Check out this Blog

I ask that you take a moment out of your busy day and read this blog
http://americasnexttopmommy.blogspot.com/2010/03/why-not.html

Alicia and her family are in the middle of adopting an older child out of the foster care system. Take into account the system when you think about adopting a child.

I think Alicia is an amazing women she sticks to what she says she is going to do. She sees a need for change in the world and instead of talking about it she does it. She will give till it hurts to help someone and I really admire what she has done.
So please read this info she posted and think about what you can do.

Nighty night

I have not been sleeping worth shit here lately. Even before my little vacation to see the amazing little Princess Anastasia in St. Petersburg and her parents. I was not sleeping well. I have not the foggiest idea why when I head to bed I am laying down at 10p looking at the giant spider web on the ceiling saying to myself I need to get that as the time ticks by to close to 1am before I end up giving in the the sweet sunder that is sleep. So you know when my alarm goes off at 5am I have been feeling very betrayed by it by time and the gods of sleep.

I have tried drinking a nice relaxation tea. I have tried deep breathing excises. I have not been napping in the afternoons. I have tried drinking.

I know we all cycle though these phases but come on give me a break.

Just how much..

I often find myself doing the great internal debate about how much to pour out here. Once it is on the Internet it is here forever and ever.
How much of my life do I share? Do I talk about being in love , or pushing my over bearing Mother out of my life, do I share that fear of dying alone and how I am both excited and scared to death to go to this Middle School Reunion I have coming up?

I am not a writer. My English skills suck bricks. I am always sure my writer and English Grad friends are just dying to take a big RED pen to my blog and scream put a comma there.

There have been a number of things I have wanted to get off my chest. I am just not sure this is the place to do that. Why do you read a blog? I know there are some that share personal stories. They touch your heart , you can feel empathy for them you understand and have a personal connection to them. While blogs like " Things my Girlfriend and I argue about" and "Daddy Scratches" Are funny as hell. How great is my impact on the bloggistfear and the fact that my roommate can dispel the myth that all gay men are neat freaks and have awesome fashion sense. Becasue frankly Carl that white belt that you think is so cool. Ya it went out of style with my jazz shoes.

You would think I would learn

You would think it would have sunk into my pea brain by now. But for a reason known only to God and perhaps a good psychologist. I keep doing it over and over like my results would change.

I know I know he is 23. That is 16 years my JUNIOR. It is a game , it is not a game. Are we playing with each other or is it more than a game. It is the reason I went 7 years without sex. Who wants to keep playing that game? I mean really. What the hell is wrong with me?

He makes me promise I am going to love him forever that it will be forever, then tells me I am putting to much pressure on him.

He tells me he loves me then referrers to me as a fuck buddy.

Yes I read that damn stupid book " He's Just not that into You." Damn stupid book.

I am not 22 any more. So I don't believe him. I played those games when I was that ages. I walked away scared and bleeding.

Would someone please tell me why I keep sticking my hand in the fire? What is my problem?!?!?!?

I am so screwed.

A little late

I know I am a little late and last week has come and gone. But my being late is not very earth shattering but I did promise you news that was.

I got my health insurance cards in the mail. To most people it is no big deal to get insurance cards in the mail. It happens to folks every day the mail runs. But I lost my health insurance when I lost my job in Nov of 2005. I have been without coverage since then. At first my main reason putting off getting more was well it was down to a choice my home and car or health care. Then as I got out of debt and paid off my car. I was denied because of a pre-Existing condition. The company that has agreed to cover me will not cover my pre-existing condition. But at least I have health care.

No thanks to the bone heads in Washington.

I promise. Yes, Again!

OK PROMISE you all that I will come forth with news so earth shattering. So heart stopping that you will never be the same again. And if not you can bite me. But I will update before the end of the week. The ideas are spinning in my head.And frankly it is making me a little dizzy.

46 hours and counting

I am taking a vacation I can't wait.

Good Bye Mel

It was a week ago today I heard. Saturday it will be a year that you have been gone. How is it that you lose someone you used to be so incredibility close to , someone who knew you better than anyone in your life and 50 weeks go by before you learn they died.
I will always hold a special place in my heart for you my dear friend. You REALLY LIVED!!