Saturday, April 28, 2007

Letter in a box

I was cleaning out the garage today and opened a box that I have not been through since I packed up before I left Signal Mountain in September of 2000. I had placed in it a love letter I had been given. It was the first love letter I had ever received. He was married and we had been friends. Just friends nothing more. Someone had started a rumor that we were having an affair and I had taken the whole thing extremely hard.
But, back to my letter. The day I got it I remember crying. Not just crying but crying one of those deep hard heart breaking kind of cries. That whale that comes from deep within, grief. I was just devastated. That the first love letter I ever received was from 1. Someone I did not love. 2. someone that was married that I would never cross that line to be with.
Today when I found it and read it again I was rather proud of myself for how much I have grown. I wasn't sad today when I found the letter just grateful for the chance to remember how far I have come. Today there was no pain only joy for the journey I have come through. Today I write love letters to myself.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Wishes on lessons

I was always taught that I should never wish on anyone that, that I would not wish for myself. Though here lately I have found myself wishing that some people get what they deserve. And not in a good way. I think Jon should be happy with his choice to move back to Nashville, Boho Girl and Boy should get the baby they so deserve and so on those are the good things I wish. But there are other people that I think should get what is coming to them for things they have done that are not so nice .I am eagerly awaiting their down fall. I know when it happens I will not get the satisfaction that I thought I would. Relishing in other peoples failure or misery is not what I want for myself. So I am putting out this wish for myself that I can only wish for the good for people. I don't want to waste the kind of energy wishing for ill for other people.
And maybe you could help me.
All this wishing brings to mind my own downfalls if you want to call them that. Each of mine has been a lesson I have learned from , grown from, I am a far better person for each lesson I have had to learn. I am grateful for them all , now. Though maybe at the time I had to pick myself from sobbing off the floor. I did and I grew.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Skeletons in the Family Closet

Families have tons of secrets mine is no exception. About a year ago we receive notice from a woman who said her Great Grand father was my Grand Father. She is our cousin.

My Grandfather had been married before and that marriage had produced a child. That fact that Grandfather had been married before was a old family secret. Ages ago while cleaning out the attic a letter where the first marriage was mentioned was found and later destroyed. There was NEVER any mention of a child. But what all it boils down to is we have a wonderful new member to our family Sherry. She came to visit after Easter with her husband. I wonder what other skeletons are in the family closet?

Thursday, April 19, 2007

The Secret

Last night I watched the Secret with my Spirituality Group. OK we did not really get to watch it for some reason Betty's DVD player kept skipping and there were big chunks of it that we missed a two hour movie was turned into like an hour and half movie but I got the just of the purpose of the whole thing. Think it , want it , make it happen. Think positive!!
I have generally been a pretty positive person. But through this I see where I have some major room for improvement on my life. Not that there is not always room for improvement. But it is clearer to me now. I see myself working only one job. I see myself getting a college degree, I see myself with wealth.
Have any of you read the Secret? What are your ideas about it?