I would like to be able to say that I have moved passed the overwhelming desirer to become a mother but I haven’t. I was all boo hooey last week sitting in my office crying over what I don’t have, A husband and a child. I know people are trying to be kind when they tell me about women having kids into their forties. But it hurts. It is painful.
I am lonely painfully lonely and it is not a pain right now that friends can fill. I miss the intimacy of being in a relationship. But then I depress myself even more because I like to think of myself as HAPPILY single but I miss being in a relationship and find myself lonely. I don’t know if that is a mix I can fully explain. I hate to even admit that I am lonely IT IS AN UGLY CYCLE. Round and round I go.
So here I sit lonely with the overwhelming desire to be a mother. Not a good mix. I know that I will move past lonely this is a phase. But the tick, tick , tick remains but for now there is a lid in my pain.