It must be Nashville

It must be me or maybe it is just Nashville. But all the cool people I know are leaving town. First Steph , then Jonathon, Sybi and Tomorrow JW leaves to go back to New Jersey. Though I have never been to New Jersey I understand there is not much there to be drawn to. In all seriousness his kids are there and he has one hell of a great business opportunity. I can not fault anyone for that. Each friend has left for better things, family –jobs – or just the hell of it. My hope for each of them is that they are truly happy where they are. I do know other cool people and now I have a longer list of cool places to visit Phoenix , AZ ; Seattle ,WA ; Potosi ,MO ; Lebanon , MO; San Angelo , TX; St. Petersburg , FL ; Newark , DE and now New Jersey. But I love you all no matter where you are in this world. I am grateful for each and every one you. So to all of you today and everyday I send my love and the warmth of our friendship. Clean out your guest room I might be on my way.

Knocking

Apparently Aunt Dot is back from the brink of death yet again. It looks like she will live to die another day. (OK bad pun). At this point it looks as though another Aunt and Uncle that live in Atlanta are going to go ahead and go out of town for vacation this could mean that Dot will live or that Uncle Albert does not want to lose his deposit. We shall see.
Is my FAMILY the only one that is just INSANE? Quick hurry she is going to die. Well wait don’t hurry that fast she will die some day just not right now. Then my cousins wanted to deny her pain meds so she would be lucid when the last of her children arrived. The doctor had to insist that she be given something. The woman was in unbearable pain and these nuts were being selfish Bastards. PROMISE me this one thing when I am knocking on deaths door and waiting to see if the door will open. I WANT MORPHINE!!! I do not want to die in pain. I want to be in as little pain as possible. I don’t care who is coming or from where. If any one of you deny me drugs for your own selfish reasons I will come back and haunt your ass. I don’t mean the’ oh yea I have a ghost tee hee hee’. I am talking Exorcist, Amityville Horror; make you pee your pants kind of scared and if you move I will come with you. There so much for being loving and peaceful.

To End.....

I am such a lazy bum. I spent most of the day laying on the sofa I didn’t do crap today I left the house to get the Sunday Paper out of the driveway around 8:30 am and then I left to go to Dairy Queen to get a Blizzard about 12 hours later. I called in to Domino’s tonight I was not feeling well I anyway. I napped on the sofa for over an hour until my Mom called to let me know that my Aunt Dot has gone into the hospital and it does not look like she will come back out.
She has been this sick before and recovered. She has been suffering from a massive clot in her legs. And for the last few years has been unable to care for herself and has been living with my cousin and her family. The fact that she could be dying is sad yes but I am not brought to tears. It is that moving on to the next world, to the next stage in life is better. I THINK that the concept of my feelings might be hard to explain. I am relived that she will be released of her pain and of her earthbound body. Then move forward to the next stage of her life, what ever that choice is for her.
Isn’t there a poem about the Sweet Release of Death? I can’t find it of there is one. Why some deaths easier to take and others are leave you sobbing every time someone ask you “How are you doing?” I try to have this it is better attitude but some times it just freakin sucks. But for Aunt Dot today it does not suck. When her husband, my Uncle Frank, passed away I was at a church retreat with my youth group. He had been sick for a long time and had gotten much worse he suffered each day he continued to live. Our leaders had sent us off to pray once we had all arrived and gotten settled. I stepped over to a spot and prayed this prayer. “Please take away my Uncle Franks pain.” I happened to look at my watch it was 8:05 PM. The next morning after breakfast we were in a group activity and my mother walked in and sat down. I wondered why in the world she would be there. Libby made it over first and began to cry. I walked over to her and she told me that my Uncle Frank had died last night. “When?” I asked. “8:09” Was her answer. So tonight I will ask that same prayer for Dot. To end her pain.

Rolling in the mud with Pigs

What is the deal with you men? People ask me all the time why I hang out with gay men and it is because 90% of the straight men I know are freakin PIGS! I went out for drinks last Saturday night with a guy who was supposed to be my friend. I have told him repeatedly that I don’t want anything more from him than friends this is clear is it not? He has said he will take what ever I offer. On the way home he kept trying to hold my hand. I kept patting his and giving him back his hand. I was tried and had said this he kept trying to find a way to stay at my house like sit in the yard and look at stars, PLEASE! We get back to my house he walks me to my door I give him a hug and hey thanks for the night. The he gabs me again and does that head tilt lean in thing, OMG, I have to push him off of me as a pull my head back and look at him like he is nuts. I get him off me and step in my house say good night and shut the door and lock it.
What is the freakin deal? I am a nice person if you are a friend male or female I will bend over backwards for you. I will do shit just to be nice because I am that kind of a gal. I give my heart and soul to all my friends. I send you cards and buy shit for you just because I am thinking of you. It does not mean shit except hey I dig you as a person. Why do some men get this and others don’t? Why does one male friend get that when I buy his lunch and give him a cheesey card and gift that goes with the card get that we are friends and I am thanking him for a really cool thing he did and another think that because I listen to him that this means I want to sleep with him? If I were as nice to the second as I was to the first hell I would have been in major trouble?
HEY guy one favor lemon guy thank you for the RESPCT !!! It is so flattering to be treated that way by a guy and know that you don’t have to be on guard all the time. You are tops! I hope you know that. I was thrilled to find someone like you and call you friend.
GUY two drop dead!

Now I have more than two straight male friends, guy two is not really one anymore, there is the one that gave me money after I lost my job to make ends meet. He does not want shit. Except a place to sleep when he is hung out to dry. Thank you for the RESPECT.
Where are you guys the nice ones that don’t want to force themselves on me? Huh tell me. I need to get that Pigs, jack asses apply here tattoo removed from my forhead.

Beer and me

Last night I went to the Flying Saucer down behind the Union Station Hotel. It is a really nice beer hall I was highly impressed. I had been meaning forever to get down there and last night I had the chance. They have 77 beers on tap with a total of 222 that’s a lot of beer. The prices range from like $3.00 to $28.00 for a 22oz import. They even have a web site but who the hell doesn’t today beerknurd.com. One could make a goal to try all 222 beers in a life time but last night I tried three; two glasses and the waitress brought me a sample of another. I tried the Smithwick’s Irish Ale I give this beer an A+. The Left Hand Sawtooth Amber gets an A. And then the North Coast Red Seal Ale gets a B. Now I am by no means a beer expert but this is my grading system. I will say as far as class goes the Flying Saucer is a million time more classy than the Stone Lion ever dream of being but then there are port –a- jons that are more classy than the Stone Lion was of course this fact did not stop me from dropping by there now and again when I lived in Chattanooga. But the place did have a bladder bust night for a $1. If you are a beer drinker I say drop by and give The Flying Saucer a try they are a small chain and have 11 locations a small menu and a few beer shots.

Fourth of July

I guess like most holidays there are childhood memories that flash back and you travel back to a time and place where you were innocent and your only care in the world was the here and the now. I have such fond memories of the Fourth of July. Some of the families on the street I grew up on, out in south Nashville, used to get together have a cook out and set off fireworks.
My sister Libby, our father, and I used to take the drive up the road just outside the county line to Smyrna where we would buy our fireworks. It was a quick trip and Libby, and my eyes would grow big. Because we would want the big bang lots of color things that would put on a show and a big bang. Libby and I wanted the big package of firecrackers but Dad would only allow us to get the smallest one which had like 20 in it however, if you spent so much you would get another pack of 20 for free now this was cool. 2 small boxes of sparklers, a ten pack of bottle rockets, those snake things, of course Roman Candles, and a small variety of things that would shoot wonderful colors into the air.
The Picnic brought out what kids thought is the best hot dogs, hamburgers, chips, Cokes (junk food) then water melon, there could have been chicken and ribs for all I knew. We would eat and eat then start with the snakes and firecrackers before it got dark. Our dog Barnaby, a Bassett Hound, would get to sleep in the house he was terrified by the fireworks. As dusk came the things that made pretty colors like the sparklers would come out. Each family would sort of lay out their goodies and we would all take turns till we got to the GRAND FANALLY. To kids it was late and by the end of the night I would be so sick with all the junk food and having inhaled enough smoke from all the fireworks I would be throwing up. My Mom would get out of bed get a cup of water and a cold rag and sit with me until it was over. Then tuck me back into bed. It is my earliest memory of making a promise to the Great Porcelain God that I would never again mix such a concoction. But that lesson was not easily learned.