home and not at the restaurant I am eating at. 36. People who don’t leash their dogs. 37. The medical treatment of our wounded soldiers by the United States Government. 38. The fact some of my ex’s are still breathing. 39. Baggage fees by the airlines. 40. Michael Jackson 41. O.J. Simpson. 42. People that say it will happen when you least expect it. Bite me! 43. The movie Hudson Hawk. I could have put that time in toward my mandatory community service. 44. Cramps. 45. I ma sure I have more so look out.

Friday, November 21, 2008


So this week Kristine over at Random and Odd told us to do ouice cream well since I am avoiding junk food in order to lose weight by my Christmas Party I had to pull something out of my archive. I bought this at Ben and Jerry's and it is Chocolate something or another. Did you play?

Monday, November 17, 2008

Good Intentions

Well I think I have finally found a reason to get back into eating right. We all know that I am really good at this whole road to hell thing. I am full of good intentions but not so good with the follow though. I have about 3 and half weeks to lose 10 pounds would rather it be 15 but I will settle for the 10. I know we have been here before but if I don’t have reason this time I don’t know that I ever will. I have very recently started talking to people I went to high school; with girls I have not seen in 20 years. I am going to ask them and their husbands to my and David’s big huge Christmas blow out. I need to look good to see them. I feel like a fat cow. MOOOOO.

I will send out the invites this week so yours should be coming. I am going to email them, which I know would cause Miss. Manners and my Mother to die at the lack of etiquette but well you all will live. I am also debating do I send invites to people who live far away who I know wont make it although I would love to see them? I mean it is not a printing and stamp cost. So if you are going to be in Nashville on the 13th let me know and I’ll give you my address.

So I have to stop going through the drive thru PERIOD. I was much easier to not do that when all they took was cash and if you didn’t have any you ate at home plan and simple. If I don’t have cash I can’t spend it right. WRONG I have a debit card and now everyone and their brother takes plastic. Hell Krystals takes plastic. OK the point to this I have to stop now so I can be skinny and cute for this party

Can I do it this time? I have doubts that was until Steplys wrote her 100 Fav things blog and my fantastic attitude toward life was number 55. So I guess that means I need to take that attitude and get with it. Somehow friends seem to know when you need that little nudge.

Have I always been this lacking in a follow through? Is this depression? I don’t know but I have 3 ½ weeks to drop so weight.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

7 Deadly Sins

So I have been thinking about that abomination that is homosexuality Which then got me to thinking about the 7 deadly sins. So I looked them up YAY for the google search engine. And my Internet crashed. Yep I am that evil. So I get it back up and look em up. They are lust , gluttony , greed, sloth , wrath, envy,and Pride. Nope I don't see gay do you? So there was a test on how big a seven deadly sinner are you? I was kind of surprised I thought I was a much bigger sinner than that. I do love to eat and eat and eat. Gluttony. And I don't know if you know this or not but I am not a virgin. The shock the horror. I also enjoy a good drink and I want KB's. I have been known to give my wrath to people. But anyway here is my test. I was really just looking for some ammunition against those people who come swinging there Bibles at me.

Envy:Very Low

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

It's about love

I have thought many of these same things over the last week or so.

Debt of Gratitude

Having been called a Pinko Fascist Communist Liberal among other things. I have been called what is wrong with this country because I am a Liberal. But What many Conservatives fail to understand is what I am acutely aware of. And if they do understand I am not picking up on it.

I am the way I am because some Mother gave up her son and a Father lost a daughter. A child lost a parent and some lost a friend and the list goes on and on and on.

I know that my right to think what I think and choose how I want to worship. To say I think Bush sucks as a President is a right I have had bestowed upon me by "the sacrifice of the few for the many" Might right to not agree with war has been given to me by those who have fought so I can say that. That is what I know. Someone fought and died to give me the rights I have today. My right to VOTE , MY RIGHT to not want a gun in my home , see that MY RIGHT. OUR RIGHT. I get to be a Pinko Fascist Communist Liberal among other things because of Veterans past and present.


Monday, November 10, 2008


So if I was to tell you I saw a UFO would you believe me? Well here it is the UFO I saw. OK OK I know I know it is not really a UFO but it makes me think about well hell lots of shit. I have been lazy and have not posted a picture in a while so I thought why not post the picture of the UFO from the parking lot carnival they had set up in the Kroger parking lot. I wanted to see if I could get some cool pictures with my camera. Yep I am a sucky photographer I need to add that to my 43things be a better photographer. I have like 39 things on my list of 43things. You can do one on line like me and be all cool and what not. I know you are breathing easier now. Like WHOA I could be a cool kid. Which I never was and really pride myslef on not being but being me. Well I am babbling again. I know that your lifes goal is to be cool like me. So if you add 43things you'll be half way there. Though I will tell you my 43things that are really 39 things is not under ferngoddess but ferngirl4 so why don't you go to 43things do a 43things and then come back and tell me I did 43things and this is my screen name or better yet do 43things then go to Random and Odd and post a comment there and Kristine will be like WTF are you people posting shit about 43things on my site.
OK don't really go to R&O and post 43things.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Joe the Plumber Meet Joe the Vice President

I think that says enough don't you?
Now we are going to force you all into a Gay Marriage and make you change your middle name to Hussein.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008


Transcript of Obama’s Victory Speech last night in Chicago.

Hello, Chicago.

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.

It’s the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen, by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different, that their voices could be that difference.

It’s the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled. Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been just a collection of individuals or a collection of red states and blue states.

We are, and always will be, the United States of America.

It’s the answer that led those who’ve been told for so long by so many to be cynical and fearful and doubtful about what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.

It’s been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this date in this election at this defining moment change has come to America.

A little bit earlier this evening, I received an extraordinarily gracious call from Sen. McCain.

Sen. McCain fought long and hard in this campaign. And he’s fought even longer and harder for the country that he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine. We are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader.

I congratulate him; I congratulate Gov. Palin for all that they’ve achieved. And I look forward to working with them to renew this nation’s promise in the months ahead.

I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart, and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the streets of Scranton and rode with on the train home to Delaware, the vice president-elect of the United States, Joe Biden.

And I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last 16 years the rock of our family, the love of my life, the nation’s next first lady Michelle Obama.

Sasha and Malia I love you both more than you can imagine. And you have earned the new puppy that’s coming with us to the new White House.

And while she’s no longer with us, I know my grandmother’s watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight. I know that my debt to them is beyond measure.

To my sister Maya, my sister Alma, all my other brothers and sisters, thank you so much for all the support that you’ve given me. I am grateful to them.

And to my campaign manager, David Plouffe, the unsung hero of this campaign, who built the best — the best political campaign, I think, in the history of the United States of America.

To my chief strategist David Axelrod who’s been a partner with me every step of the way.

To the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what you’ve sacrificed to get it done.

But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to. It belongs to you. It belongs to you.

I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn’t start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington. It began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston. It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give $5 and $10 and $20 to the cause.

It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generation’s apathy who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep.

It drew strength from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on doors of perfect strangers, and from the millions of Americans who volunteered and organized and proved that more than two centuries later a government of the people, by the people, and for the people has not perished from the Earth.

This is your victory.

And I know you didn’t do this just to win an election. And I know you didn’t do it for me.

You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime — two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century.

Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us.

There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after the children fall asleep and wonder how they’ll make the mortgage or pay their doctors’ bills or save enough for their child’s college education.

There’s new energy to harness, new jobs to be created, new schools to build, and threats to meet, alliances to repair.

The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even in one term. But, America, I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there.

I promise you, we as a people will get there.

There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won’t agree with every decision or policy I make as president. And we know the government can’t solve every problem.

But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And, above all, I will ask you to join in the work of remaking this nation, the only way it’s been done in America for 221 years — block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.

What began 21 months ago in the depths of winter cannot end on this autumn night.

This victory alone is not the change we seek. It is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were.

It can’t happen without you, without a new spirit of service, a new spirit of sacrifice.

So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism, of responsibility, where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves but each other.

Let us remember that, if this financial crisis taught us anything, it’s that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers.

In this country, we rise or fall as one nation, as one people. Let’s resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long.

Let’s remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House, a party founded on the values of self-reliance and individual liberty and national unity.

Those are values that we all share. And while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress.

As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, we are not enemies but friends. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection.

And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn, I may not have won your vote tonight, but I hear your voices. I need your help. And I will be your president, too.

And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces, to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of the world, our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand.

To those — to those who would tear the world down: We will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security: We support you. And to all those who have wondered if America’s beacon still burns as bright: Tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity and unyielding hope.

That’s the true genius of America: that America can change. Our union can be perfected. What we’ve already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.

This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that’s on my mind tonight’s about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She’s a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing: Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn’t vote for two reasons — because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.

And tonight, I think about all that she’s seen throughout her century in America — the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can’t, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.

At a time when women’s voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.

When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs, a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.

When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.

She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that “We Shall Overcome.” Yes we can.

A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination.

And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change.

Yes we can.

America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves — if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment.

This is our time, to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth, that, out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope. And where we are met with cynicism and doubts and those who tell us that we can’t, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes, we can.

Thank you. God bless you. And may God bless the United States of America.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008


I have been trying to figure out what I wanted to do today. How I wanted to handle the project of showing my vote from over at Random and Odd. I voted a few weeks ago. I have had a lot of thoughts in my head. When I voted I was really debating about waiting for today so I could get in on the excitement of it all. My right to vote is not something I take for granted despite being a pinko fascist communist liberal.

So I wanted to remind you kind folk out there that I as a women have only had the right to vote for 88 years. In the grand scheme of things that is not long. SO today I voted because that is a right that women have not had long.

Here in the South African-Americans have only had equal voting rights since 1965. People that is 43 years ago We kept people from voting based on the color of their skin. We gave them a test to judge if they should be allowed to vote and then still got to decide if they would be allowed to vote no matter what the results.

Today I wonder if Martin Luther King Jr. was alive what would he say about what is happing in the US tonight? Does this line up with his DREAM?

My sister took the day off of work to drive people to the polls to vote.

I know 7 new citizens of the United States who voted in there very first Presidential Election.

I know men and women who are severing this country so we can vote.
I have no picture because you are my picture. America is my picture. You all are my VOTE.
Each person who drove people to the polls. Each person who died fighting for the rights of United States Citizens. Each person who stood in line for a few minutes or a few hours , and each person who voted for the first time today. YOU ARE THE PICTURE

That goes here.

Monday, November 03, 2008

Where I throw-up

I can't wait for tomorrow to be over. I am sick to death of all the nasty emails from my Republican Friends. I have not received one negative McCain email. Because well Dramatics have more class. That's what I am going with. As I reported earlier I told one of them to basiclly kiss my ass when she sent me her rant on the GAY AGENDA. I am over the daily fill my in-box with this crap.
I hope that VOTE NO ON 8 in CA, NO on 2 in FLA , NO on 102 in AZ don't have the same thing happen to them that we did in TN the State of HATE.

I am over all the HATE that has been coming through.

Tomorrow Makes HISTORY no matter what.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

For Kristine

The Blog below was copied and pasted from Random and Odds Blog ( don't be asking me to link you to it. You should know me better than that. Seriously the link is over there on the right. Over a little more now scroll down and she is the last one yea right there)

I have already voted I did that last Friday and it took me all of five min. I have my "I Voted" Sticker on my computer in my office. Though I will not re use the pictures from my last I voted Blog. I encourage you to go play Stuff Portrait Tuesday. Damn that was hard to say. Anyway go vote.

As you probably noticed, I took Stuff Portrait Friday out of the line up. Yeah, I know, BAD KRISTINE!

This upcoming Tuesday is a BIG upcoming Tuesday. It’s a pee-pee tingling Tuesday! It’s a Tuesday that might change our lives forever. In honor of this super special Tuesday, I’m bringing Stuff Portrait Friday back, but on Tuesday. It’s like Saturday Night Live, but on Thursdays.

So what’s the theme? Puh-leaze, like you don’t know!

On Tuesday, November 4th, 2008 — GO VOTE! When you do, take a picture of something that represents this freedom. The pen you used. The road you took to get there. SOMETHING.
If you voted early or by mail in…on November 4th , 2008…go take a picture of something you will no longer take for granted, something that shows us you have a voice and it matters!

I don’t do this very often, but I am doing it today..and everyday until November 4th, 2008 –>If you have to; copy and paste this whole thing into your blog and blog it! Send them here to on November 4th 2008 and tell them to give me a link to their website and I promise to visit EVERY SINGLE BLOG that leaves a comment that says, “I voted, here’s my picture!” and I promise to leave a comment. (I’m asking for it huh?)
It doesn’t matter if their vote doesn’t match mine. That is what makes this country so friggin’ wonderful!

So go on, Spread the word, Stuff Portrait Friday will be here on TUESDAY NOVEMBER THE FOURTH!

If you decide to blog this blog, comment me so I can come by and shout HOO-RAW on your site!

I can’t wait to see all the pictures. I hope we hit 143.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Death by Mexican Hat Dance

The last few weeks our game night group that was a book club and is an occasional dinner club with nothing but catching up has not met.
We were supposed to meet at Libby’s new place last week but for some reason she can’t get settled into her place in four days I mean what is with that?

So when GQ emailed yesterday to say hey Fran I miss game night what’s going on. I jumped in and said I would host tonight. I don’t know if you know this or not but I am the one responsible for getting everyone together for Game Night or what ever the hell it is going to be. I send out the reminder emails I keep track of whose turn it is to host etc. And I fell off task and let it all fall to the wayside. So when GQ emailed this morning to say I didn’t check with Jack and he has school stuff he has to get done I had a mix of emotions.

I was first very disappointed. I enjoy my time with them we laugh and talk. We tease one another and we are real with each other. That might explain why the group has taken on so many transformations. We are just friends who gather to do what ever. The last time we got together we never played one game we just talked. It worked well.

Second I was rather relived. I had not gotten to the store and was going to stop on my way home and put together the stuff for our Mexican Fiesta. I was going to make Chipotle Shrimp Tacos. But I was also making a list a mile long of Mexican dishes to do and had this idea in my head that I would be feeding a small army. I was thinking beef tacos, taquitos, and Enchiladas, refried beans, rice, and taco toppings too. I had assigned folks to bring chips and salsa, guacamole and queso dip. There were going to be FOUR people counting me. Who in the hell did I think I was feeding with an idea like that in my head? I mean really. I know I can personally eat my weight in chips and dips. But lord.

If I am going to cook like that my group needs to grow. I had even looked at making my tortillas by hand. Um when did I plan on doing this? Now I do have coupons for the taquitios and Enchiladas but still I was going over board or kill.

Maybe I’ll just make devils balls for this weekend. Now the question is do I cook salmon or still try and eat my weight in chips and salsa?

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Of the things I am to old for

I learned this weekend it is those awesome road trips I used to take when I was young I am to old for. And I define road trips as being unplanned, not completely thought out. Which Jon who started this mess is good for not well thought out road trips. He is spontaneous.
Jon and his wife called me Saturday afternoon maybe around 2:30pm asking what I was doing for the next 24 hours. Once we made it through all the fore play with words. Jon informs me that he has bought a new motorcycle on eBay. Some Honda RC51 1000cc thing a ma bob. But it is Dallas. DALLAS,TX. I knew I could not drive down there and back alone. I asked him to find someone to help me drive and he did. We left out of Nashville at 1:30 AM and hit the road. We were held up an hour and a half around 6am for a wreck. If you don't know the roads in Arkansas suck bricks. At some random stop we did see the Oscar Mayer Winner Mobile. I failed to get a picture because I was driving. Sorry : (
We arrived at the Bike Shop in Dallas at 1PM. Though the bike Jon bought was not in freakin Dallas it was in FREAKIN Ft. Worth. OK not really that big a deal. Because that is why they call the airport the Dallas, Fort Worth airport. But I am giving Jon shit. Because I can and it is my job.
Jon's new bike is cool as hell.

Then we began our trip back home. I was supposed to be sleeping. As we pulled out of town I saw Six Flags

I could not get to sleep. But I did get a picture of Jon showing off on his new toy.

Still I didn't get any real sleep and when my turn came to drive I only got in a few hours of drive time in. My eyes began to cross and water. I was raising my glasses to clear my eyes. It was somewhere around Jackson that I got a new burst of energy and could see straight. I made just outside of Jackson before I was asked to pull over so I did not kill everyone in the car. At 2:30 AM and 1400 miles later we made it home. I got home and hit the hay and could not move all day Monday. I thought for sure I would just sleep late and go into work late and be fine. WRONG. Oh how wrong I was. I could not move. I took a shower with the intent of going out and grabbing some lunch surely if I ate I would feel better. I dressed and had to lay back down I went back to sleep. When I woke up again I tried to head to the door then I decided I should just order food. There is no way I could make it out the door that in and of itself took me 20 minutes. I ordered a pizza and passed out. When the pizza arrived I got a slice and ate half of it and passed out again. When I woke up 3 hours later I turned on the oven to heat my cold pizza ate the rest of my half eaten pizza and well napped again. I never did heat up the cold pizza and I still went to bed at 10 and slept all night. I was still a little hazy this morning.
I am not cut out for long road trips. That there kicked my ass.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

The Good News!!!!

As promised I am finally going to tell what I have been holding onto and has been causing me to wain on staying at Domino's. We arrived in the office on Tuesday the Sept. 30 to find a letter from the State telling us we have been approved for to provide Personal Assistant Service (PA). YAY!!! I have been waiting on this since we submitted our application, Hell I can't even remember when it has been so long.

We are still waiting on a few things. A background check on the company's owner. We have to submit a new one for this. Then send in finical statements. But as things stand now we should be providing P.A. services by the first of the year. We might start sooner but my boss is leaving the country the for the Christmas Holiday and that could put us starting after the New Year. So it looks like the last few years of hard is is going to be paying off.

This leaves me now to explain what is holding me back from looking for another second job. Not that I have changed my mind about going out there and putting in an application . I haven't and I will be looking. I will be over all the PA's. So when there are staffing issues I will be the one responsible for dealing with it. Meaning missing work at job two for problems on job one. But, I will also be getting a big fat raise with the new PA Service. UGH life.

But that is the good news.

Friday, October 17, 2008

I sent two boats

You know that old joke " There came a great rain storm and Bob told his family he was going to stay at the house and God would save him.Bob prayed for God to save and protect him. After the water level reached the porch a canoe came but Bob told them , No I am going to stay God will look after me. Bob prayed for God to save and protect him. Later the water level was at the bottom of the second floor window and a motor boat came by. They tried in vain to get Bob in the boat but he told them NO God will save me. Bob prayed for God to save and protect him. When the water had reach the roof a helicopter arrived but Bob waved them off. Bob prayed for God to save and protect him. Bob reached the pearly gates and met God he looked at him and said God how could you I was a good man I prayed and yet you did not save me. God looked at Bob and said My Son I sent 2 boats and a helicopter what more did you want me to do? "

I have begun to think I am taking this approach with finding a different second job. Though today gas has finally dropped down below $3.00 a gallon in Nashville business is still slow and tips are off. I have made-up a million reason to stay most of them involve me not taking my job that seriously and I can call in and not get fired. The job is a cake walk. Three stores in the area have closed, they are all for sale , distributors are not delivering because they are not getting paid and some pay checks are bouncing. Where I come from this is not a good sign. The owner is selling because he did not meet franchise mandates. I joked to the manager that between the four days I go without working I am never sure if when I pull in on Thursday the store will still be open.
I am going to make it my mission in the next week to apply to at least three places. I am thinking Target, Best Buys, and Restoration Hardware. They will need holiday help. After the holidays well that is on my blog list and I promise to tell you the good news I have been sitting on this weekend. At some point , maybe , if I don't think of something else.
I am also going to call you and ask to use you as a reference so sit by your phone damn it and wait.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Do you know my Secret

Last Friday I took a somewhat rare night off Domino's for a double date. With two of favorite people GQ and Jack. As my friends and readers know I am a HUGE PostSecert fan. I love Frank. Not many people/ groups warrant a second visit from me but Frank and his secrets do.

Frank was at Vanderbilt for a Facebook event last Friday night and I called up my Mom and she got the three of us tickets.
We had a totally great dinner at BrickTops it was a little pricey but it was good. If there is one near you I say give it a try. In fact our waiter looked like Frank. I had a Chilean Sea Bass that was out of this world. The food was good and it was HOT!! As in I had to let it cool off so I could eat it. I think it is always a plus when you eat out and you have to wait for the food to cool. Means it has not sat in the window waiting to come to the table. I also had a pineapple martini not as sweet as I thought it would have been but not a bad little drink it is not sweet like a pina colada.

Post Secret started as small community art project in Washington, D.C. Where people mail in their secrets anonymously The rules are as follows: It must be something you have never told anyone and it must be true. Frank says there are two kinds of secrets those we keep from others and those we keep from ourselves.

I wont say that I am an open book but the people that I trust those that know me know what I have done that shames me. Know my dark fears. Know the things about me that I don't put here in the open.
It is the secrets from myself that get in my way. Since Friday I have been thinking what am I keeping from myself? What am I to afraid to admit? When I figure it out I'll let you know.
What Secret are you keeping?

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Saving Receipts

In this quest of mine to save money I decided that this week I am going to start saving receipts I have not been doing so hot thus far. This morning I could not get a receipt for my gas from the pump and I was way too lazy to go in and ask for one. But who really wants to remember what they are paying for gas?
I also went through the drive thru at Chick-Fil-A and did not get a receipt I forgot to ask. I was thinking that if I could SEE the money I was wasting at the drive thru I might spend less. I don’t know what happened to me. When I lived in Chattanooga I made an effort to pack my lunch because I wanted to save money what happened to that woman? I never ate out and now I live in the drive thru. I had a plan and some how I lost that. We are all in a though economic time and I can’t get my shit together

So I am going to start saving my receipts to see what I am wasting each week. That is this weeks Nickel and Dime tip save your receipts. See what you waste.

Monday, October 13, 2008

I Have a List ….

I stated that I was going to start making list of blog topics. I have a running list of things that pop in my head to tell ya’ll. Right now there are ten. Count them 10. This post is not among them so I should be able to keep you busy for about 2 weeks more if I write like I usually do. There are all kinds of events coming up which make my list grow so I could in all reality keep you busy through the first part of 2009. Don’t let the shock kill you. There are much better things to die of shock over.

Speaking of shock nah I got nothing. I can’t decide if as I get older I shock easier or it is more like that whole Clay Aiken is gay shock. Where you roll your eyes and try not to choke on the sarcasm. I myself am not at all familiar with sarcasm never used use it. Some over educated dill weed of a therapist once told me I was using sarcasm to mask pain and emotion. I looked at him and said, “ya think?” But, I know that comes as a shock to you.

Though I think shock can arrive in many forms there is the

“JESUS CHRIST!!” shock, where the eyes bug out the mouth drops open and you just stand there in total stunned disbelief.

“HOLY SHIT!!” shock where you fall into a chair cover your mouth with your hand and shake your head back and forth and say “Shit/ Damn” over and over again.

“OH MY GOD!” shock where you are elated a huge grim arrives on your face you might jump up and down with delight.

Choke, Gag, Clang Shock This starts when someone makes an announcement in the middle of dinner that comes out of the blue but is typically followed by one of the above once everyone is done choking, gagging and dropping their fork. Like when your 16-year-old sister says in the middle of dinner “I’m pregnant, pass the corn.”

I think my last SHOCK was the great birthday gift I got from Stephlys I was like WOW!! The whole trip was a wow.

Other times I think the shock comes when I have devalued myself worth and I am asked to join in an event and I think “ME?” that is the shock I want to let go of the one where I am totally surprised that people value me.

Well this was a turn I was not expecting. Talk about shock.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

What was that again ?

I have this horrible habit of coming up with what I think are great subject ideas to blog about. I am working at the office or riding down the road and I will get this great idea I will start to kind of process it and think about what I want to tell you worshipers. You know I will get an outline going in my head. I get all excited about it and then it is gone.

It is not like I am just losing Political ideas I am losing that Friday Night was great idea and how it was great. I will have several ideas going and none of them come make it here. Right now in my head I have like 4 going by in the morning they will all be gone.

I have come up with what I think is going to be a more favorable solution to keeping up with my ideas which may help me blog more often. I am going to jot my ideas down as they come to me. I keep a small notebook at my desk and in my car I am just going to have it put it to use . But knowing the way my brain has been working lately I will lose the paper.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Quote for the day

( borrowed)

"As this debacle continues, and CEOs walk away with boatloadsof cash, and the government is now considering owning banks, i am reminded of an old saying (source unknown)

If you put a government agency in charge of the Sahara Desert---it would soon run out of sand!"

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Home Town Debate

I am watching the debate from my home town of Nashville, TN. I can't decide if I wish I was down there now or here at home where I am.

Nickel and Dime

Several years ago I saw this woman on the Today Show and she shopped for her family of 5 and would spend less than $20 a week. Give or take. One day last week I saw another story about a woman who feeds her family of four for about that each week. So I figured I could do this maybe not as well for many many reason. If you are going to only spend $10 to $20 week on groceries you can’t be as picky as I am. They say you need at least 2 hours a week to keep it organized

I.e. you have to be willing to buy the kind of soap that you have a coupon for. This is going to put a damper on my getting by with $20 a week.

This week after clipping my coupons from this weeks and last weeks paper I went through the sale papers looked at the sales. I went to Publix which has a penny mystery item every Sunday and Monday if you spend $10 or more I saved almost $12 and spent $81.00 but shrimp was on sale.

It is going to take a lot of work and a lot of planning but you my loyal reader will be kept up to date on how it goes.

Here are a few tips:

Here in Nashville Kroger gives you .04 cents off your total for each reusable bag you use for your groceries.

Publix has a penny item Sunday and Monday

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Again with the Gay Agenda

I have a wide group of friends some closer than others but there are just some things that we just agree to disagree on. The ones who are more conservative we just don’t talk about the liberal agenda or the right wing rhetoric. One friend every once in a blue moon I will get something that clearly shows her right thinking. I just smile and at least know that the busy Mom of two young children is thinking of me. But another in this political season has been inundating my in box with VILE HATE FILLED right wing crap. Which I had been politely just moving passed until last night when I received an email about the “Gay Agenda” apparently MacDonald’s has become a member of the National Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce (NGLCC). The email from the American Family Association was asking me to forward a form letter to MacDonald’s in protest to this action of following the “gay agenda” and to begin a boycott of the restaurant. The only protest I had been planning of MacDonald’s is the one for my waistline.

Needless to say I flipped. Told her “McDonald's will definitely be getting more of my Business I would hate to think I had been supporting HATE MONGERS. I will call them and thank them for SUPPORRTING EQUAL HUMAN RIGHTS FOR ALL HUMANS WHICH I support 100%. Places that use hate and dissemination as a means to get business have no place in my life. I will call and thank them!!!!!!
If this is the kind of HATE and Vile you are going to send please REMOVE Me from you email list!!!!!!!”

Was that a little much? Could I have just done with this last email what I had done with the rest? Sure I could. But, people who use Christ as a means to spread hate just sticks in my crawl. They are the folks that keep me out of church. People who think their sin is less than someone else’s. Plus I am a big supporter of Equal Human Rights for all Humans. I firmly believe that if you think something it not right you should stand up and take action and not just sit on your hunches and say, “well that’s just the way things are” So she was doing what she believed in and I felt it was time that I do what I believe in. That said eat more MacDonald’s.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

# 2

I have been seriously thinking of looking for another 2nd job. I am just fucking over the first 2nd job. I never in all my life thought I would still be delivering pizzas almost 4 years after I started. I wanted to have spending money for Hawaii so I decided to deliver pizzas to earn the extra cash I needed ok wanted to go and have a good time. When I came home there were bills I said I needed to pay off. Then I lost my job, my health insurance and my mind.

Some months, most months I was not paying off debt but just getting by. I have paid off my student loan and a few other bills. But gas is through the roof, business is slow, and tips are down. We went from needing 6 to 8 drivers on a Friday night to needing 3. With my hourly minimum wage and tips I have been thinking I can earn about the same thing doing retail work like maybe at Target or Dillard’s and save on gas without the ware and tear on my car. It is just a thought. Either way I have made the decision to keep working two jobs until the mountain of bills is gone even after my car is paid off. The question of course is where? Unless of course tonight is the night I hit the lottery then I will tell everyone to go to hell.

Friday, September 26, 2008


You know you are old when:

they are talking about Oprah and Phil and you think Donahue and not Doctor.

OK what do you have?

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Pinheads and Sexism

Yeah yeah yeah I am slow and I have been meaning for weeks to post this but hell here it is.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Shock or Potatoes

I am not sure what I am more shocked by the fact that Clay Aiken "The Gaykin" came out of the closet. Or that people still think that voting Republican is the way to go.

So Clay is gay. It is like going yeah and...? I had the same reaction when my buddy Ricky finally told me he was gay. He told me he was was gay and I was like OK pass the mashed potatoes. Alright not really. I went
"It is about FUCKING TIME!!! What took you so long."

Then Ricky slightly teary eyed looked at me and asked "How long have you known?"

"Um do you really really want to know?"

"Yes, Ferngoddess be honest with me."

I took a breath "the day you came sashaying in to work."

" you knew the day you meet me?"

"Yep pretty much."

" But, I didn't even know then."

"It's a power, what can I say."

Really shock would be if my red neck truck driving friend Greg told me he was going to vote Democrat.

Or that George Warde actually kept his word now that would shock me.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

38 is gonna be great

Last weekend I wrapped up a month of celebrating turning 38 , with the theme 38 is gonna be great. One of my very dearest friends flew me out to visit her and her husband T in St. Petersburg , FL. She is for all technical purposes the mother of "Fern" she gave me the name either because I stutter or she is hard of hearing. But I love her and I have missed her so we reconnected. This is how we reconnected

This is how we reconnected on Saturday

Not such a bad way to spend a Saturday! In fact I was so relaxed I fell asleep and woke myself up snoring. Which would make my personal statement I get more relaxed in the mountains make one wonder what I would be like if I was relaxed in the mountains.

We walked , ate , talked , and laughed.

T cooked for us he makes awsome pancakes and a mean pizza.

This is how we reconnected on Sunday. I woke myself up snoring again on Sunday. What can I say.

Stephlys I love you. Thank you for a fabulous weekend.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

In sequester

I came home one day last week came into my room and stayed. I have gone out to fix a plate and come back to my room. I have just felt the need for some time to myself. I get that way now and again just need my own space. Plus I do have a birthday coming up this week and I always like to reflect on how I have grown and what I would like to see for myself in the months to come.

If things go as planned right now I will have my car paid off before the end of the year. This will be a HUGE weight lifted off me. Then I can focus on my other debt. With that comes the question. Do I quit my second job and just pay off my debt as I can or do I keep the second job that I despise and get it done quicker. I have been saying for the last year or so that by the time it is cold again I wont be there, by the time the holidays roll around I wont be here, by the time I need to wear shorts again I wont be there so when I had to go out and buy new shorts this season it hurt. Now I am moving back into the cold again I am faced with do I stay or do I go? I can’t quit until my car is paid for then I am going to have to reevaluate what needs to be done. As much as I would love to walk away from the second job I do have some semblance of good sense and will probably keep it until I get stuff paid off. I do have draw backs the price of gas has gone up tremendously, people are not ordering pizza like they used to so getting tips does not happen much. Here lately it is nothing to work 3 hours and only make 5 or 6 deliveries. This is not good. But again once my car is paid off I will look at this again.

Then I have the baby thing it is still there I still want one. The desire to have children has not gone anywhere and it is still not something I am willing to negotiate with a man.

The man thing well when you work two jobs and are busy on Friday and Saturday nights dating is hard. Not that I have ever been a dater. I am more a sit at home on Friday night kinda gal. However I want the option to go out go places do things.

So I am looking forward to 38 I for the most part like where I have come from and what I have done with 37

Thursday, August 21, 2008

The R- Word

I want you all to take just a moment to look at this CUTE little video.

For those of you that don't know I work for and with people with Intellectual Disabilities. They are the lights in my life and bring me such pure joy. I don't even see the "disability". Each person is special they are active vibrant members of their community. They are Friends , Co-workers, roommates. They volunteer in the community, go to church, shop , and pay taxes. They are perceptive. They laugh , joke and play. They marry and have families. And they have FEELINGS.

They are not as some have said to stupid , dense, or intelligent to know what was going. Words hurt and they know this.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Letting Go

Sometimes we all cling to the silliest of things. I know I do. I still have tokens for River Bend in Chattanooga I have not lived in Chattanooga for 8 years now why do I need these things? I am a pack rat. So last night when the seat busted out of my all time FAVORITE pair of comfy pants. The ones I come home when I have had a crappy day and put on ,the ones when I feel bad I put on , sometimes they are my bitchy pants and any woman out there should know what I mean. So I thought twice about what I was going to do sow them up and stitch up the other holes in them or let them go. But I love em the big question is will I leave them there. Good Bye Comfy pants I will miss you.

Monday, August 11, 2008

This is the day that has No end

It is not even Noon yet in my little part of the world and I thought for sure I would be home by now. Because there is no way I could have been here this long and it not be close to three. But it is not close to three it is close to noon and has taken for freakin ever to get this late. After being in the office an hour I looked at the clock and could not believe it just nine!! I was sure that the clock on the wall in my office was dying so I keep check my watch and the clock on the computer but no this day is moving at a snails pace.
What did I do for a day like this enjoy my weekend? Which by the way was a blast. I got home from Domino's early enough to see most of the Teams enter for the Opening Ceremonies of the Olympics. Of course I cried. Libby and I waited as the United States Of America entered we commented to each other that many of the other countries that were all Asian , Black , White , or this or that but when the USA entered it was a little of this and a little of that. One team is all male because women have no rights ( IT IS FINALLY FUCKING NOON!!!) But we have it all a beautiful mix of it all and I cried. I am such a sap.
Saturday was my Adsagsona Paranormal Group Meeting we are planning a trip in October to Mountain City, TN to check out a B&B there. Once we all had gotten a room we talked about the cost things are tight for us all. We might be going some place else but we are in a wait and see mode. Due to raising cost we also lost our meeting space and we are all taking turns hosting at our houses. This months had a pool. So we all got in. Sad to say but this was the first time I have been in a swim suit all summer.
I had gotten my hands on passes to Nashville Shores (Hermitage Landing). One of my friends GQ had his kids for summer so I went with GQ, his partner Jack and the three kids. This would make twice this year I was in a swim suit. TWO DAYS IN A ROW. We had such fun. I had not been at Nashville Shores since I was small. The slides were a blast. I will say with younger folk it works best to do one adult one child.
I have no excuse for my lack of posting I keep saying I'll do it but now I am doing it. So there.
I have some really really exciting stuff coming up and I most defiantly will be writing about that. There should be a great post tomorrow about shrimp.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Back in the dating scene

So here I am back in the dating scene. As I have told you all before I am doing Plenty of Fish. I had a much wider range set up for men and was getting emails from men in their 50’s not that 50 is old because it is not. Not as old as 37 seemed when I was 18. But 50-year-old men don’t want kids. They have theirs. I take a look at the profiles and see these men state all my kids are over 18 and they have Grandkids. Younger men well they tend to lack maturity.

It is not like it is not clear on my profile. They have a spot for the question. Do you want kids? Mine says YES. I frankly don’t want to waste my time with a man that doesn’t want kids. I don’t mind a man with kids I know for a fact that I can and will love a man’s kids as if they were mine. The fact of the matter is I will never ever be their Mother. But, that burning desire to have my own kids to be a Mom is still there. I feel I have to continue to reassess what I want to get the other.

Am I willing to give up on kids of my own so I can have a husband? My answer is clearly NO. This does not make the pain any less and it does not make it any easier. I still feel like I am missing something in my life when I see people with kids. There are no other things when children are something you want.

Often times the whole self-assured independent woman thing is bullshit, an act that I have perfected over the years. Some days I don’t enjoy being alone. Sometimes all I want to do is lie in a ball and cry because I can’t seem to get it right. To find the mix with someone that is suited for us both. I feel like a failure as a woman. When I know full well that the fact I am not in relationship does say anything about my success as a woman.

I suppose what has made this harder this time around is some of things that a few of the men have said to me. And believe me they are not things I have not said to myself and all in all it means that someone had the balls or the lack of couth to say it out loud. “Don’t you know that the fact you have not been in a relationship in so long is going to make men ask what is wrong with you? I mean that is what I am asking myself.” “What’s is wrong that you have not been in a relationship in so long?”

My answer is “ Dating has just not been a priority for me.” It doesn’t make the truth in the question sting any less. “What’s wrong with you?” I am not sure it hurts any less now than it did when I was younger. I am just more aware of a time limit now. The hot flashes don’t help.

I am selective though my track record does not show that. I just can’t seem to find a balance in this war in my head and heart.

Sunday, June 29, 2008


That's all I have to say about that.

Friday, June 27, 2008


I have to admit that my mind has not been very focused the last few weeks. I know some of you are thinking that my mind is never really very focused well you can kiss the little RED DEVIL TATTOOED On my …………………….

Ok back on track. I signed up for Plenty Of Fish (POF). My buddy KB made the suggestion. Yes he is the same guy I saw for a while. We are good friends and he sent me there. I am not sure weather I should thank him or take out a hit on him. I know where he lives. Look out there KB.

So I am doing POF and having men on the first date/ meeting what ever you want to call it grabbing a handful of my ass, which I find to be totally out of line. He did offer to grab my breast the next time and I offered to punch him in the face. Then there was the guy who ran after he met me. Yes, folks he could not get away from me fast enough and bolted back to his car. He did at least say hello and shake my hand. This could be why I have not dated in years.

I have answered the phone when I should not have. I am weak what can I say. I just had to know what it was he had to say. Which means that I have got to keep my mouth shut about the friend of a certain little sister of mine and now be all-nice and eat crow. Which makes me want to GAG!! Because how in the Hell can I tell her what an awful life-damaging mistake I think she is making when I am doing the same thing. AGHHHHHHHH. So there is this rule that when you are making a mess of your own life you can’t tell others that they are making a mess of theirs. Unless of course you are totally delusional. It might be easier to be delusional we do that well in my family.

Over Father’s Day the discussion got around to employment verification, which is one of my job duties. I was talking about the employment verification site The Work Number. Which a number of companies have moved to use in an effort to save time and la la la what ever. I happened to mention that Vanderbilt was using this site. The Work Number charges for each employment verification that you do. Or you can pay this lump fee and get X number a month. Well my agency is very small so we would lose money buying in lump so the company has to pay $18 for each verification we do. I was told I was wrong. That is not the way Vanderbilt does things. They do not use that site. I tried to calmly explain that was where HR had directed me. “Nope can’t be, must just be for nurses” “You just send me the information and I’ll check that out. I’ll get to the bottom of it” (meaning I am going to prove you wrong) I sent her the link earlier this week.

The ICING ON THE CAKE, the coup de grace I received this email from my mother Wednesday that said, “You are right! We are following up with the head of HR.” Well no shit I was right I knew I was right when I told you. You are the one who sat there telling me that I was wrong and did not know my job. You are the one that was telling me surely I must have been doing something wrong. You are the one that would go and look if I told you the house was on fire before you would make your exit. So in my 37 some odd years this makes like 3 times I have been allowed to be right. Of course after she checks out my story. If you don’t know this means that the world is coming to a cataclysmic end. I KNOW MY JOB!!! I am not a moron. I SWEAR IF SHE EVER ASKS ME AGAIN WHY I DON’T TALK TO HER I AM GOING TO LET HER HAVE IT WTH BOTH BARRELS.

Friday, June 20, 2008


Kristine over at Random and Odd asked us to post a picture of Youth.

" June 20 -Youth. A child isn’t actually needed at all for this picture. Capture something that means ‘youth’ to you. Mine, hands down are roller skates. I can still smell the cotton candy and feel the butterflies in my stomach thinking about the ’snowball dance’."

When I was young my of my favorite things to do was to lay in the back yard under the weeping willow. This was a spot where I dreamed about tomorrow. My life as a grown up, the man I would marry , the children I would have. It is a spot of my youth.

Did you play?

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Today It's Me

There are days like today when I am sure it would be me they were speaking of.

Friday, June 06, 2008

SPF~ Eyes of a Child

June 6: Through the eyes of a child.
If you have a child; Allow the child to take your camera and find something they like to take a picture of. Do not prompt them on what to take, leave them to themselves to pick it.
If you do NOT have a child…you lucky bastards; Get down on your stomach or knees, about the height of child or baby and see what you see from there point of view.

Well I am single with no kids and I was trying to figure out how I was going to make this work. Then last night I remembered I was a kid once, with a camera no less. I had a Holly Hobbie 126 with one of those disposable 4 sided flashes. I loved that camera. So I took all kinds of pictures with it. I have not gotten much better with a camera but at least now I don't to devlope them to know they suck.

This is through the eyes of me as a child.

What a flash back. This was maybe Spring or summer 1980 and I would have been 9. This was in the court yard out side our Church.
The handsome devil in the red sport jacket is my dad, beinde him os Allen Bridges who by a 9 years olds standers in 1980 was hot, the little blonde is our neighbor Megan , then of course is my favorite sister in the whole wide world , Libby.

Did you play?

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Rude Awaking

Most mornings during the week start with a rude awaking and that is the alarm clock going off at 5 A.M telling me it is time to act like I am going to work out. I also wake up alone there is no one to roll over and snuggle with and moan about spending the day in bed.

This morning when my clock went off at 5 A.M. my sister’s cat Linus was curled up at my back, not the type of guy I want to spend the morning in bed with. I rolled over to get up and hit the snooze button and promptly hit the floor. Yep rolled right into the floor. My right knee took the brunt of the fall. It has been 30 years since I have fallen out of bed. All those years as a drunken college student and I never fell out of bed. But my bed is up off the ground I kinda have to hop/ scoot up into it so it hurt.

When I stopped to get my breakfast this morning I was telling them about falling out of bed and not having done in 30 years. One lady says yep I would stick with every 30 years if I were you. Then an older wiser lady said yep and if you do next time you’ll break a hip.

How true.

Monday, June 02, 2008

It's her party

So I did not have to lock myself in bathroom and cry this weekend. I didn’t even cry all the way home. I didn’t cry at all.
There were lots of babies at the shower. Heck lots of little kids because the Mom to be comes form a large Catholic family and there are a lot of babies. But I did not find myself in a ball on the floor. I made it. Though holding the newest member of the family 3 month old Charlie, who still smells new, and 10 month old Conner did not make it any easier I was just able to shut it down.
But maybe all and all I need to work on the shutting down thing not stuff my emotions down so much. But it is so much easier to avoid dealing with it all if I just shut it off. Know what I mean? It is not like I am even in a place to be a mother. I am single, I have no health insurance, I am working two jobs, and though I have a number of great guys in my life I don’t know that I have any one that I would say hey you would you mind being a role model to my child. Because, if I wanted them to be a role model to my child I would have married them. But, wait do I know straight men? There in lies the problem. I hang out with gay men.

Friday, May 30, 2008


How hard was this? I knew what I wanted to do but when it came to picking my pictures and songs I was on over load. So there are many and many not listed and pictures not posted.

"In my life" I have had many people.

Who will say " I'll be there for you" They stand up and protect you.

When times are lean and you are down and troubled.

You can always " Lean on me"

Because "You've got a friend"
Who will never let you forget

Those silly things you have done
Because after all " That's what freinds are for"

So "Stand by me."

and laugh with me but in the end all I want to say is "Thank you for being a freind".

Did you play?

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

When the bow breaks

I am going to Chattanooga Sunday for a baby shower. I am going alone. The beautiful Momma to be already has three nephews. All under 3. Babies , babies , babies. Just thinking about going leaves me crying. I have managed to put a lid on the desires. Ok that is a lie. I just don't talk about it. And if I don't talk about it I don't have to think about it. I get to pretend like it does not bother me that it is not me having that baby. Can I keep up the act during the party? Can I go and not lock myself in the bathroom to cry?
Sometimes I feel as if I have no one to talk to about it. Women like Marcia Cross make me grateful though. Like I am in on some wonderful sisterhood of single , smart , funny , intelligent women over 37 who are single. Thanks Marcia. But somehow I don't think Marcia will answer my call.

Friday, May 23, 2008

SPF ~ Me in Music

May 23rd is (SELF or SOMEONE) YOU IN MUSIC (playing an instrument, dancing, getting ready for a dance getting into music..whatever)

I had a hard time with this one. My excuses are as follows:

1. I am not at all musical
2. This has been a week from hell at work
3. I just couldn't wrap my pea brain around it.

Then I saw Kristine's and the the little light bulb went off in my head and at 6 am I was going trough my boxes of pictures. So here late is my SPF

This is me and Jason Seal what a doll. All I can tell you is we were dancing and we had had a few.

Sr. Prom 1989 I went with Tim Curry. The regular guy not the actor. I was so in love with that dress.

This me ready for Home Coming at The University of Tennessee at Chattanooga 1991. Get Down .

Friday, May 16, 2008


Here we are at Friday again and Kristine at Random and Odd has asked us to use a line from a song. I went through a lot of songs and as I was planing my Mother's gift for mother's day only one thing stuck in my head and that is what I had to go with now it's stuck in your head. MAWHAHAHA

Song: Coconut


Sunday, May 11, 2008

In getting in the swing

It is freaking cold here in Nashville. Right mow it is 57 degrees and cloudy. Brrr. It is May isn't it? The wind is blowing and Mom is calling it a Blackberry winter. I was with her late today for Mother's Day so a nap in my sweats is out to late for a nap. If I sleep now I wont sleep tonight. I love naps in the middle of the day even if they are little 15 minute naps. When the weather is right I like napping outside. But today it is cold and I have even shut the windows in my room. Though the ones through the rest of the house are open I can just stay hold up in my room till it warms up. Maybe there is that pesky thing called work and those damn people at Wells Fargo want their money. It never ends.

Friday, May 09, 2008

Believe in me

Today is the day. I spent a year working on this project and another year waiting for the answer as it is all reviewed by the state. My boss and I have a meeting with the Executive Board of the Department of Mental Retardation Services this afternoon. I don’t think it would have gotten this far if it was not good and I am hoping this meeting is just a final interview. While waiting I have held off looking for a new job, I have worked a second job, I have not taken a vacation, and lets not get into my bills. Waiting on this thing to take off. Waiting on the State to approve us for being a Service Provider. Today is the day I find out if my Mother was right and I am wasting my time. I have other friends who have expressed the same concern but it annoys me more coming from my mom. So today I need all your good vibes, good thoughts, positive energy. I stuck with this because I believe in it and today I need more than me to believe.


This weeks SPF from over at Random and Odd was Your IPOD.

I am part of Kristine's No pod club. This is the boom box that sits on the extra desk in my office. I turn on the radio every day and listen all day to JACK FM , There is no DJ and songs don't repeat every four hours. But if you all want to get me or Kristine an I-pod or what ever it is.

Did you play?

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

My Internet Balls

OK well I don’t have any. No really I don’t I am a chicken shit, even here in my blog. If you don’t know what Internet Balls are Kristine at Random and Odd who made it in to the Urban Dictionary with that word says it is:

“When you think you can sit behind your computer screen and write whatever you want, to whomever you want. These are not things you would say to the person if you were face to face. That would require having balls when you're away from your computer...which you don't. Internet balls are only obtained while behind the screen and keyboard.”

I lack them. Seriously I do. I say all kinds of things. I have wanted to blog my thoughts about all kinds of things, things that people I know have done. People they date, hell people I date, stupid things they have done. But I keep it off my blog. I haven’t got the balls to do it.

I have drafted several little ditties about people in my life only to delete them. And if you have to ask me if it was you then the answer is yes it was you. That may be why I don’t blog a lot there is not a lot going on. I don’t have kids, a husband or boyfriend, or crazy co-workers to regal you with tales of that cute little thing that my kid did today or my co-worker is so crazy. It is just me and my boss in my office and as Dooce has taught us all don’t go bashing your boss on your blog if you want to keep your job. Not that I mind that stuff. I read blogs of people that talk about their families daily.

I just don’t think people will want to know that stuff about me. I work I sleep I repeat some days I work two jobs. I think about ex- beaus and sometimes go as far as to try and google them see if I can’t track them down give them a call. Do you people really want to hear that stuff? I am sure he does and I think he reads this blog. That can put a stop to what you say in a blog.

Knowing that your friend Sally reads your blog and you think her husband Kyle is a total jack ass and he did this really obnoxious thing, like he always does, and Sally knows he did but she likes to live as if he is some Saint and if you put down that event and your thought about it then the little Fantasy Land that Sally lives in is shattered and she no longer wants to speak to you. But really it is not Sally that you no longer wish to see. So we all sit in a little group and talk about Kyle and the blinders that Sally goes through life wearing. Now if Sally were to ask me all bets would be off. But Sally is not going to ask me. Sally knows better. So I don’t blog about it because if Sally wanted the truth she would have it.

What I over all aim for is something that would be of interest to my friends without crossing that line of alienating the friends I have. With a dose of humor mixed in. Does one of my friends really need to know what I use to remember their birthday each year? I think it is funny but would they? The likely hood is YES they are a friend and my humor is one of my best qualities. But I don't put it here for fear of upsetting them. So sometimes you need internet balls.

So I am going to try and blog more about what is going on in my life and find a happy medium between what I to tell some of my friends but not the rest of them. I also have to make up my mind if I want to name my friends or give them colorful nicknames. This would be the point where my friends chime in and say hey don’t use my name. But then if I give you nicknames then it might be easier to confuse some of you. Then you wouldn’t know for sure if I was talking about you or not. Because for some of you ‘Shamus’ I can point to something shinny and you forget I am talking about you.
Look over there Dolce and Gabbana on sale.