Monday, February 25, 2008

Someone Else’s Shoes

Although these flip-flops have been in vogue for a few seasons they weren’t when I got them. They remind of an action from myself that I am not proud of and of a person I am not proud to be. I wasn’t getting my way and I pitched a total fit. Another person was acting in kindness and was trying very hard to do something nice to make me happy and I would not have it, because they were not what I wanted. I was ugly and disrespectful to this person because the store did not have the sandals I wanted. Mine had broken while we were on vacation. And these were the best we could do. I acted childishly.
When asked what is your biggest flaw, your worse quality this is it, Acting like a brat.
Every time I slide my feet into them now I remember that day and how acted. I think about how I could have acted differently. How that is a person I don’t want be. It often feels as if they are someone else’s shoes because that is a person I want to leave behind. She is still there but when I put them on I remember these are shoes of someone I’d rather never be again.

Friday, February 22, 2008


I would like to take this time to wish a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to RWK.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

There Is A First Time For Everything

So Friday before going to the hospital I ran some errands one was at the bank. As I got out of the car there was this very nice looking man he walked in with me and commented on what a beautiful day it was and I agreed with him. He opened the door for me and then raced to open the other one too. I had to fill out a deposit slip and he went ahead and did his banking as I walked up to do mine he walked out. When I finished he was waiting by his truck doing some digging around on his passenger side which was where my car was parked we spoke again and I left. Wishing I had given him my card. So I didn’t do crap. But I did post something on Craigs List. Maybe he’ll see it. There is a first time for everything.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

My Funny Valentine

As I have blogged before for the last several years I have made a dinner reservation at one of my favorite restaurants on Valentines Day and taken myself out to dinner. It has been the most liberating experiences of my life.
However, this year I spent a few weeks struggling with doing it again this year. Financially things are tight. So I had to ask myself is this an expense that I can afford? Emotionally I just was not sure if I wanted to spend this day alone at a table in a romantic restaurant. This year a fear of the event set in. I was not sure I could be out there and be happily single. I dine alone often and I enjoy it but why was the choice this year so hard? I wanted to want to do it.
I have been feeling a lot like the pre- Goddess the feelings of insecurity and have not been at all proud to be single.
Even though I had my doubts I went ahead and made a reservation on the 6th for my table for one. After all if I wanted to go I needed to be able to get in, right? I wanted to be able to do this for the right reason the ME REASON. Not as a self serving pity party. And sitting around and hoping I might magically get a date for this night could be amount to wishing the last 7 years with Bush in the White House had never happened.
I had told one guy I know about my Valentines Dinner for one and he told me he thought people would think it was pathetic and desperate to go and sit at a table alone on Valentines Day. Then a wonderful beautiful woman said she loved the idea. I am sticking with the woman we tend to know better anyway.
So I just got over myself.

I liberated myself. The longer I sat at the table the happier I was. I wish all women could love themselves enough to dine alone on Valentines Day. I still have a long way to go and frankly I think I need to treat myself more often to wonderful diners, long hot baths and give myself the same encouraging words I pass along to my friends. I often forget my own value but today I started to see myself for the wonderful, inspiring woman I am. My hope is that all you know what a wonderful value you have you are rich with the wonders of life.

(Note: thoughts for this blog were complied over 3 to 4 weeks as I worked through the feelings leading up to this day in order that I could have an accurate account)

Tuesday, February 12, 2008


So you all know my Girl Scout cookies have arrived all four boxes. I am not running or even trying to run so I figured I will eat all of them before the end of the month maybe even the week and enjoy every damn one of them. Perhaps with some vanilla bean ice cream. And if you try and take one from me I will bite your fingers off in a fight for every crumb. We now return you to our regularly scheduled mind dribble.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Made it

Just wanted to let all of you out there know that those storms skipped right over Nashville. We made it through just fine but our neighbors on counties on either side of us (Williamson and Sumner) took a pretty hard hit. The sirens went off all night long.I normally can sleep through just about anything. I will awake after a storm and people will ask did you hear that? I ask hear what? But that night that weather kept me awake. It was a wild night

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

It's called Democracy

I got a warm welcome:
I followed the signs:

And then .........

Friday, February 01, 2008

All Cracked up

Well Brit-Brit has finally been committed. The court has seen fit to give her family a temporary conservator ship over her and her estate. This is wonderful news as we have been witness to her downward spiral. She will be able to get the help she so desperately needs and hopefully then be a mother to her to beautiful boys.
Britney is not the first star to have a public melt down and have her mental illness splashed across the headlines. The list is a long one and each of them including Ms. Spears is lucky to have family and a bank account with the resources to get the help she needs.
What all this notice on Ms. Spears and other high profile celebrities fails to highlight are the millions of people and their families that live with mental illness on a daily basis. Most families do not have the team of therapist available to them that the Spears family has been so fortunate to have. Nor do they have lawyers that can help arrange an involuntary commitment or temporary conservator ship.
Where our focus needs to be is on the millions of families who desperately need the kind of help that Britney is receiving. These people have no idea who they can call or how in the world they will pay for the medications let only the help that is required to help a family member who has taken the kind of downward spiral that Britney has done so publicly. The recent case in Washington D.C. where a mentally ill mother killed her four young children it is then that the system stands up and takes notice. So let’s take the attention of bubble gum pop and focus on the millions lost in the system of hopelessness.
I don’t claim to have an answer to this issue. But this is the issue I am on today.