Sunday, December 28, 2008

Not the normal

I am still working on my normal New Years Post however I have been thinking back deeper on 2008 and what I want for myself in 2009. What I want to accomplish.

I have spent much of 2008 in a funk it could probably be better classified as depression. My normal News Years Post is all depressing so I am going to fix it before Wednesday. My bloggs have been depressing. Why write and bring down all 4 of you? I want to let go of this I am not good enough. A lot of my issues this year stem from a feeling of inadequacy. I am a poor writer face it my English sucks and I live here. I have run on sentences and badly formed paragraphs etc. I have extremely limited computer skills and I lack a college degree. I want to be Steph’s # 55 and find my fantastic attitude. I seem to have lost that. I miss that girl. Hell I am smart and I know my stuff. I am a well informed person and pretty well read. And I am funny as hell. I want to find that again.

So 2009 is going to be fine. I want to get out of debt. My mortgage will not be what I am getting out of but my car should be paid off by February. That statement could come back to bite me in the ass as in my family we pay off a car and then it gets totaled so before I mail the last payment I am going to take a spirit stick to my car and bless it I might even burn a candle of protection in it just to be safe.

Then Discover will get their money. I can start paying them off. There are a few more out there and I will have to go digging through and find them. But I am not to worried people who you owe money to have a way of finding you.

I would like to spend less time working in 2009 and as I get bills paid off that should happen.

Things at work are slatted to change in the first few months of 2009 though this has been a promise for sometime the staying has a lot to do with the feelings of inadequacy. And now so does the economy. I have got to decide in 2009 if this is what I want to do.

Somewhere in all of this I have got to get back to school.

I have a list of things I NEED to get done around the house. Most of these I put off working on this year because I have been in such a funk I want to spend more time out doors in the sun digging in the dirt. I want to get my house clean and keep it that way. And I would love to knock at least 2 things off my home to do list (things like new screen doors, garage door, paint, etc) things that don’t have to be done but need to be.

I want to get back to eating better. I used to never hit the drive thru and I want to get back to doing things that way. I want to start to exercise again which should help with the funk thing.

I have got to get to where I set a goal and stick to it. How many times have we done this in 2008? I am going to eat better and work out more and I never get there. I never get out of bed and the next morning I am in the drive thru at Hardies.

I used to write in my personal journal nightly and then record my dreams each morning. Once a week I would go back and study those dreams. I miss that too.

I miss time with friends and want to spend more time in 2009 with people I love and enjoy spending time with.

My resolution each year is to be a better person at the end of the year than I was at the beginning I still have not put my finger on what I have done this year to better myself. What deep personal growth I have done. I am though one to believe that I might not see right now what lessons I have gained this year I am sure that one day down the road it will come to me in one of those big huge AAHA moments when I realize I was not that stagnate after all.

Other thoughts and challenges that have arisen.

Leave it to Steph. Before I left to work on this I had left my status on facebook at thinking of my goals for 2009. She has commented to me do the 9 fun things in 2009 with me from our 43 things list well there sister what about we here and now plan a girls weekend for 2009. Then we can work on staying in touch with friends.


Anonymous said...

yep, there are definitely some mtns in the works for 2009 baring total economic crisis on my homefront. I'm thinking either before or after my April reunion (if the reunion is actually in april - just a rumor right now)

I'll keep you posted. I wanna do Sedona but will probably go for Gatlinburg or somewhere near Chatt-town.

Anonymous said...

oh. reunion is more than likely September now. So maybe after the reunion or before we can do cabin and celebrate your birfday. I'll have to see though. Economic crisis is not totally impossible...