Again with the Deep thought

So my Friend Steph is apparently on this deep thought kick here as of late and has poised yet another deep question she says your answer can't be exercise and drink water. This is also where I swear on my favorite comfy pants that my next blog will be more up beat with cheery things like bunnies and signing raccoons.

What is there in your life that you think you should be doing but don't? Why?

I really think I should be going back to school and working on my Degree. I somehow feel uncompleted without it and as if my life is missing something.

Why don't I? Well, off the bat it is because I am already working 2 jobs I don't need to add school to that. I keep thinking that once I am down to one I will be able to put the focus to school that it really needs. Put on my bobby socks and saddle shoes and go get em.

Secondly well deep inside me in the very dark places of my mind and psyche where I do not let people even me. I don't think I can do it. I see myself as a failure. I am scared to death of heights but I want to jump out of a plane and meet this fear head on. But this fear has a deep hold on me and I would much rather stand in the door of a plane thousands of feet above ground and think about jumping out than face school again. I mean if I fail to jump out of a plane people look at you and say I wouldn't have jumped either.

Then it makes me mad as hell because that bitch wins. The one that told me I couldn't do it in the 6th grade. So I am filled with fear and shame. I am full of shame for not having finished school and full of fear to try and that I never will. Then I am back to shame and we are on to yet another deep question what is your fear.

So I should be going to school and I am not because I am afraid to fail.