Down a knotch

My stress level has gone down just a tad. I stayed home today and slept. After having not slept for a few days I stayed home and napped on the sofa. I had to run to the office for a hot minute but then I was back home. And I slept napped most of the afternoon. Sleep does wonders to get rid of stress. At least my stress. So I am not as wiggy stressy as I was.

The guy I told to step up to the plate or get out of my life has made his choice. I am some what relived. We have been playing this game for years and I played along. I did enjoy the game. But I grew tried of it and he didn't want to admit it was a game. I told him if it wasn't a game then prove it. I knew how he would play it and I am glad it is over.

I have got a lot of figuring to do. The main ones have to with why I am so bat shit stressed why I feel so on edge and why I can't figure out what I need to turn it all around. It all came on rather suddenly. Not that I have been unstressed but something all at once went STRESS.

Quite possibly it was not all at once but the million tiny things that have been going on life, work, roommate, yard sale, bills, break-in, to gun or not to gun, and on and on it goes.

Someone give me some good news and if it is I just spent a few days in Paris. I am going to tell you to suck it.

loosing it

I feel as if I am loosing it. Going crazy spinning out of control. I told someone last night to either step up to the late or get the hell out of my life. And its not just that I am full of stress and I need a break. I don't want to eat huge amounts of ice cream or drink my self stupid because I just cant put my finger on what it is I need. But something is building inside of me and I feel it in my chest.

If I knew what I needed I would do it. You know a hot bath , candles , etc. I have got to get it together.

I See you

I have a lot of back and forth emotions about you. But I guess you know that. I have been wondering for a while if you were alive or dead. I found you on FB so now I know you are alive. I am glad you're OK. I hope you are well and happy where your life is today. You should smile more I always loved your smile .I hope a lot of things for you. I wanted you to know that I do see you.

About to freak

I have been extremely reluctant to tell the rest of the story about what has been going on in regards to my break-in. There has been a break in the case. What I am hoping as there has been a break in the case that I have made the right choice.

Half Way

So we are half-way through 2009 can you believe it? So I thought I would regale you with where I am on all the things I said I would do by the end of the year. Really it is more for my own benefit but I am dragging you along for the ride. This is your last chance to exit the ride before we continue

Six months ago I was in a blue funk and moving through a long depression and a friend had blogged on “100 things that bring me joy” 55. Fran’s fantastic attitude toward life. I have really made huge steps toward finding her again. I am doing much better than I was. YAY me.

The old car is paid off. I own it. I am not out of debt still have a lot to do but well I am getting there.

I am working one job in case you missed that post. I still have issues about work but can’t and wont go into that here. I have to make some choices still and the economy is not looking good but then this is the half way post.

The garage has been cleaned out and after this weekends yard sale I will be able to get my car in there. So I am knocking out my home to-do list one item at a time. Come on over and buy my junk. Ok it is not just my junk it is from the members of my paranormal group we are having a yard sale to fix up our web page / buy an inferred camera.

I have not gotten better at eating healthy, writing in my personal journal, recording my dreams and I don’t still don’t know how to insert links. I know I did promise that I would be able to do it by the end of the year but I still have 6 more months.

There is more but I am tired. I am doing really well for half way through the year. How are you doing on your goals?

What to keep

I spent a good part of the day cleaning out the garage. I throw out a lot of stuff. I tossed those ever lame teen angst poems I had written. My work book from modeling school and countless other odds and ends. I set aside a number of things for the yard sale. Made a stack of things to bring back into the house and make the ever keep, trash , sell decision on.
The thing I am not sure what to do with are the old cards, letters, and notes from an old boyfriend. I have them all nicely tucked in a box. Do I keep them or let them go? Do I keep the kerosene heater that I have not used in 9 years? What about that medicine cabinet I got out of my grandmother's house that I always intended to use but can't find the right spot for?

What can I let go of? And the things that I can't what is my attachment to them?

F.E.A.R.

Since the break in I have been full of FEAR.I am not scared to be alone in the house. I am afraid to leave the house. I am afraid that if I am not home the rest of what I have will be taken. I want to be here to protect what is mine. I have no choice but to work so I must leave my home vulnerable. It is almost as if someone has invaded the dark places in my mind where I don't let anyone go.

I believe in facing my fears head on thus the Sky diving before I am 40. And the leaving the house even though I am afraid too. I have other fears but hey these are all front and center today.

Clearing the air

Ok this is for my little sister and all of you that think my sister is an ass. When I told her my house was broken into she did say "Shut- up!" But not in the smart ass way. In that shut-up no shit way. Does that clear things up?

The one where I give evidence

Hi thanks for stopping by. Don't think I have thanked you all lately for coming by my little spot on the World Wide Web. Drinks and snacks will be served in the lounge after the presentation. Sorry there will be no Rum if you remember it was stolen. I don't know if you all have caught on but I can be a wee bit bitter. GRRRR

I am still having to make major adjustments to having a roommate. Why I am having such a hard time I couldn't tell you. Well I could but .... I look bad in it. I know the shock and absolute horror. You look bad NO FREAKING WAY! But still. I am having major personal space issues. He talks to me first thing in the morning and not just "morning" he wants to pick up where we left off last night with more thinking than I am willing to do at 5 freakin 30 in the morning. Have I told you he talks to me during My TV shows not just during commercials , I know we should take him out in shoot him. So I am having to re-adapt. Or well I don't need evidence that can be used against me later.

So I am a month and a half into one job. I am not out every weekend. I do go out but well how do you find a date? I mean seriously. I am over these dating sites tips people. I have been out of the dating scene for a while. I am going out and doing things I enjoy. but hey where are single men in the 37-42 range? Anyone? Anyone?

They left the cheap vodka

Yesterday started out like well any other Thursday but when I arrived home and found the empty coffee can I keep my loose change in sitting on my bed I was like HUH? That's not right. The window in the kitchen door was on the kitchen floor I had been robbed. I called the police they said don't touch anything someone will be out. I called my roommate to say oh hey we have been robbed you may want to get home and see what's missing of yours. Called my sister who just said "Shut-up" TXT my buddy Anthony who said "I'll be by after work." And I sat and waited and waited talked to my neighbors to say hey be on the look out. It all and all is not so bad. They got maybe $150 in cash and it looks like a few cheap little earrings are missing. I will not be sure which ones until I put on the dress I wear the earrings with and then I'll be CRAP. My roomie lost some blank checks and they took my GD Mother Freakin RUM and my Mango Rum.Left the cheap Vodka and took my Rum.

The cops did come and they dusted for prints. Didn't get crap because well I am a lousy house keeper and well just so you know high gloss paint is your enemy when it comes to getting prints.

I am not so much afraid to be alone in the house as I am afraid to leave the house. I want to be here to keep my stuff safe. IT IS MY STUFF.

I am going to go ahead and bite the bullet and get a dog. I have been wanting a German Shepard for some time so once I get my car tuned up the next thing I buy will be a good dog.One that I can train to eat the next Mother Fucker that breaks into my house. That takes a lot of work and I have not done much research into Protection Training. I have to step it up a notch. I want to be totally and completely sure if I have a dog that has been protection trained I can handle him and the responsibility that comes with such a task. If not well I want a good obedience school. Well trained dog well trained owner Everyone is happy.

I should be

If my email in box is any indication I should be rich and have a hot man by now. The number of those send me $150.00 as a transaction/ shipping and handling fee and I can get you the money that has been bequest to you by my extremely rich client. I get two or three a day. Since I have not responded I get them writing me back. We have not heard from you and if you do not respond with the utmost urgency your bequest will have to go to the next person on the list. YA OK I'll get on that and get you my bank account info toot sweet.

Then of course there is the ever overflow of dating sites and groups. Meet Rich men , meet married men, meet women. So does the whole world think I am desperate? You would think with all that there would be men falling at my beautiful feet.

Did I forget to tell you about all the adds for jobs I mean I can be retrained and be a Lawyer, a Medical Transcriptions. My possibilities are endless. For a fee

So what I want to know is can I borrow $150 to get started then I can be all I should be.

character

I am so glad to see people still have some.