Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Excuse me while I pitch a Bitch

So yesterday with the cold and the snow and the gray skies I was blue and not all happy smurf blue happy pants. I was pity party blue pissy whoa is me blue. I am still not thrilled but I am not throwing myself under the bus blue either. I am cramping to is that what you want to hear? Which is really rare for me I don’t cramp often.

Plus I am having a zillion people over to my house for a Christmas Party and I have fleas yes freakin fleas people and I have vacuumed and thrown out the bag and done it again I have done it 7 times and I still have fleas. I have sprayed my carpet with TOXIC flea spray and almost killed myself and I still have fleas. And how do I know I almost killed myself because my fucking tongue started to swell that’s how. But damn my carpets are clean. Through this do you know what is sad? When I vacuum each day I am still finding cobwebs and big dust bunnies that I missed the day before? You would think that after I have vacuumed the house for 3 days in a row I would have found all the cobwebs but hell no, so that ticks me off.
And you want to know what else ticks me off cause I have a list:

1. People that call back and say yea I got a call from this number. I am sure you did listen to your DAMN voicemail I freakin left you one. 2. People that bring their kids to a job interview HELLO DUMB ASS you are applying for a job not looking for a day care. 3. People that call and say ya I filled out an application and was wondering if my background check was back. OK and who the HELL ARE YOU? 4. People who don't do the wave when you let them in traffic. 5. That whole pants down around the ass thing. 6. That hair growing out of my chin. 7. Liars 8. Ford, GM, Crysler WHY DON'T YOU fire one or two of your Million dollar Executives, oh and now you figure out you need to leave your plane at home. 9. AIG 10. People that are mean to the helpless. 11. People that are RUDE to servers. 12. Comcast 13. Gum on my shoe.
14. Garden Gnomes. 15. Dust I mean what’s up with that? 16. Hard headed people, kinda poses a problem doesn't it. 17. Cold coffee. 18. burned cookies. 19. Daylight savings time. 20. Dry lips 21. They canceled Sports Night; I am still not over that. 22. Wet news papers 23. Rotten veggies. 24.A plastic fork at Fazoli’s who the hell came up with the idea that spaghetti could be eat well with a plastic fork? 25. The Spork I mean WTF? 26. The dude in front of me at the bank drive through that does not have his stuff ready. 27. People who park in handicapped spaces because they are to freakin lazy to walk so they borrow someone’s card. 28. Sean Hannity 29. Those fools that don’t put their buggy back and just leave it to roll through the parking lot. 30. That person that rides in the left lane and won’t merge so I can pass his ass. 31. People who litter. 32. Fleas 33. Warm beer 34. Brussels sprouts. 35. People who sit there and eat while their kids are screaming their heads off. I get you are making a point but make your point at home and not at the restaurant I am eating at. 36. People who don’t leash their dogs. 37. The medical treatment of our wounded soldiers by the United States Government. 38. The fact some of my ex’s are still breathing. 39. Baggage fees by the airlines. 40. Michael Jackson 41. O.J. Simpson. 42. People that say it will happen when you least expect it. Bite me! 43. The movie Hudson Hawk. I could have put that time in toward my mandatory community service. 44. Cramps. 45. I ma sure I have more so look out.

1 comment:

Libby said...

I am confessing here on this public forum that the fleas are MY BAD. We brought the fleas and then we just moved away... Crummy, right? Yeah, I know... But we did try some treatments and strategies before abandoning the fleas. Then we were going to buy some toxic chemicals for Aunt Fran and she wanted to research some less toxic options first. We love you Aunt Fran, sorry we gave you fleas!