Friday, June 08, 2007

Back to Jail with you

You know it is kind of hard to feel sorry for Paris Hilton being thrown back in jail when 1. She BROKE THE LAW. 2. She is a spoiled bourgeoisie princess. It is also hard because I am trying to be a kinder gentler person. And not find joy in other peoples misery. Is she miserable because she was caught. Maybe because she thought she was better than jail. I don't know I am not Paris. I think her show the Simple life uses two EXTREMELY SPOILED Women to make fun of people who bust their humps every day to do jobs that they are proud of or are just trying to keep their families fed.
Paris has never had to wonder where her next meal is coming from. Nor has she ever suffered the pain of being made fun of for wearing hand me Downs. She has never sat with her checkbook and wondered which bill will be paid and which once can wait. She has never had her parents look her in the face with tears in their eyes as they tell their child that she can't go on the trip she has dreamed of because they can't afford to send her.
But of course if that was me I would have been safer in jail my Mother would have beat me senseless. In fact she told me this over and over again as a youth. " If you ever get picked up by the police you had better hope to God they keep you because you'll be safer in jail then you will be here with me." To this day that is one of my biggest fears and it keeps me walking the straight and narrow. I still don't want to call my Mother and tell her I have been picked up by the police and I am 36.
What I want to work on is the bitterness I feel toward "the spoiled rich girl" who never had to want nor need for anything. I might have wanted for designer clothes. But my parents taught me VALUES I never wanted for that.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Post Cleanse ~ Change

I finished the Master Cleanse about about 2 1/2 weeks ago. Once I started eating again I gained 5 pounds back . But the whole Cleanse changed my whole mind set. I had been putting off making the changes I needed to get in shape because I am still working two jobs. I kept saying I would work on getting in shape once I was down to one. But the Cleanse changed my whole thought process.
I have started taking the few minuets I have each evening as I come home to make myself a healthy little dinner to take to work. I am making a whole wheat wrap w/ sun dried tomato paste , Romain lettuce, spinach, mushrooms, assorement of peppers and a little feta cheese. I am still working hard to get away from eating potato chips but I now packing an assortment of mixed nuts and tossing in some sesame sticks. I have avoid the drive thru since completing the Cleanse on nights I work. In fact I don't think other than Star Bucks I have done the drive thru.
I have also been getting up on Mon, Weds, and Fridays at YES the magic hour of 4 am and putting on my walking shoes and taking a walk.
For me the Cleanse was about shedding the weight but it ending up being about me finding a new focus. It helped put me in a place that I have been trying to get for the last two years. I have decided that the way I was living was not a reflection of who I want to be. It is not the way I want to live my life. I am focused on making changes.
It took my a few days to be able to put that down. Because I am so afraid of failure. I have written this all before about how I was serious this time about the change I was going to make in my life and each time I have found reason to not succeed. I have failed myself. I didn't want to put my intention out and fail again. Then the thought accord to me that if I was going to keep thinking I was going to fail then I was setting myself up to fail. I am not going to fail and I just have to change the way that I think. As long as I think I can't do it I wont. So here is to starting to change in mind, body , and spirit.