Nighty night

I have not been sleeping worth shit here lately. Even before my little vacation to see the amazing little Princess Anastasia in St. Petersburg and her parents. I was not sleeping well. I have not the foggiest idea why when I head to bed I am laying down at 10p looking at the giant spider web on the ceiling saying to myself I need to get that as the time ticks by to close to 1am before I end up giving in the the sweet sunder that is sleep. So you know when my alarm goes off at 5am I have been feeling very betrayed by it by time and the gods of sleep.

I have tried drinking a nice relaxation tea. I have tried deep breathing excises. I have not been napping in the afternoons. I have tried drinking.

I know we all cycle though these phases but come on give me a break.

Just how much..

I often find myself doing the great internal debate about how much to pour out here. Once it is on the Internet it is here forever and ever.
How much of my life do I share? Do I talk about being in love , or pushing my over bearing Mother out of my life, do I share that fear of dying alone and how I am both excited and scared to death to go to this Middle School Reunion I have coming up?

I am not a writer. My English skills suck bricks. I am always sure my writer and English Grad friends are just dying to take a big RED pen to my blog and scream put a comma there.

There have been a number of things I have wanted to get off my chest. I am just not sure this is the place to do that. Why do you read a blog? I know there are some that share personal stories. They touch your heart , you can feel empathy for them you understand and have a personal connection to them. While blogs like " Things my Girlfriend and I argue about" and "Daddy Scratches" Are funny as hell. How great is my impact on the bloggistfear and the fact that my roommate can dispel the myth that all gay men are neat freaks and have awesome fashion sense. Becasue frankly Carl that white belt that you think is so cool. Ya it went out of style with my jazz shoes.

You would think I would learn

You would think it would have sunk into my pea brain by now. But for a reason known only to God and perhaps a good psychologist. I keep doing it over and over like my results would change.

I know I know he is 23. That is 16 years my JUNIOR. It is a game , it is not a game. Are we playing with each other or is it more than a game. It is the reason I went 7 years without sex. Who wants to keep playing that game? I mean really. What the hell is wrong with me?

He makes me promise I am going to love him forever that it will be forever, then tells me I am putting to much pressure on him.

He tells me he loves me then referrers to me as a fuck buddy.

Yes I read that damn stupid book " He's Just not that into You." Damn stupid book.

I am not 22 any more. So I don't believe him. I played those games when I was that ages. I walked away scared and bleeding.

Would someone please tell me why I keep sticking my hand in the fire? What is my problem?!?!?!?

I am so screwed.

A little late

I know I am a little late and last week has come and gone. But my being late is not very earth shattering but I did promise you news that was.

I got my health insurance cards in the mail. To most people it is no big deal to get insurance cards in the mail. It happens to folks every day the mail runs. But I lost my health insurance when I lost my job in Nov of 2005. I have been without coverage since then. At first my main reason putting off getting more was well it was down to a choice my home and car or health care. Then as I got out of debt and paid off my car. I was denied because of a pre-Existing condition. The company that has agreed to cover me will not cover my pre-existing condition. But at least I have health care.

No thanks to the bone heads in Washington.

I promise. Yes, Again!

OK PROMISE you all that I will come forth with news so earth shattering. So heart stopping that you will never be the same again. And if not you can bite me. But I will update before the end of the week. The ideas are spinning in my head.And frankly it is making me a little dizzy.

46 hours and counting

I am taking a vacation I can't wait.

Good Bye Mel

It was a week ago today I heard. Saturday it will be a year that you have been gone. How is it that you lose someone you used to be so incredibility close to , someone who knew you better than anyone in your life and 50 weeks go by before you learn they died.
I will always hold a special place in my heart for you my dear friend. You REALLY LIVED!!

Hey you

No not you. You over there lurking in the corner watching me like you think I don't know your there. Yes , you. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

No Table for One

For those of you who stop by on a regular basis I wanted to let you that there will not be a grand Table for One Post this Valentines Day. I didn't want you to show up expecting this how wonderful it is to be single post. I am not doing it. I am right now a little disheartened and I am saving my dough for a fabulous trip to St. Petersburg, FL to get me some baby love. I mean I am an Auntie now.

I am not saying I might not hit Apple bee's or some equally average place that I go all the time. Or I might well hit my #1 Grimy Taco Stand and munch on some grimy Tacos. I am even thinking I will get a bottle of wine and make me a nice home cooked dinner.

So no fancy Dancey $80 dinner for me. And no how I love being single post for you.

Ouch X'S 10

I swear I don't remember if I cussed or not. I am quite sure I did, Because I have a notarise potty mouth. I had a Super Bowl Party on Sunday. I was planning a chili cook off. I invited several of the guest to bring their own chili and we would try it and pick our favorite. I made two kinds and doubled each. I got the bright idea to use my little food processor to chop the onions because who in their right minds wants to chop 5 cups of onions by hand. I was in the process of cleaning up the kitchen and washing the blade to the food processor when I sliced open the tip of my right index finger and I began to scream. I then put my finger under cold water and realized fairly quickly that I was going to bleed to death from my finger and fall dead on the kitchen floor and I had company coming. Dead bodies in the kitchen tend to put a real damper on a party.
One of my roommates had come into the kitchen and was standing next to me just watching me bleed to death. I looked at him and asked him "would you get me a paper towel?" He got it and stood there. "Would you fold it?" He did and handed it to me. I applied firm pressure and held it for a moment and took a peak then headed to my room to get my shoes . My roommates are running around the house looking for gauze and can't find any I am in my bathroom floor with my hand over my head.
Those sweet boys bring me a wash cloth , a sham wow , peroxide and rubbing alcohol. I am going to the ER. The paper towel roommate wanted us to go get gauze. Big roomie took me to the ER as soon as we got in the car he was like what ER ?
FYI when you go in with your hand over head they get you right back. There is no waiting in the lobby . They got me right back and the folks in this ER thought I was funny and laughed at my jokes. I told them in most of the ERs I have been in those people had big sticks up their asses.
Then they gave me 2 shots and in case you do not know. I HATE NEEDLES!!!! Yes , I know you hate them too. But I am like a child I have to look away. I kick my legs. The tetanus was not so bad it was the one on the tip of the right index finger you remember the one I had just sliced open and almost bleed to death right there in front of the chili. That one hurt like a S.O.B. but they had also given me 2 lor tab so I wasn't feeling a thing. LALALA They gave me 4 stitches in the tip of my finger.
They got me in and out of the ER in less than an hour and a half. I was home before my Super Bowl Party and my Chili was a hit both kinds. I was high and the Saints Won. Today I have not taken any pain killers not even OTC.
So I am fine
How are you?

Then Poppy came

She is here. My darling and dear friend Steph and her husband Tom welcomed a beautiful , lovely soft , pink baby girl on Wednesday January 27, 2010 at 4:34pm weighing 6l bs 2 ozs and was 18.75 inches long. And she is GORGEOUS.
I am thrilled beyond words at the great joy they have been given. Anastasia is a blessing from God and is going to be a joy. I am more thrilled than I am jealous.

But I am just a tiny tiny tiny bit jealous. The joy is overwhelming and is winning out. I am not going to let anything spoil the joy I have for them.

Ouch

So my new not so new lap top puts out quite a bit of heat. So much heat that it burns my legs. So I put a book in my lap. It warped the book. I know they make those little cooling things that go under them to fan them and all that computer stuff that I am not going to claim to understand.
This is for the 7 of you out there will openly admit to reading me.

What do you use on your lap top? Or well under it when it is in your lap? There was this story about lap tops killing sperm which well is not a problem for me. But the marks on my legs are.

Any tips?

If only in my dreams

Wow last nights dreams caught me off guard. I was rather surprised by them. I dreamed of my old high school crush. I had only two one freshman and sophomore year the second Junior and Senior. It was the one from my Jr. and Sr. year that made his way in to my dreams last night. I wont say that I have not thought of him years because I think of him regularly and wonder how he is.
But last night he was in my dream and came up to me when I was out and said hello and I spoke back to him asking him how he was. He told me he was sorry for the past and I told him I let it go a long time ago. Twenty years was just to long to stay mad at someone.

So anyway I was surprised by the dream

COOKING

So this morning I watched Julie and Julia and now I am inspired to cook. Not that it takes much to inspire me to cook I love cooking. In fact I was looking at some continuing education classes and there is a sushi class coming up I was thinking of singing up for that or a little writing class but this particular blog is about cooking not writing.

Does anyone have a copy of Mastering the Art of French Cooking? Have any of you ever cooked anything out of it? I have no intentions of cooking my way through it but I do plan to cook. I love cooking new things and have in the past told people I want some of their favorite recipes as gifts.

What do you like to cook?

Moved beyond words

Tonight I watched Taking Chance . I just can't seem to get the words to come out right to tell you all how moved I was by this film and to encourage you to take a look at it.

My View

There you go folks this is the view from my front door and the view of my house from the street where I went to find my morning paper which was not there. I would much rather hold the newspaper in my hand than read it online. Just the way I like things.

I am still snuggled up on the sofa watching Atomic Twister and the snow fall out my window.If you look at the window behind the tree that is the one I am looking out. In case you were wondering.

What is your view like this morning?

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

These are the little girls from a few doors down playing in the only snow in the neighborhood that is in my driveway. That is the street behind them. So you know that is the snow that closed schools. It was so cute watching the little one in the pink stand there grinning not sure what to do with the snow.

Wholly shit Batman. It is freaking cold. The high today is 20 and it is not supposed to get there until this afternoon. The snow of yesterday has now turned to ice on the roads and schools are closed. I am at home the office was closed today because well it is freaking cold. I need to get off my lazy butt and clean the house and then run to Office Max and print off and send a letter to a friend that is in jail. But I am all sucked into the new season of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.

Yeah I have a friend in jail and that right now is all I am really gonna say about it. I am writing him letters and so far I am the only person writitng him.

It is still snowing. :)

360

We are five days into the new year and for five days in it is going pretty awesome . How has this year been so far for you? I still have to do some work at getting myself together at work but I am getting there



If you have not seen the news and don't live in the Nashville area you might be missing the fact We have had brutally cold temps and they are calling for 2-4 inches of snow on Thursday. Which should close schools, offices, and roads. If you are reading this from another part of the country and have never been in the south for a snow understand that this is most likely the only big snow we will get this year. Well it should be but this season has been weird. So it is going to snow and the Kroger will be sold out of bread , milk , and beer. Dang and I need bread.

She's BACK!!!

Yep I am still stealing ideas from my friend Nikki. But she owes me. The is me on the right and Michelle Taylor on the left. She crashed the Christmas. Ok not really but she'll never see this to know I told you all that. The reason I am telling you who is who is because if you don't know me personal and all you might miss out on which one of these stunning beauties is me and direct your worship on the wrong direction.

So you all are awear THE HAPPY ME IS BACK!!!!!
At least till Monday when I have to go back to work.

2010 Let the Fun Begin

I am presenting my list of Ten (10) Things I want to do in 2010. FUN THINGS. Not that ever growing list of crap that must be done. Like keeping the house clean and paying my bills on time.

If you would like to join me on one of the adventures or come up with your own list I would love to see it.

1) Blow 40 out of the Water:
That's right folks I am saving and planning for a 40th birthday blow out bash. I have 9 months to plan but it is gonna rock out and it will be big.

2) Sky Dive:
I don't know if you have heard but I will be 40 this Year and this is part of my blow 40 out of the water plan.

3) Meet Poppy:
I am going to make to Fla. After Poppy comes and spend time her and her Parents.

4) Past Life Regression:
I want to do a past life regression. It has always been something that I wanted to do.

5) Visit all the National Parks :
I got the idea from a friend of my sisters and it is really more of bucket list thing so there is no way I will finish it before the year ends but I want to get going on it and put a dent in it.

6) See some Baseball:
I have not been to a ball game in ages I want to hit some here in Nashville and make my way down to Atalanta and see a Braves Game. I have not been to one since the early 1990's.

7) Museums, Classes ,Lectures, and Book Signings:
I really dig those kinds of things and I want to try to hit several this year.

8)Cross Stitch:
Yep I enjoy that too. I have a project I have been working on forever and a day and I want to get back into that.

9) Write:
I have a little short story in my head and I also want to sit down and get the family history down and on paper while my Dad and Uncle are still around.

10)OPEN FOR DISCUSSION:
Lets just see what pops up this year that I want to do. This space is reserved for all those things that you had no idea you wanted to do until you are presented with them.