Missing

I am missing my friends. The ones who are scattered all over the United States that I can't afford to go and see. Not all of you anyway. The ones who I can bear my soul too.
I miss you guys. I long for a chat with you with a cup of coffee or a nice glass of wine. Where we can lay on the sofa and talk and be honest with each other. I miss that girl time. I miss our inside jokes and I miss my girlfriends.

I am just feeling this need this longing to have some good old fashion chick time

drawing a blank

I came here today with every intention of updating this spot and telling you all what is happening and I got here and there is nothing. Mind is a blank.

Maybe you would like to read something. What would you like to know?

click

Did I tell you all I went sky diving for my 40th birthday? I did. Did I tell you all that I bought myself this fancy smancy camera for my birthday too? Well I had help when people asked what I wanted I told them money to help by this camera and I have been snapping pictures with it. I am carrying it with me most places I go and snapping pictures here and there and every where. That is downtown Nashville, The Custom House



This is my roommate he lost his mind. And if he tells you I did it. He is a liar.

and the Doctor said......

So yesterday I had my annual psychical. You know the one with all the poking and prodding. My blood pressure is up and needs to come down. The Doctor said she will give me a chance to get it down on my own that and my weight. I have to eat right and exercise three to four times a week for 30 minutes or I go on meds. I know how to do it I just don't. I am or well was unmotivated. I can't let genetics win this battle. So onto the fight against meds.

Also waiting on my insurance to approve an MRI on the old noggin. Time to get the tumors checked out and see if they are growing on my brain. I'll let you know how that goes.

ENOUGH

One of my dear sweet beautiful friends finally had enough. Her husband hit her. I don't know all the details and I frankly don't need to know. He had taken her keys and her phone. He had hit her, it was not the first time. I know she was afraid for her life when she was finally able to get to the phone.

He was on parole so when he was picked up on Tuesday he was done. He has been charged with felony domestic assault he is facing 20 to life. They live in Texas. He has called her and "asked" her to drop the charges. Then cried and cried that she is going to leave him like everyone else in his life has when the chips are down. Told her that he loves her and asked her to move to be near him.

She is filing for divorce. I hope she is still filing for divorce.

She is struggling I ask that you think of her and every man, woman and child affected by Domestic Violence each and every day. If you or someone you know is in a Domestic Violence situation you can call 1-800-799-SAFE(7233) For TTY 1-800-787-3224

Bring it on

I am approaching 41. In the last few years I have grab my age by the horns and wrestled it to ground. I am trying to figure out what I want to do with 41 how do I want to embrace it. How do I want to make it mine. I don't know if you have heard but last year I sky dived. I have been looking at my bucket list and trying to decided what do I want to do.

I really don't know if anything can top sky diving. But I have got try.

Do what?

So you all miss me and want an update. Well one of you misses me. And I frankly miss you too. I wonder if I shouldn't just write you a letter since we both love mail. Well good mail not that shit that comes with a clear window but I digress.

I have been at my new job 5 months and 10days. I feel like an idiot. I have always felt secure in the knowledge that I have gained. I know this field I am in. I know the ins and outs for the most part I have a good foundation and I know there is always more to learn. I don't know crap. It is almost like I have spent the last 15 years learning Spanish and I get to Spain and guess what they don't speak Spanish there well not the one you learned. You pick up bites and pieces here and there but for the most part I feel like a moron. You know like in math they say what is 2+2 you say 4 and they tell you that your wrong. This week I feel better than last but OMG. When does this go away?

Forever and A day

It has been forever since we have been here. For those of you who have not been along on this personal ride with me the last 6 months has been a roller coaster of ups and downs. It has been life. Life is full of its ups and downs and ebbs and flows. Yet we come through it. But no matter what I am here and it was not the roughest thing I have been through I am better for having made the journey. I hope no matter my struggles I remember that.
Thank you to my wonderful and dear friends. Who were with me in person and in thoughts and prayers. I LOVE YOU ALL

2010

2010
1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
I don’t know if you got them memo heard me brag or what but I WENT SKY DIVING!!!

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Of course I did I am a better person than I was last year. I am in a far better place. I want to be better next year than I was before. I am also on a best of Mission. I want to find the best chicken salad, the best Sub, the best pizza, the best sushi, best steak you get it. And I am going to search Nashville and the surrounding areas to find it.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes Steph had the most lovely little girl. I love Anastasia and her Momma.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes my boss died.

5. What countries did you visit?
Never left the USA but I traveled far and wide in my dreams.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
I am so tempted to say a baby. But I will not. I am not sure what I could want when I have amazing friends and family. I want more of the same.

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why.
On August 28, 2010 I went Sky Diving on a Sunset load which is pretty awesome.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Did I tell you I went sky diving!

9. What was your biggest failure this year?
.Not spending my money wisely

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Only my pride was wounded.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Sky diving and a new camera

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
The City of Nashville. Whose residents came together in the midst of the worst two days of flooding the city has ever seen. And put out hands to help neighbors and strangers and not because no one came but because WE ARE NASHVILLE the greatest city in the world.


13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
BP Oil and those that think all humans are not entitled to equal rights

14. Where did most of your money go?
House payment.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Did I tell you I went SKY DIVING!!!!

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
I feel so ALIVE

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder? I am so much HAPPIER!!!!
ii. Thinner or fatter? Thinner
iii .richer or poorer? About the same

18. What do you wish you'd done more?
Sky Diving

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worrying about the things I can not change

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Here in Nashville with my family.

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?.
I found someone I lost in 2009 in 2010 and feel head over heels in love with myself again. I really missed her and I am so glad I have myself back. Hi me.

22. How many one-night stands?
Is it a one night stand if it is the same guy or just a booty call?

23. What was your favorite TV program? TV?
I like CSI, NCIS, How I Met Your Mother, Mike and Molly

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't hate people but I sure as heck don't really like a few people anymore.

25. What was the best book you read?
Nothing really rocked me this year.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
That band that sings that sing about that thing . Does Neil Patrick Harris have a band yet?

27. What did you want and get?
I got to go sky diving and The greatest friends in the world. I am so blessed with a great group friends whom I would not trade for the world. Ok maybe one of you I would trade but only for the cash.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
I know I didn’t’ see it till it was on DVD but I loved ‘Taking Chance’

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 40 and in case you missed it I went SKY DIVING!!

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More sky diving

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Are shoulder pads still in style?

32. What kept you sane?
Finding myself and who I really am I lost that and I found myself again.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
The Nashville ones who helped out their home town

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
I am over politics

35. Who did you miss this year?
You of course

36. Who was the best new person you met?
I met some really great people at my new job

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:The first step is the hardest the rest is a cake walk
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: “I feel so alive for the very first time”

I swear it this time

the awesome amazing skydive birthday post is coming. I really mean it.
Then I have a question how many different email address do you have? I was thinking that some time ago I had lost mail from someone who once I got to looking at some point had like 4 it went to my spam box and is gone forever. I have several but they are all start about the same then one for professional use that I put on my resume

ALIVE

I don’t know that I can put into words the whole experience. It was by far the best thing I have EVER done in my life. It has been such a rush. I have not really slept since last night and I don’t know that my feet have touched the ground yet. As a friend put it “Your life will never be the same now you can go forward and know there is nothing you can’t do.” I feel as if I can take on the world. You see the videos and you hear people talk about it and some are like ya it was great but it was and it is so much more than that. It has opened my eyes to so much. I am sitting on my sofa and looking out and at the sky and wondering when I can get back up there. I never knew how dead I was till I went. This quote just about sums it all up. "For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return" Leonardo de Vinci

There are over 200 pics and I am still trying to figure out how to get the video on here. Hey I got it on FB so I am getting somewhere

Nerves

Nervousness is starting to set in. I leave in about 2 hours. Yep I'm scared

Count Down

I am on the count down to my sky dive I am less than 48 hours away. The jump was switched from the morning to the afternoon so a friend can go with me. Initially I was going alone ok well let me back up. My friend Pam was going with and called called to late and there were no available spaces left when she got around to calling. The sky dive place had a cancellation and called me to see if I would change my time so Pam and I could go together and I was like HELL YA.

I was a little disheartened that no one was coming with me to even watch but now I have some one with me. YEPPIE!! I hope I can figure out how to post the video so you all can see it. It may take a while because I don't know if you have figured it out yet or not but I am not a computer whiz, all this time and I still don't know how to in bed links on this damn thing yet.

I have narrowed it down to 3 songs so now I have to pick.
REM = It's a Beautiful Day
Twisted Sister= I am , I'm Me
Bryan Adams= Only the Strong Survive

My Song

I am still rolling over in my head the song track I will have laid over sky dive video. I am not going to do 'Free Falling' nor 'Jump'. I would love to find something great by a little indy artist or use something for one of my friends that writes music but nothing really sticks out.

I have a few in mind and as I listen to the radio I try to see if anything jumps out and screams pick me pick me.
This is what I am thinking

Pump up the Volume
It's A beautiful Day - R.E.M.
I can see Clearly Now

I thought about doing the the chart topper from when I was born but that is Edwin Stars 'WAR' so that is out. I am down to abotu a week and a half to make up my mind. I only have a few CDs and have never once downloaded a song ot MP3 I am not a music queen.

I couldn't do it alone

I have been wanting to get out my feelings since the break-in but then I really don't know if those are feelings I want to go back later and relive.

I didn't sleep for a week because I was terrified. One night a week later I barricaded myself in my room and wondered how fast I could get my phone and get into the bathroom and pray I lived till the cops came. Several nights I slept on the sofa with all the lights on. I don't want to really remember feeling helpless and having to call a friend and say look I can't even change a lock. I couldn't even get the screws to go in straight.I wanted to do it myself and use that as a means to reclaim my home and my sense of Independence and I failed.

I pride myself on my I can do it my own damn self attitude and that was gone. I didn't want to leave the house because I didn't want to come home at night alone in the dark. And that made me even madder. That I had lost that enjoyment of being alone that idea I can handle most of what needs to be done by myself.

I can change a door knob alone and I can't change out the wax seal on my toilet alone these were little facts I had come to accept and I couldn't even do the simple things.

I have gotten most of it back. I did call a friend as I walked back into the house last night and he talked to me as I walked from room to room. He had offered to follow me home and walk through the house with me. But I told him "no , I have to do this alone." I have to reclaim my I can do it myself. But it was and is nice to know when I couldn't when I needed my friends they were here. They came and sat with me till the cops came they stayed the first night. They called and called and called. And then I got my smiles in the mail. :)

I had a boyfriend and when we broke-up he ask me if I wanted to know what my problem was? He told me I was to God Dam Independent. He was still pissed because I change a flat tire by myself or some nonsense. So the lesson I have learned I can handle a flat tire but not some jack ass takiing my shit and going through my panties but that is another post

Crazed , Shattered and back again

Life has been nothing short of insane on my end of the world wide web. I arrived home Wed July 21 to find my house had been broken into again. My Lap Top and Jewelry were gone. This time they took the whole damn jewelry box. I am sick. I have been over whelmed with decisions about which alarm company to go with it all boils down to either paying up front or paying out over three years. This is once of those times I wish I had someone else to help me with this.

Today I did schedule my tandem sky dive for Aug 28th. I would leave a Will before I go be the thieves took it all. So there is nothing to leave you all. But this fine blog.

Well I guess its a sign

I have not used my gym membership in months and months. I actually thought it had expired until I was checking my bank account today and low and behold they took out money I must have signed a two year deal. I forget those things. So I am going back to the gym I swear it this time. I am totally going to be sexy by forty. I ask you all to call me out on it. I also wonder if there are any of my readers in Nashville that would want to meet me at the Gym at an obnoxiously early hour in the morning 3 days a week. Wait maybe thats a bad idea seeing as how am so awesome and all.

Devil Balls

So I don't know if you know this about me but I love to cook. I made a batch of Devil Balls where in the hell I was planning on taking them I don't know. My sister told me not to do it. I should have listned to my sister. I ate the freakin batch. I gave away a few but I ate I ton of them. I don't even want to get on the scale tomorrow. I had to make some more last weekend to take to Wayne and Judy's for the pool party from the last post. I left that batch with them. I ate the last of my devil balls today. Why?? I will tell you why they are good and I enjoyed every one of them.

Relax

I really need to do more of this

School

Well I made the call the other day to Nashville State Technical Community College. I am thinking about going back to school. I think it would help if I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. Mommy is not going to pay my mortgage and at the rate I am going that is not going to happen in this life time. But I will save that depressing blog for later. I know you are excited about that.

So I need to think about what I want to do with the rest of my life. What am I good at? How can I use my creative talents and what are they any way? A dear friend rattled them off the other day cooking, photography she liked a picture I took, and writing I don’t think she has read my blog. She also suggested I try decorating also.

So I am going to be praying for asking guidance so I can figure out what is my creative talent what do I want to be. Where do I want to go?