With Age

I don’t know how many of us remember being younger and listening to the older people around us tell stories about the way things were when they were young. We would roll our eyes and think I AM NEVER GOING TO TELL THOSE STORIES. But of course I didn’t think I would get that old because to be over 30 would be close to death. Now death in the next 30 years seems way to some to finish all I want to do while I am here.
It is hard to pin point when we went from typewriters to desktops to lap tops but it has all happened in my short life span and it really has not been that long ago for me but to some of the kids I work with at Domino’s it has been a lifetime. On Friday there was a typewriter cartridge that was lying on top of a file cabinet in the hallway. On of the kid who is just 16 ask me what it was. You know the cartridges the black semi square ones with the arms where the red and back ribbon comes, out and across the front of the black semi square. I said, “It is a typewriter cartridge” “How does it work?” He asked me. The old hit. This kid had never used a typewriter. He knew what one was but didn’t know much about ribbons and little arms hitting the ribbon to print your words.
Trash80’s seem so far away but it is not. We have come so far where will we be in the next 20 years? What is does tomorrow hold? What does our advancement mean to our future? What is it from all this we have gained? What has been lost? We can be tracked easier; for the parent of a missing child this can be a life saving blessing. To an American wanting privacy for its Government it is a curse. WE ARE CAUGHT! My computer has taken my places I never dreamed I could have gone and maybe a few places I am sorry we ever opened up.

From nothing to Something

I have started this blog today with the idea I have something to say and nothing comes. I don’t know that I would call it writers block It is just I am taking my lunch and have nothing better to do. My friend Jon looked over this used laptop I might buy told me I would not get a better deal for what he was asking but if I had more money I could get a new computer that was not an Acer. I have it but I also have debt I could pay off. I have been mulling it all over and I just keep going back and forth on the whole thing new computer, shut up Discover.

Carl and Abe will be leaving next week if everything with their closing goes well. I have enjoyed having them around it has been nice to have people to talk to every night. Plus the fact that Carl cooks dinner and cleans the kitchen I could get used to that. But what it has brought to mind is all those little things you don’t think about when you live alone that other people do that make you nuts. Now it is not just them it has been other people who have lived with me. You just plan forget those little things which add up to big things and cause a fight all because you could not say hey there Joe would you mind not parking your car on the lawn. You wait then blow the hell up with all those little nit picky things that are like fingernails on a chalkboard to you personally. I think it all goes form small to big and each person has his or her own limit of what is ok and what makes you want to find a bat and hit Joe repeatedly up side the head. Now just a few of mine are:

The way the dishwasher is loaded if you do it right and take your time you only have to run it once or twice a week. I am so picky I will go back through and rearrange all the dishes and fit them in there right. Thus making room for another day or two of dishes, maybe more.


The way the dishes are put up in the cabinet if you do this right coffee cups don’t hang on the edge of the shelf and fall on your head when you open the door. The plates should be stacked on the shelf by size from the smallest to the largest. ( I have very little cabinet space).

Turn off a light when you are done in a room.

I love sunlight leave the curtains open.

Don’t leave your sex toys in the common bathroom

Don’t steal from me
I HAVE MORE BUT LUNCH IS OVER. What are yours?

Do's and Don't s

OKAY so I am really into stealing ideas from other people’s blogs and I don’t even know this beautiful sprit I came across her blog while browsing through bogs and was just drawn to her and her sprit. Give her blog a look http://bohemiangirldesigns.blogspot.com/. But on with her idea that I stole from her Blog
Do’s and Don’t s I also here by challenge all of you to do your very own Do and Don’t List:

I do love baths
I don’t have the patients to sit in the tub

I do love the Mountains
I don’t care for the beach

I do miss smoking
But I don’t

I do love the quite in the house first thing in the morning
I don’t like a lot of noise

I do love card and board games
I don’t like video games

I do love plants and flowers
I don’t have a green thumb

I do need to be more organized
I don’t have a plan

I do want children
I don’t want to do that without a husband

I do love to cook
I don’t have time to eat it all

I do love the “Conversations with God” Series
I don’t like Romance Novels

I do love my terry cloth bathrobe
I don’t often wear my satin one

I do want a better relationship with my Mother
I don’t cry over it any more

I do love Sushi
I don’t like liver (bluck)
I do admit to reading “He’s just not that into you”
I don’t mind hurting who ever laughs at me

I do love scented candles, oils and incense
I don’t like the smell of patchouli

I do love hot teas
I don’t like hot cider

I do love thunderstorms
I don’t like lighting hitting my house

I do love to cuddle
I don’t like sleeping with an arm under my head/neck

I do think I have made some major mistakes I don’t regret one of them.

Sisterhood

I had such a wonderful time with my sister in Missouri. I spent Friday sitting by the lake reading a book. I moved inside after lunch when it became too cold to be outside. We had a chance to talk and laugh. She had a friend going though a hard time and we brought her into our fold and bonded with her as well. We visited St. Louis twice and rode to the top of the Arch on a very windy day as it swayed noticeably from the inside like being on a boat that moved with the waves only this ship is 630 feet off the ground. We even hit the casinos thought the excitement in a Missouri casino leaves a lot to be desired and if I were you I would wait till I got to Nevada. As I was preparing for my trip the thought deep in my mind was how I miss sisterhood. Now it is ever more present and in the forefront of my thoughts. Not just time with my sister by true sisterhood with other women who you can bond with at such a special and deep level. Don’t get me wrong I adore all the men in my life and love each one of them but the bond of women is different and I miss that, I yearn for the kind of time women spend together bonding souls. I don’t have that here and I have not had it in sometime. Perhaps it is what if any one thing is missing from my life SISTERHOOD. Libby said, “Well go out and get you some girlfriends” like you can find them at Target next to the candles. I wish it were so easy. It never has been that easy for me. But this is not my point. I want that bond like I had with college friends over late night cups of coffee at IHOP or glasses of wine while laughing till you cry on someone’s couch.

I did it .............

I am a certified Red Cross / Red Crescent CPR (Adult, Child, and Infant) First Aid, AED Instructor. I only have to observe a full class being taught , do what they call a teach back which is where I will take a section and teach it with an instructor there to coach me , then teach the who class under the watchful eye of another Instructor.
I really mess up my first teach section I did in class I bombed big time but was able to recover and do much better the next day. I still have a lot to learn and I need to get comfortable speaking around people but I think I can do it. I go back Monday to the Red Cross and watch a teaching session. I need to study my Instructor book this weekend just in case Jerry calls on me to take a section I want to be ready.
I also maybe just a tab crazy. Carl and his husband Abe are going to stay with me for a few weeks. They have sold there house and put a bid on a new one but the closing dates are off a few weeks so they are going to hang with me for a while. This will be a test to see if I can handle having roommates again.
What else oh yea I am going to Missouri to see Libby she is living about 70 miles south of St. Louis in a tiny little town there in the Ozarks . While there I am going to sit by the lake and read while she works on Friday, then we are going to head into St. Louis on Saturday and see the sights. The Arch, Bush Gardens. I might even try St. Louis Pizza which from what I have read is made with Provolone cheese. If anyone has any ideas let me know. I doubt I will be able to talk Libby in to a Cardinals Game.

New day

I did it Toby the Wonder Cat has been moved. I dug a nice deep hole and to avoid all the nasty details he is in it. I hope to stay. I don’t think I could do that again.
When I finished I had the shovel in hand so I go busy in my yard and cut down small trees that were growing in the fence, and then got going around my azalea bushes and pulled weeds and more small trees that thought that would be a good place to grow. I put a couple hours worth of work in out there and it felt good. I was able to put my mind on something else other than the grim task my day stated with. I feel better now and my arms and legs are sore from pulling and tugging on weeds and trees all morning.
The Sister is in town and we went over to friends of hers tonight and had a few beers and laughed and had such a good time. Sis was telling her “I’m scared of Owls “story and I was crying I was laughing so hard. I miss times like that with friends the laughing so hard you cry. Those are good times. I think it was a perfect way to end a day.

And you thought your day sucked

In August of last year, as some of you may rememebr, my cat of 13 years passed away one morning. I could not bring myself to see him or to bury him so the roommates I had at the time did it for me. They left soon after and I never learned where he had been buried until today. I was out mowing the lawn and I found his skull in a shallow grave. I am not sure what I should do at this point. There is a fence and woods behind my house and just tossing it over the fence does not appeal to me. I need to do something to honor him and keep it …. What’s the word? Honorable, sacred. Needles to say I need to finish mowing the grass to and not well you get the idea.

She has done it AGAIN !!

So once again My Mother has told me that she is proud of me. ME!! The shock is going to kill me. Today the Department of Health came back and we passed our survey. YAY ME. I busted my butt to get that stuff in order and it all worked out. I was so excited. When I called my Mother to tell her she said she was proud of me again. That is like twice in 1 month the last time she said it before this was the day I graduated high school. Maybe aliens have take over her body? Maybe she is mellowing with age? I don’t know what it is but I like it. I am going to take these things as they come and roll with the flow. Be open to her and her attempts.

Well this Friday I have gotten myself in a real pickle. I think it will be an exciting day it is just going to be a long one. I have to pick up Tony and take him to the Airport on Friday at 5:00AM and since I am going to be close to work I might as well come on into work and get some things done right?
Then I have a training class for my last State Train the Trainer class that starts at 9AM. This one class is only offered every three months so I have no choice despite that fact that I have plans already but oh well. Now my other plans I have volunteered to be a victim. No, I am not going out with one of my boyfriends again. The 2005 Emergency Preparedness Challenge is taking place both Friday and Saturday; I volunteered to be a victim for the excise. I was going to do it all day but because of the class with the State I can’t I will be there from Noon to 9PM it means I wont be delivering pizza. (I am heart broken, ok not really) but so I thought it would be fun to work with Home Land Security get an up close and personal look at just how unprepared they are to handle an emergency that they plan. I am not sure if I will use this as a form to let everyone know how inept they really are, I don’t want to give away tips to the Dark Side.

AN UPDATE

Well here we are again and I am wondering what to write, what to tell. I know I should write more often if only because I check the blogs of my friends on a daily basis, generally, and I get aggravated at the fact they go weeks and don’t update their blogs I am sure because they have much better things to do. I don’t get to jet set across the country nor do I work with people who would be interesting topics of conversation. I am alone in the office 95% of the time. I answer the phone when it rings 4 times a day and I type. Fun.
But here it is I had tuna salad with ROSEMARY TRISKITS and a pear for lunch. Last night I headed home and stopped and bought me a nice bottle of wine, went home, my friend Greg called to tell me how sorry he was that he did not mail me the CD he did that he swore he would mail on Monday and did not. The salmon I bought had gone bad, but I drank a glass of wine anyway had my broccoli salad, rice, and I cooked some of theose frozen breaded shrimp. It worked. Carl and Abe dropped by with their 5 dogs because their house was being shown and they needed to get out. They looked at paint chips for a wall in my house that I want to paint then left. I went to my conversations group and found myself with my head in my lap laughing. In the group we set up intentions for the week and mine is to be more open to my mother because she is trying. I came home went to bed and fell asleep with the TV on. Next week my intention is to use better punctuation. ( OK not really but it will make Ron happy.)

Spell Check has made me a complete idiot. Not that I was the best speller in the world before hand. But now that I am working at a desk and a computer all day long I have gotten even worse than I was before not really caring or putting a lot of effort into getting stuff right because that little red line appears under the word to let me know that I have once again misspelled a word.
That though is not my biggest problem I am not good at 1 knowing that I have misspelled a word it is more I misuse the word. Here lately my biggest problem his been in talking about what our Mangers are going to need to be doing. Well now the problem is that Mangers is a word though not the one I want and it is not even close I am meaning Managers. You can’t even look at those and figure out what I mean. Unlike since, scenes all those I miss use those and most people get the general idea. But again often my spelling is so poor that spell check can’t even figure out what I want to spell and I end up playing with all the letters in different orders and using different vowels until I know it is the word I want. Like my dictionary is a lot of help do you know how hard it is to look up a word that you can’t feakin spell? It is both good and bad, black and white, yen and yang . But I am not any better a speller better typist yes.

Guess what My Mother has gone and done now?

I called my Mother at work yesterday after having a talk with my Boss at the job that I have been working that is supposed to give me more responsibility and more experience. I called her to tell her that I have been made the title VI Coordinator at my Job. I must say I am really stoked about. But when I told Mom she told me she was proud of me. That was a shock I don’t think she has told me that she is proud of me in years. I was taken aback. It had to be the topper to my day possibly to my week. My mom is not one to “SHARE” her feelings and I have kind of felt her doubt about this job the whole time and it was just good to know that she is proud of me.

VINEGAR

Well I am in a really pissy mood this evening. I was when I walked into the pizza gig and I left the pizza gig early because I just was not feeling it. I was going to rip my stupid bosses head off. I had an address that was not complete with only a letter “c” for a last name because he is to lazy to get a last name and then to verify the address and get it correct so I deliver a pizza to the right people in a timely fashion and Say “good evening Ms. Jones how are you?” But no he is a a a a grrrrrrrrrr.
So I am just not having it and I live alone so there is no one to come home and start a fight with over something stupid and lame like the way they eat pop corn. I want to be left the hell alone but I don’t want to be because I wana start something. Because I want to be left alone and not bothered but I don’t. I have not been this way in a long time. Put em! Put em up!

Fear and Loathing

Well I still can’t manage to write in my personal journal everyday. I used to make time each night no matter how tired I was to sit down before I went to bed and write, my thoughts and feelings about the day and the people in it. Then in the morning I would record my dreams. But I have not been able to do that for years.
I had a boyfriend who attempted to read it once and it really put a stop to me putting down my true thoughts and feelings it was a big betrayal and it caused me to just shove my feelings deep inside me. I also had a roommate at that time that I thought was reading it; things would not be right in my room when I came home. So I would carry it with me every time I left the house as to guard my deepest personal thoughts that I don’t share with anyone- the fear, doubt and what have you about myself and those in my life. Even though I had been given a beautiful Lap Desk to keep it. The whole thing had become tainted. As if my soul had been opened and looked into (without my permission) and I just don’t know if anyone should have that kind of access. It is like Post Secrets only it is not anonymous.
There is no one now to steal my thoughts, feelings, hopes and Dreams yet I still can’t move past all that. I can’t feel safe in putting down what’s inside me in the quite, alone at the close of my day. I know that there is a way past all this to let go of that fear. To again find comfort in putting what is in my being on to paper and in to words, and again enjoy this best part of the moments before I sleep like I did before. But those answers are deep inside of me and my biggest battle is to find the way at the end of the day to place it all on to paper and trust myself.

Chill in the Air

Well the weather in Nashville has been just gorgeous the last few days. I wore shorts , once I dug a pair that fit out of the attic , out Sunday it was near 80 degrees. It was beautiful. I went to lunch someplace with out door seating just so I could read my book and enjoy the out doors. Today it is nice outside also and we are expecting some storms later today. I should make it if I don't freeze to death first. I work in a small office the heat and air controls are in the office upstairs from where I am and I do not have access to them and those fools have their air on. It is only 73 out there and I am about to freeze to death. It is bad enough that we are in the basment so it stays cool here. But Jon's Pigunies are going to following me to work and making them selves at home here with me. I might as well start dressing in black and white so I CAN FIT IN!! I just need feathers. I do have a small heater here so I will not die or anything so dramitc but why can't I make out like I will. I hate the cold! Though this does not help me having a love for the mountains. Sigh what to do?

Excitement and a Conversation with God

Well I am really looking forward to tonight I am a part of a Conversations with God Book Group. The group is based on the The serious of books by Neale Donald Walsh. Tonight we start on book 3 which I have not read yet but am very excited about getting into it with my group. When I found my first book back in 1998 I was having serious problem with church and religion and the book was about a God I wanted to believe in. It help me to come to terms with God having no part in religion and it helped me be OK with that. My relationship with God is better now than it ever was and I have this wonderful Group of people with whom to share it. We are from all walks of life and all back grounds most pretty liberal. But they are this totally awesome group of people there are a few lose ends but I really enjoy them and I am really look forward to what is ahead.

Lost my direction

I am so far off base right now. More on a dietary way than anything else. I have in the last few years managed to quit smoking April 9, 2000 and all but eliminate caffeine from my diet Thanksgiving 2004, having a drink with it in there about once a week. But I can not seem to get on track to not eating junk food. For a long time there I was doing extremely well but it has all gone by the way side. I have become a drive through queen pulling into the drive thro over 4 times a week most weeks which is not good. I am wasting money and gaining weight. Round is going to become my shape and I just can't seem to focus on eating right. I know how to do it I have done it. I just have so much less time in the morning than I used to. A few years ago an hour and a half was more than enough time to shower, drink coffee( now tea) , check my e-mail , and then pack a lunch for work. Today it just does not happen I am fighting no one for shower time but the time just slips by and I am running out the door. I have this addiction to chips- potato, corn , French onion, Bar-b-que, jalapeno, oh and add a good salsa and I am done for a basket of chips will be gone. I have lost my self control. I used to eat a cup and a half of fruit for breakfast every morning !!! What is going on. I buy fruit and veggies and they rot in my fridge I have every intention in the world of eating them and then I don't. What is the deal what's is my problem? How can I refocus ?

Making it quick

OK so my lunch will be over in like 2 min. OK I get to set my own lunch hours but that means working longer and who wants to do that? Steph I check your blog just about every day some times twice. Everyone else who is on my list too. So though I am a lazy bum and never write I do read. I have no news to report today I am alive and happy and quite cute if I do say so myself. When I have time I will give out alot my info about laundry and washing dishes and such in the mean time the Goddess must make her car payment.

Letting The cat out of the bag

Not that the cat was in I just have not be really fourth coming about how things are going. I have not wanted to say anything to soon about it all for fear of the big jinks. Murphy's Law is a bitch sometimes and I should know we have been on a very personal basis. As you may or may not know I have been working two part time jobs one delivering piazza's for a major chain the other I got almost as soon as I "lost" my other job. One of the Nurses at the Agency I worked for before has had his own staffing agency for several years. He has been wanting to expand to get his own provider license for Long Term Supports ( Group Homes) and Professional Support Services (Nursing ). This would allow him to 1) open his own homes and give supported living and nursing care to Individuals w/ Developmental disabilities 2) bill the State of Tennessee for the nursing care he already gives instead of billing the agency's that he gives the service to. When I "lost" my job I came back by the office to let my friend help me with my resume on the weekend after. Once it was finished I dropped it into this nurses chair he called that Monday , interviewed me in the parking lot on Tuesday and by Wednesday or Thursday I was working for him. I am rather proud of the turn around. So I have polished both of the applications that he and other people he has hired ( and failed) have been working on for over 2 years , Written and edited Human Recourses Policies, and The Policy and Procedure Manual ( I did use other peoples policies I will not lie, but heck it is hard work.) Now among all the other duties I have been assigned I have been sent to training for a train the trainer. This allows me to teach all incoming staff and recertification old staff on most required training for the State of Tennessee. I am going next month to the Red Cross to be a certified CPR/ First Aid/ AED Instructor. The only classes I am unable to teach are those that require an RN ( Medication Administration , seizure etc.) I am still not full time. But the application I submitted to the State to provide services should go to be signed next week if it is not missing anything. But it is looking good. I thought that Goddess would make a good title. Now does anyone know how to make paragraphs here on Blog Spot. I have tried in vain to do enter and it is not working any clues would be helpful.

No Gnews is Good Gnews

Well my life has been about as exciting as watching paint dry. Not that I mind that so much a little dull is nice for now. I do have to work tonight and it is going to be cold and snowing. We all know what happened the last time it snowed while I was working. I can't afford another fall. So until I have to go to work tonight I am trying to decide if I want to A) clean my laundry room. B) Read a book or C) watch THE PRINCESS BRIDE. Which I picked up at Wal-Mart last night. Hummmmmm let me see. I should really clean up the laundry room it is going to be very cold out tonight and I should let the cats in, this is where they stay now when they come in to visit. But lying on the sofa in my bath robe some how just seems better.