Lies My Mother taught me

Parents like to brag I teach little Jimmy to tell the truth. YA right up till he tells the Diet Tribe that you are part of that you all had lunch at Baskin Robbins today.

I was taught not to lie. One Sunday Daddy missed Church and Mr. and Mrs. Evans two of the Church Elders turned and asked me where my Daddy was (Mom was singing in the Choir)and I with the innocence of my 6 or 7 years told them that my Daddy had had to much to drink last night and stayed home. I remember Mr. Evans' eyes getting wide and him saying "OH" and turning back around in the pew. After Church I told Momma what I had said and she had her first of many mini strokes right there in the car in the church parking lot. " YOU SAID WHAT!?!!?! You're Father ate something that made him sick!" Oh she was pissed. But I had heard her helping him up the stairs that night and them "talking" that morning. Yes Daddy was sick its called a hangover. So I was not tell those kind of things? Ya know LIE.

I was in high school and had gotten suspended over something stupid. I yelled at Mrs. Brasher. She sent me to the office and Mrs. Johnson the Principal suspended me. She asked me " Fran, What is your Mother going to do to you?" I told her "She is going to beat the shit out of me." How many times had that woman told me if I did not straighten up she was going to beat the fire out of me? She had made the threat on numerous occasions. Again this was one was those times my Mother had a mini stroke she was in tears when I picked her up from work. Mrs. Johnson had called her and asked to please not beat me. Well if you don't want me to tell people that you are going to beat me then maybe you should mot tell me to shut my mouth or you will shut it for me.

So I learned from my mother that you don't tell the whole truth which is different from what I was taught because you don't tell the Church Elders that your Dad is home hungover. It is also wrong tell your mother that you are going to the mall and then go and drive thru the parking lot and leave. Well I was at the mall. Why are you mad. I went to the mall I just didn't stay. I didn't lie did I ?

So when you tell your children YOU TOLD HER WHAT? Remember one day they are going to use this whole not tell you the whole truth thing back on you and well just remember Dad had to much to drink last night. My Mother is still pissed about that.