As I have blogged before for the last several years I have made a dinner reservation at one of my favorite restaurants on Valentines Day and taken myself out to dinner. It has been the most liberating experiences of my life.
However, this year I spent a few weeks struggling with doing it again this year. Financially things are tight. So I had to ask myself is this an expense that I can afford? Emotionally I just was not sure if I wanted to spend this day alone at a table in a romantic restaurant. This year a fear of the event set in. I was not sure I could be out there and be happily single. I dine alone often and I enjoy it but why was the choice this year so hard? I wanted to want to do it.
I have been feeling a lot like the pre- Goddess the feelings of insecurity and have not been at all proud to be single.
Even though I had my doubts I went ahead and made a reservation on the 6th for my table for one. After all if I wanted to go I needed to be able to get in, right? I wanted to be able to do this for the right reason the ME REASON. Not as a self serving pity party. And sitting around and hoping I might magically get a date for this night could be amount to wishing the last 7 years with Bush in the White House had never happened.
I had told one guy I know about my Valentines Dinner for one and he told me he thought people would think it was pathetic and desperate to go and sit at a table alone on Valentines Day. Then a wonderful beautiful woman said she loved the idea. I am sticking with the woman we tend to know better anyway.
So I just got over myself.
I liberated myself. The longer I sat at the table the happier I was. I wish all women could love themselves enough to dine alone on Valentines Day. I still have a long way to go and frankly I think I need to treat myself more often to wonderful diners, long hot baths and give myself the same encouraging words I pass along to my friends. I often forget my own value but today I started to see myself for the wonderful, inspiring woman I am. My hope is that all you know what a wonderful value you have you are rich with the wonders of life.
(Note: thoughts for this blog were complied over 3 to 4 weeks as I worked through the feelings leading up to this day in order that I could have an accurate account)