I did it

Don't ask me how I got back into my blog I don't have a clue but I am going to start writing again. Hope you will join me.

Things I don't say

When I dropped him off he looked at me and said "Don't blog about this." "Do you even read my blog?" I asked him. "Nope I don't think I ever have." Its not like I'm The Bloggess or even Dooce. I am low level blogger I have 6 freakin follwers. But DUDE that story was funny. Well I could write it as funny. I think. So I am not going to blog about. But if you want to buy me a cup of coffee or a beer I will gladdly regail you with it. Unless this is "HIM" then this is just a joke because really no one reads my blog. Fuck they took spell check.

Trying

I have been trying to think of what I wanted to say. I have no earth shattering news. I made pizza on the grill.I know stop the world from spinning you want to get off.
I have gained weight and I am sick of my job. I love the clients but I can't seem to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. So I am asking for prayers , positive love and light , Riki that I can figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

I also want fresh chocolate chip cookies and cold milk. Oh and some lactose tablets.

Know that....

Dear Friend;

You know who you are and I hope you are still checking my blog. I know you broke up with me when I would not be supportive of you going back to a husband who beat the fuck out of you. (I totally get that my last statement was passive aggressive.) But I could not and would do that. I understand that you felt betrayed by me and that you love him and he is your husband and you want to make things work. You feel everyone has misjudged him and no one will give him a chance. I need you to know a few things.

When he does ,and he will, hit you again and you decided that you are worth more than to be used as his punching bag. When you realize that no amount of mood stabilizers will fix what he is. When you decide what a bright , funny , loving , kind person you are . I am here for you. I pray for your safety every single day. I Pray that he does not kill you. I pray that you will be able to get away. I pray that , that beautiful spirit I once knew is still there. I pray you know what value you have as a person, a woman, a daughter, a sister, and a friend.

Know that I still love you my dear sweet friend , know that my door is always open to you. Know that you can call me and I will be there.

I know you did what you felt you needed to do. When you are ready come home.

Stephen King

I have started reading 11/22/63. It is 842 pages in hard back not including the Afterward. I should be finished this time next year. Unless I fall alseep reading , drop the book on my head and send myself into a coma.

I Resolve

New Year’s Resolutions for 2012

1) Be a better and more present friend. I have wonderful friends many of whom live in other states and I don’t talk to them like I should. We go way to long without talking and in the New Year I want to fix this. There are tons of ways to talk –phone , email, skype, facetime etc and I miss them. I miss you.
2) I want to figure out what I want to be when I grow up and make a move toward doing it.
3) I have been saying for years this will be the year I start running and now I have been challenged to get moving. Ya we’ll see But I am going to try.
4) Quite honestly 2011 was a pain in my ass. It was a hard year New Job, My Dad was sick , Depressed most of the year . I want to wrap it up put a bow on and store it till I am ready to learn from it.
5) I have got to see Poppy this year. She is getting so big and I want to love on her and her Momma.
6) Gotta Sky Dive again

down with it

After a stern talking to by my doctor about getting my blood pressure down or else back in June. I called my doctor today and made an appointment to go in and get some meds. I don't even have the energy to exercise I am having head aches on a weekly basis because my BP is so high and I frankly don't want to have a stroke. I have to be around to tell AJ stories about her mother and I and all our adventures.

I had a choice of either this Wednesday or October 10th because the company I work for requires a minimum of a two weeks notice for a day off. I could not go this week. So if I do stroke out before then sue them. I could have called in sick on Wednesday but damn my mother and her ethics. Why did she have to teach me to be all moral and crap.

So I am going to get meds then get busy well I will get busy on the days I am not feeling like death on a stick.

the shock would kill you then you would kill me

So earlier this week I posted a status on Facebook "believe me I don't say half the crap that comes to my mind." someone asked why and I stated I wanted to keep my friends. So she started a FB page so I could let lose. I think she is missing the point I say crap and there right next to your breath smells like dog doo is my cute little face.

The point of me not saying it is I have some sort of a filter all be it a very poor filter if you know me. I let things fly out of my mouth and someone will have to call my name and be like "really Fran did you just say that" I will be like Yep. When called on things I have said I have offered to repeat it to their face. But you just don't want to tell someone they are the same selfish bitch they were when they were 13. OK maybe you do but for now I would rather keep that tide bit of info to myself I mean really I already get myself in enough trouble as it is.

But still filter ,filter ,filter

PANIC

So last I wrote I was going to go to school and be a Nurse, an RN. Then after I made my decision and sent out my post, Utter panic sent in. I changed my mind, then I changed it back and now I want to vomit.

Like that time bought a home pregnancy test and peeing on that stick when your 19 ok ok not that bad. That was way worse. It does feel like the time I bought a car and drove off the lot and I all of a sudden thought WHAT IN THE HELL HAVE I DONE??? GET ME OUT OF THIS!

I can still get out of this. I haven't done anything yet. I can keep on living this mundane life without a degree of living pay check to pay check. Earning vacation and being to poor to leave town. Or I can do something more with my life.

I was in school once before and I got far and then flunked out then decided I didn't want to teach any more.(If I could throw myself on the floor or the Chase lounge in a dramatic Southern girl, I have the vapors way I would) Oh Rhett!

So do I pee on the stick or what? Or keep hopping I am going to get my M.R.S. YA OK I'll give up that ghost just like I had to give up that whole romance with C. Thomas Howell. Gawd I loved Pony Boy. Do you think I could still marry him? ok I 'll go to school.

But I am still in this full on panic is Nursing school the right idea? What if I am wrong? What if I am supposed to be a lawyer? Or Party Planner? Seriously I have thought about party planner. But the health insurance plan sucks.

Oh hell I don't know. Stay tuned next week I might want to be a firefighter.

You smell that buring....

.....It was me thinking. I had a very ...um.. euphoric maybe an epiphany is a better word. Anyway it sort of took me by surprise. Like it was the first time I heard it but it wasn't. People have been saying it to me for years. "why don't you do nursing?"

And I have always been like no, that's not what I want to do.

"You should be a nurse" I don't like needles I would reply.

Then today I was with a client at the Doctor and the PA goes "you should be a nurse" And it hit me like YEAH A NURSE that's what I want to do when I grow up is be a nurse. Maybe kind of like walking into the kitchen and suddenly realizing that box you have been opening every day is a refrigerator. Well maybe not but how do you put that into words?

So I am going to look into Nursing School. RN . Have I lost my mind?

big fat hairy DUH

So last year when I turned the big 4-0 I went sky diving and then bought myself this fancy little digital camera. One I can learn with and grow with adding lenses and a nicer flash, buy a tri-pod etc. It is supposed to do all these neat things. And I have been taking it out and snapping away with it.
But I had yet to figure out how to get it set to B&W. I had looked through the manual and I just couldn't see it. I had asked other people and no one knew. Every time I was near Wolf Camera. I either didn't have my camera with me or I was passing it on my way to someplace else and I had not scheduled time to stop.

So after nearly 11 months I did some digging. I asked my cousin Richard if he had any ideas about other things to look under. He suggested I go to the companys web site and see if I could find it there. And there on SONY'S web site is a spot for LIVE HELP. This is where I begin to feel stupid. I sent in my question and got Edgar who in a matter of 5 min while he did his research and about 6 lines between the two of us total. Managed to do what I couldn't figure out in 11 months. What pisses me off is that I didn't think to go to the companys web site on my own.

But no I know how to set it to shoot B&W

Everyone needs a hug

I love this. Free hugs. Hugs should not have a cost and everyone needs one now and again. I was standing on the Korean Veterans Bridge on the 4th of July when the gentleman walked down the street with his sign. I got my hug and watched as he gave them out to others and then as he looked around carefully and cautiously when this young boy ran up to him to get his hug. I cried a little. But then I am a silly girl.

BOOM

Missing

I am missing my friends. The ones who are scattered all over the United States that I can't afford to go and see. Not all of you anyway. The ones who I can bear my soul too.
I miss you guys. I long for a chat with you with a cup of coffee or a nice glass of wine. Where we can lay on the sofa and talk and be honest with each other. I miss that girl time. I miss our inside jokes and I miss my girlfriends.

I am just feeling this need this longing to have some good old fashion chick time

drawing a blank

I came here today with every intention of updating this spot and telling you all what is happening and I got here and there is nothing. Mind is a blank.

Maybe you would like to read something. What would you like to know?

click

Did I tell you all I went sky diving for my 40th birthday? I did. Did I tell you all that I bought myself this fancy smancy camera for my birthday too? Well I had help when people asked what I wanted I told them money to help by this camera and I have been snapping pictures with it. I am carrying it with me most places I go and snapping pictures here and there and every where. That is downtown Nashville, The Custom House



This is my roommate he lost his mind. And if he tells you I did it. He is a liar.

and the Doctor said......

So yesterday I had my annual psychical. You know the one with all the poking and prodding. My blood pressure is up and needs to come down. The Doctor said she will give me a chance to get it down on my own that and my weight. I have to eat right and exercise three to four times a week for 30 minutes or I go on meds. I know how to do it I just don't. I am or well was unmotivated. I can't let genetics win this battle. So onto the fight against meds.

Also waiting on my insurance to approve an MRI on the old noggin. Time to get the tumors checked out and see if they are growing on my brain. I'll let you know how that goes.

ENOUGH

One of my dear sweet beautiful friends finally had enough. Her husband hit her. I don't know all the details and I frankly don't need to know. He had taken her keys and her phone. He had hit her, it was not the first time. I know she was afraid for her life when she was finally able to get to the phone.

He was on parole so when he was picked up on Tuesday he was done. He has been charged with felony domestic assault he is facing 20 to life. They live in Texas. He has called her and "asked" her to drop the charges. Then cried and cried that she is going to leave him like everyone else in his life has when the chips are down. Told her that he loves her and asked her to move to be near him.

She is filing for divorce. I hope she is still filing for divorce.

She is struggling I ask that you think of her and every man, woman and child affected by Domestic Violence each and every day. If you or someone you know is in a Domestic Violence situation you can call 1-800-799-SAFE(7233) For TTY 1-800-787-3224

Bring it on

I am approaching 41. In the last few years I have grab my age by the horns and wrestled it to ground. I am trying to figure out what I want to do with 41 how do I want to embrace it. How do I want to make it mine. I don't know if you have heard but last year I sky dived. I have been looking at my bucket list and trying to decided what do I want to do.

I really don't know if anything can top sky diving. But I have got try.

Do what?

So you all miss me and want an update. Well one of you misses me. And I frankly miss you too. I wonder if I shouldn't just write you a letter since we both love mail. Well good mail not that shit that comes with a clear window but I digress.

I have been at my new job 5 months and 10days. I feel like an idiot. I have always felt secure in the knowledge that I have gained. I know this field I am in. I know the ins and outs for the most part I have a good foundation and I know there is always more to learn. I don't know crap. It is almost like I have spent the last 15 years learning Spanish and I get to Spain and guess what they don't speak Spanish there well not the one you learned. You pick up bites and pieces here and there but for the most part I feel like a moron. You know like in math they say what is 2+2 you say 4 and they tell you that your wrong. This week I feel better than last but OMG. When does this go away?