The Drama

The Dramatic fit of yesterday where I thew myself on the floor and whaled about the ups and the downs and the oh whoa is me thing. Yes that thing. Well I am done now.
I drank the kool aid. Though it was the one with PGA but sometimes its is about the same thing. I drank that crap straight once and it took me about 6 years to think about drinking Jim Beam again.

Seriously sleep and clean gutters helped a ton. Crisp fall air. Ah hello new day.

I am still here?

Maybe I am not really here and I have left my body and traveled somewhere else. Maybe if I say it I will feel better but then I wont feel better because it could hurt someone and that is not worth it.

I am eatten alive with feelings of envy and joy, self-sufficient and self-destruction, self-loathing and self-love, letting go or taking control, and then there's that other thing to keep on faking it or let the world know and everyone I know just how utterly bat shit crazy I feel.

Dancing

When my roommate woke me up coming in the house this morning as I was passed out on the sofa. I was dreaming I was dancing with this extremely handsome Marine in this country bar with saw dust in on the floor. He was dressed in his fatigues Like I would be in a country bar. A mostly empty one. But we danced and we kissed and we talked . It was almost as if we were the only ones there which maybe why the bar was mostly empty. LOL. When I woke up I was depressed it was just a dream and that the romance and the dance had ended. I headed to bed and then when I woke up for the day I was depressed that I was depressed for feeling lonely at having blah blah blah.

But hey I did get to dance.

So what

So what would you all like to hear about? I am out of ideas.

39

I did it I turned 39 on Friday. It is not like I had a choice in the matter. I was rather looking forward to it and all the things to come in the next few days.
Lunch with my boss and a friend then I had dinner with my folks and sister Friday night. Next it was off for drinks with Friends at this fabulous place in Nashville South Street with this great "tree house" area. I brought in 39 with a bang and it subsequently kicked my ass. I drank way to much and well I lived.
Did I tell you that my sometimes not so awesome roommate became a totally awesome roommate when he gave me a new Garbage Despoil how freakin cool is he. He might piss me off now and again but that is a totally awesome and unexpected gift.
Saturday was the day I spent laying on the sofa wondering why I felt so old and hoping to get better to make it to David's where I had been summoned for a chili party before we went to the Vandy Game. When I arrived after being called to hurry up going WTF. My buddy Ricky and his husband had come in to surprise me for my birthday and head to the game with me. I have some freakin awesome friends.

But that folks is not the end of YAY The Goddess is 39. My very good and Dear Friend Stephanie is going with me to a Cabin at Rock Island State Park here in Tennessee. I can't wait to leave. Thursday for 4 days away from it all.

Finding a rhythm

I was at the gym again this morning around 5:30. The night before I got together my gym cloths, shower and make-up stuff, packed up breakfast and lunch, and got together and ironed my cloths for work. I did not think about a snack and I have been about to gnaw my fingers off for the last hour. I am trying to stop with chips. I LOVE CHIPS!!

This morning I got myself up and out the door then I realized I didn't have my top. It was hanging on the door in my bedroom. Oops can't make do without that so I had to turn around and go back home. I am going to need to spend the next few weeks getting down a what works and what doesn't thing. Deciding what I will wear the night before. Going to bed earlier than I have been and getting everything in order the night before. Which means if I have something that either does not fit or is stained and I forgot I am going to be royally screwed because I am at the gym.

It does not help matters that there is a McDonald's across the street and the grease is calling my name to reapply it self to my thighs.

I will tell you that I enjoyed every burger, milkshake , potato chip that got me to this point.

I am also trying to get down a good rhythm for doing weights and cardio of course it can't really be a rhythm I have to keep my body guessing but give it time to rest also.

So the plan is this:

Get Organized and get stuff together to grab and run out the door
Maintain slight amount of A.D.D. in workout

The $25 Massage

I have been promising you guys the little story about the $25 massage I have been getting the ones that I have enjoyed so much that I have been going every other week. I will tell you now seek one out in your community. I am going to one of the local technical schools. And if you are all wha I need a massage but don't have the $65 plus it cost in my area. Then get the to one of these schools. Find one in your area. Sure they are students but they are about to graduate.

When I went the first time I had to fill out this little info sheet and after each massage they ask you to critique your masseur. But get yee to the technical school for a good but cheap massage.

The Before

Here it is The Before of me taken on Monday July 27th this is what I look like as I began my get in shape journey. I was frankly taken aback by it. I knew I had gained a great deal of weight and was pudgy. But Wholly Shit. I stood up straight and did not poke out my stomach but I did not suck it in either. I am not brave enough to post it on face book till I have an after but here I am.

This is not who I want to be. I was up and at the gym at 5:30 this morning. I have to start somewhere and I hope that this picture will be the motivation I need.

I'm a nut

So when I was little my GrandMamie taught me this song we said "stare at me" instead of "step on me". I sang this today to my high school friends Kim's little girl this of course was after I was called a nut by America's Next Top Mommy. So this is for you. This little girl is so cute. I could just eat her up.

Join a Gym

So if you have been thinking hey I want to join a gym but they are so expensive with fees and long term contracts. I was just offered a month to month for 14.95 at Urban Active and since I am gaining weight at an alarming rate I figured I would go for it. Then if I don't go I can back out. SO that's it right now I might join a gym cool huh. Yay I know not really but hey.

TIRED

In the last few weeks I have been tired. And I am talking I can't get out of bed in the morning when the alarm clock goes off. Then I need a nap in the middle of the day and by 10pm I am fighting to stay awake. My energy has been non existent. So for all I know I could be dying. I could also be old or just plain not eating enough veggies. I am working on this.

I am waiting now to hear back from from an insurance company about health insurance. The cost right now is about $60 a week. It will mean not so much fun since I paid off my car. Not as much free will nilly spending. It does mean meds for my migraines and annual physicals. I don't know if I will know what to with health insurance. I can tell you it is over all much easier when it comes out of your check before your employer hands it to you. It seems like much more when you get the check and then they take it.

I know I promissed you all this whole story on my $25 massage at the school well I am having another one today. Does that tell you anything? I swear I will tell you guys all about it. I know its what you are waiting to hear.

ISO

I am in search of a buddy, a pal , a friend to go with me on this cruise planned for Oct. 31 - Nov 5th. It was supposed to be a Paranormal cruise and that all fell through. Everyone else has pulled out and I still want to go. Who will go with me? I am trying to find someone to share my cabin space with. Any ideas?
I have really been looking forward to going and this was set up in my mind as my big get-a-way. The long planned retreat to relaxation land. Sitting by the pool drinking Cosmos , soaking up sun and waiting for the Deck Boy to make me feel like he never flirts with any other women the way he is flirting with me. To be away from my cell phone and to leave my Internet behind. Schedule a massage and then pad back to a deck chair where I can fall asleep amid the sounds of the Gulf. Stroll around Cozumel and buy trinkets I just don't need. Check out the midnight seafood buffet then enjoy a glass of wine while the moon lays across the water and nice talk about everything and nothing. And plain old girl time

I'm here

honestly I am. I have a massage scheduled this afternoon at one of the schools. It is supposed to cost only $25 and from all I hear it is pretty good. Basically you go and a student gives you the massage. They learn and your stress is gone. Of course I have to drive home after that which seems to defeat the purpose but I need this.

I also need to go to Sam's and shop for Pizza on the Grill Night , pick an outfit for the opening reception of a Creative Drawing & Painting Visual Varitete I have been invited to and find my camera. I have seen it since the break in in fact I had it with me for a while just need to look for it.

Hello

How was your day I hope it was well. Mine was long and I was not able to get anything done I indented to do. That would have required that I be in the office which I have not been for the last two days. I have a long list of things to do. I also have a big meeting anyone with tips on how to bitch slap TennCare into giving me what is needed for the person I am advocating for please let me know. I am also hiring lpns send them my way if you know of any.
I have a ton of laundry to do and that really entails me changing my sheets. That is my plan for good sleep tonight. Clean sheets. And a clean room somehow that always seems to make a huge difference in things being fresh. So once this is done I have a project to do. I know you will be waiting with bated breath to find out if I got my room clean.
I am also working on plans for Pizza on the Grill night for Saturday night with some friends you should come by. What pizza toppings do you like?
That is it for my day. I know I know how can one have such an exciting life and still have time to blog it is unreal to me to.

Still Awake

UGH I am still unable to sleep. I have now moved into hot lavender tea mode. I have not taken anything and I would really rather not seeing as how I have to be up at 4:30 and doing crap for work at 6am so it is not like I can take something now and be at work on time. And frankly it is not like I have a lot to tell you all.

I told you I blocked his number that is done. Did I tell you he was 22(heehee)
This is not what is keeping me up. I wish I knew what it is , it might be that the stress from last week has just moved into something else.

I need to get with my friends and see if they are still going to go on this cruise since it is no longer a paranormal cruise. I have got to get the hell out of dodge. I have not had anything more than a long weekend trip in years. My last actual trip was to Hawaii in 2005. Maybe the trip to Mardi Gras longer but I can't remember. It seemed short. And like It was forever ago. If none of the local girls still want to I think I have someone lined up to spend 5 nights at sea with me. It is a fellow blogger. If she decides not to go I might just have to plan a trip some where else but not sure of where I could go for the cost of the cruise. Any ideas? It must be more than a long weekend , at least 5 nights, and more than a 5 OR 6 hour drive. If it requires a plane trip that's cool too. But then I am still in this wait and see mood. My goal is to try and get some answers this week.

Ouice Cream

I didnt get any ouice cream yesterday. Home made ice cream was always one of the best parts of the 4th of July. I am going to head to the DQ down the road it wont be the same but it will have to do. I could bake cookies and then put my ice cream in between the hot cookies. Yummy and then of course I could buy bigger pants.

I worked third last night which is not my norm. I am usually sound asleep as most grave yard shifts start so when I went in to work after ten last night I was already for bed. I slept after getting off this morning for about 3 hours plus the one hour nap I got yesterday that is 4 hours of sleep in about 33 hours. I am a fucking bowl of sunshine Right now. I am also trying to stay awake for another 3 hours or so. If I go to sleep now I will wake up at Midnight and that sure wont do me any good. SO if you are lucky and I stay awake much longer there is no telling what I might say so now is your chance in the throws of sleep deprivation to ask me anything. What have you always wanted to know? Now is your chance to catch me with my guard down.

Down a knotch

My stress level has gone down just a tad. I stayed home today and slept. After having not slept for a few days I stayed home and napped on the sofa. I had to run to the office for a hot minute but then I was back home. And I slept napped most of the afternoon. Sleep does wonders to get rid of stress. At least my stress. So I am not as wiggy stressy as I was.

The guy I told to step up to the plate or get out of my life has made his choice. I am some what relived. We have been playing this game for years and I played along. I did enjoy the game. But I grew tried of it and he didn't want to admit it was a game. I told him if it wasn't a game then prove it. I knew how he would play it and I am glad it is over.

I have got a lot of figuring to do. The main ones have to with why I am so bat shit stressed why I feel so on edge and why I can't figure out what I need to turn it all around. It all came on rather suddenly. Not that I have been unstressed but something all at once went STRESS.

Quite possibly it was not all at once but the million tiny things that have been going on life, work, roommate, yard sale, bills, break-in, to gun or not to gun, and on and on it goes.

Someone give me some good news and if it is I just spent a few days in Paris. I am going to tell you to suck it.

loosing it

I feel as if I am loosing it. Going crazy spinning out of control. I told someone last night to either step up to the late or get the hell out of my life. And its not just that I am full of stress and I need a break. I don't want to eat huge amounts of ice cream or drink my self stupid because I just cant put my finger on what it is I need. But something is building inside of me and I feel it in my chest.

If I knew what I needed I would do it. You know a hot bath , candles , etc. I have got to get it together.

I See you

I have a lot of back and forth emotions about you. But I guess you know that. I have been wondering for a while if you were alive or dead. I found you on FB so now I know you are alive. I am glad you're OK. I hope you are well and happy where your life is today. You should smile more I always loved your smile .I hope a lot of things for you. I wanted you to know that I do see you.

About to freak

I have been extremely reluctant to tell the rest of the story about what has been going on in regards to my break-in. There has been a break in the case. What I am hoping as there has been a break in the case that I have made the right choice.

Half Way

So we are half-way through 2009 can you believe it? So I thought I would regale you with where I am on all the things I said I would do by the end of the year. Really it is more for my own benefit but I am dragging you along for the ride. This is your last chance to exit the ride before we continue

Six months ago I was in a blue funk and moving through a long depression and a friend had blogged on “100 things that bring me joy” 55. Fran’s fantastic attitude toward life. I have really made huge steps toward finding her again. I am doing much better than I was. YAY me.

The old car is paid off. I own it. I am not out of debt still have a lot to do but well I am getting there.

I am working one job in case you missed that post. I still have issues about work but can’t and wont go into that here. I have to make some choices still and the economy is not looking good but then this is the half way post.

The garage has been cleaned out and after this weekends yard sale I will be able to get my car in there. So I am knocking out my home to-do list one item at a time. Come on over and buy my junk. Ok it is not just my junk it is from the members of my paranormal group we are having a yard sale to fix up our web page / buy an inferred camera.

I have not gotten better at eating healthy, writing in my personal journal, recording my dreams and I don’t still don’t know how to insert links. I know I did promise that I would be able to do it by the end of the year but I still have 6 more months.

There is more but I am tired. I am doing really well for half way through the year. How are you doing on your goals?

What to keep

I spent a good part of the day cleaning out the garage. I throw out a lot of stuff. I tossed those ever lame teen angst poems I had written. My work book from modeling school and countless other odds and ends. I set aside a number of things for the yard sale. Made a stack of things to bring back into the house and make the ever keep, trash , sell decision on.
The thing I am not sure what to do with are the old cards, letters, and notes from an old boyfriend. I have them all nicely tucked in a box. Do I keep them or let them go? Do I keep the kerosene heater that I have not used in 9 years? What about that medicine cabinet I got out of my grandmother's house that I always intended to use but can't find the right spot for?

What can I let go of? And the things that I can't what is my attachment to them?

F.E.A.R.

Since the break in I have been full of FEAR.I am not scared to be alone in the house. I am afraid to leave the house. I am afraid that if I am not home the rest of what I have will be taken. I want to be here to protect what is mine. I have no choice but to work so I must leave my home vulnerable. It is almost as if someone has invaded the dark places in my mind where I don't let anyone go.

I believe in facing my fears head on thus the Sky diving before I am 40. And the leaving the house even though I am afraid too. I have other fears but hey these are all front and center today.

Clearing the air

Ok this is for my little sister and all of you that think my sister is an ass. When I told her my house was broken into she did say "Shut- up!" But not in the smart ass way. In that shut-up no shit way. Does that clear things up?

The one where I give evidence

Hi thanks for stopping by. Don't think I have thanked you all lately for coming by my little spot on the World Wide Web. Drinks and snacks will be served in the lounge after the presentation. Sorry there will be no Rum if you remember it was stolen. I don't know if you all have caught on but I can be a wee bit bitter. GRRRR

I am still having to make major adjustments to having a roommate. Why I am having such a hard time I couldn't tell you. Well I could but .... I look bad in it. I know the shock and absolute horror. You look bad NO FREAKING WAY! But still. I am having major personal space issues. He talks to me first thing in the morning and not just "morning" he wants to pick up where we left off last night with more thinking than I am willing to do at 5 freakin 30 in the morning. Have I told you he talks to me during My TV shows not just during commercials , I know we should take him out in shoot him. So I am having to re-adapt. Or well I don't need evidence that can be used against me later.

So I am a month and a half into one job. I am not out every weekend. I do go out but well how do you find a date? I mean seriously. I am over these dating sites tips people. I have been out of the dating scene for a while. I am going out and doing things I enjoy. but hey where are single men in the 37-42 range? Anyone? Anyone?

They left the cheap vodka

Yesterday started out like well any other Thursday but when I arrived home and found the empty coffee can I keep my loose change in sitting on my bed I was like HUH? That's not right. The window in the kitchen door was on the kitchen floor I had been robbed. I called the police they said don't touch anything someone will be out. I called my roommate to say oh hey we have been robbed you may want to get home and see what's missing of yours. Called my sister who just said "Shut-up" TXT my buddy Anthony who said "I'll be by after work." And I sat and waited and waited talked to my neighbors to say hey be on the look out. It all and all is not so bad. They got maybe $150 in cash and it looks like a few cheap little earrings are missing. I will not be sure which ones until I put on the dress I wear the earrings with and then I'll be CRAP. My roomie lost some blank checks and they took my GD Mother Freakin RUM and my Mango Rum.Left the cheap Vodka and took my Rum.

The cops did come and they dusted for prints. Didn't get crap because well I am a lousy house keeper and well just so you know high gloss paint is your enemy when it comes to getting prints.

I am not so much afraid to be alone in the house as I am afraid to leave the house. I want to be here to keep my stuff safe. IT IS MY STUFF.

I am going to go ahead and bite the bullet and get a dog. I have been wanting a German Shepard for some time so once I get my car tuned up the next thing I buy will be a good dog.One that I can train to eat the next Mother Fucker that breaks into my house. That takes a lot of work and I have not done much research into Protection Training. I have to step it up a notch. I want to be totally and completely sure if I have a dog that has been protection trained I can handle him and the responsibility that comes with such a task. If not well I want a good obedience school. Well trained dog well trained owner Everyone is happy.

I should be

If my email in box is any indication I should be rich and have a hot man by now. The number of those send me $150.00 as a transaction/ shipping and handling fee and I can get you the money that has been bequest to you by my extremely rich client. I get two or three a day. Since I have not responded I get them writing me back. We have not heard from you and if you do not respond with the utmost urgency your bequest will have to go to the next person on the list. YA OK I'll get on that and get you my bank account info toot sweet.

Then of course there is the ever overflow of dating sites and groups. Meet Rich men , meet married men, meet women. So does the whole world think I am desperate? You would think with all that there would be men falling at my beautiful feet.

Did I forget to tell you about all the adds for jobs I mean I can be retrained and be a Lawyer, a Medical Transcriptions. My possibilities are endless. For a fee

So what I want to know is can I borrow $150 to get started then I can be all I should be.

character

I am so glad to see people still have some.

What's New

I really can't say that I have anything new to report. I just didn't want you all to think I had fallen off the edge of the earth. So here its

My friend Carl moved in with me today. His six year relationship with his partner Abe has officially come to an end. I was in their Wedding. And yes I call it a wedding. He brought his Momma with him. Though she is in a box in the curio cabinet and I must say it is a nice box and I don't know that I would have been able to look at it and say "oh nice urn". The only real dead give away is her name and life dates on the top. So stop on in and say hello.

I also got a hair cut with bangs. I know hard to believe huh. I promised my facebook peeps a picture of it and as soon as I bully Carl into taking one I will post it here for you to see. My hair was in horrible shape because I had not had it cut in almost a year so I had to have a lot of damage cut out.

I got my passport Tuesday and I am now ready to see the world. That leaves my list of things to do before I am 40 a little smaller. I still need to knock off Sky diving and going back to college. I am working hard on paying off my debt. Who would like to come and jump out of a plane with me?

There might be a guy and then there might not be a guy. It's not that big a deal and I am not even sure it is not a game. Though I am enjoying it what ever it is. I don't want to get my hopes up to be let down and well like I said.

Did I tell you all I have been trying to find the rest of my Senior Class so I could put together a little 20 year reunion. Just in case they try and google their names or you know them I am looking for: Tim Collins; Chris Dixon; Brain Edwards; Justin Ely; Robbie Foster; Brian Greer; Scott Johnston; Shannon Watson; and Nev Wilkins the surviving 1989 Senior Class of Benton Hall High School. There are a few other folk out there I woiuld not mind touching base with but I'll get to them later.

That's all that's new I think. What's new with you?

Jon & Kate My Take

I have to admit to being an avid follower of Jon and Kate Plus 8. Those children are adorable. I have been thinking and wondering if I wanted to say something.

I know that the show is edited to show things in the light TLC wants to play things in. This is the way it has played for me.

Kate is a bitch. That is how she is edited. As a controlling, my way or the highway bitch. She demoralize her husband calling into question his manhood and his ability to parent over shoes. Shoes people. She goes on tantrums long rants over her husband not using a coupon at Home Depot. She yells , she screams, and she hits. If she were a man people would YELL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. She blows it off as being cute and a love pat. Well honey let some man love pat one of your girls that way. It is not cute it is not funny it is VIOLENCE. Stop means stop. If you can stop hitting your husband when he ask what lesson does that teach your children?
She loves her children there is no doubt about it. There is no doubt that you have to be well organized to keep a household with that many kids running. But you don't not have to make an attack on someones dignity to make a point.

Jon is a down beaten man who is plain and simple acting out. Everything he does is controlled by his wife. At the end of last season he clearly did not want to keep going he clearly wanted "Their Life" Back. And Kate clearly doesn't give a flying rats ass what Jon wants.

As much as I love the show. As cute as I think the kids are. They both need to stop and listen to each other. Respect how though someone may do something different it does not make it wrong. I hope nothing but the best for the family. I hope that Jon and Kate can learn to value and respect each other as people

Chick-fil-A

If you are not from the South then you are missing out. Chick-Fil-A is AWSOME!!!

CRAVING FRIDAY

I am so ready for Friday. There is something out there I can do Friday Night a Haunted Pub Crawl. But, I think I might be at the I don't want to around people point. The point where someone breathing makes you insane.
So I can go to the pub crawl and be around people. Which could go either way. OR I could pick up a 6pack or mix a drink and make plans to stop at the Taco Stand that is a little dirty but OUT OF THIS WORLD.

I have been debating back and forth about weather or not to talk about my Dad. How sick he has been the last 10 months. How weak he has been. The diagnoses keep changing so it is hard to know what to tell and what not tell. It might not be that the diagnoses keep changing it could be the Doctors are saying it looks like Elmoits. We need to run more test. Then my Mother will email me- your Dad has Elmoits he is going to turn in to a red Muppett. I am left going what? A muppett. Couldn't it be related to Kermitness or The Pigg foot which they have aready said he has they are all Muppett things. Mother says NO and sobs. And now well my Dad does not have Elmoits becasue the blood test came back. My mother is freaking out and trying to act like she is not freaking out but she is on the edge. And my Dad feels like shit.

The one where I over share

PSYCH I was only joking I am not going to over share, Today anyway. Next week is another story. There is a 6 day period in the next two weeks where I am the only one in the office and I am the one running the show. Not that I don't normally run the show there are just other people around to put out fires. I am hoping I don't get caught up in some huge Katerina type disaster and end up the one take the blame for the weather. But time will tell.

On top of all that next week is TWENTY YEARS since I graduated from high school. The plus there is that I have less grey hair than my ever charming baby sister. I was hoping to still be able to get into a dress I wore then but that aint going to happen. Given effort I might be able to push for say mid June. But 5 a.m. is just to early to get up and run.

Yesterday I turned in my application for a Passport. I am planning a trip to Mexico with my Paranormal group in October and as of July 1st you have to have a US Passport or Passport Card to get back into the US from Mexico , Canada or the Caribbean.

I did a post on what is Paranormal because someone ask and I was trying to be funny. I don't know that it came off that way. I was not trying to offend you. Honest.

One of my Girlfriends (is that right) are trying to plan a long weekend get-a-way in the mountains In September. Rent a cabin and then well we are working on the rest not sure if we are going to do a theme like writing or just go with the flow and what not. we are in the midst of the planning right now and how we are going to make this work. Will it be just girls or a who the ever wants to come.

On top of all that I have holes in the eves of my house and my air is out. But I got a raise. How is that for clean living.

Joe the Plumber Jesus Loves You But Everybody Else Thingks your an Ass Hole

http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2009/05/04/joe-the-plumber-i-would-never-let-queers-near-my-children/

Yep I am going after Joe the Plumber again. I really don't have to go after him. He is a vile hate filled dumb ass. Yes, I am judging him and so you know I know YEP THAT'S SIN.

Joe I am glad you are teaching HATE to your kids. After all that is what Jesus is all about is Hate.

PEOPLE like you make me ill. People like you are why I never step foot in Church. I want no part of your kind of God or your kind of Church and all the vile you have spewed in his name. You have done more damage to God than you know. You can kiss my Human loving Ass.

I am a BIG DORK

This makes me happy....

Double Take

So I am watching a this dorky movie with Kevin Smith and every time I see Kevin Smith I think of this guy I dated that looks like Kevin Smith. I mean double take looks like Kevin Smith. And it got me thinking of all the other guys I dated who look like famous people. And not that well if I had to pick a famous person I would pick ...


I also dated a guy that looked like Weired Al. No Seriously it was freaky minus the curly hair. So was the sex , freaky not curly, but that is another blog.

There was the guy that thought he looked like Tom Cruise but he was only dreaming he looked like Rob Scheider and he would get really pissed when I would tell him that. That might be because I told him he looked like Rob Scheider in Hot Chick which was funny on more levels than most of you know.

My sister looks like Blossom
And I look like Fern : )

Gardening with a Guerrilla

I was watching ABC NEWS and good ole Charlie Gibson was doing his good feel story at the end of the news and he told of this thing going around called Guerrilla Gardening. Groups of people gather at blighted city spots clean it up and plant flowers and shrubs. They do it at night because they are cleaning and planting on city property and it is "illegal" but it is not the typical crime they go after, I know you all are a bunch a rebels and are just looking for trouble. So go plant people


http://www.guerrillagardening.org/

Book Club

My Book Club is small and eclectic. We are also nuts. My friend Shamus and I started it about 2 years ago and have been through several phases. We went from Book Club to Game Group to Dinner Club to Nothing.

Now we are back again at book club. I have put an add up on Craigs List and I am thinking about Facebook/Myspace. But not sure. We are reading Junot Diaz's Pulitzer Prize winning 'The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao'. You may ask how did you find this book? NPR I do on occasion listen to NPR and though the interview I heard was some time ago I was fascinated. So I picked it. Don't ask me what about the interview fascinated me I have slept many moons since then.

If you are a local yocal come and join us 2nd and 4th Tuesday of the month. If you are not local but come into town when we meet then come by. Or if you have read a good book please tell me so I can ask my group to read it.

What good book have you read?

Is there something you would like to read?

I think this says it all

Last night I worked my last shift deliveing pizza , my second job which I started to pay for a trip to Hawaii 4years ago. One thing thing lead to another and I couldn't quit so this is all I have to say...

I think you are a pig

I really do. I thought that we had settled this whole we are nothing more than friends thing. Me + you = friends, not friends with benefits JUST FRIENDS.
But, you seem to take some huge great offense that have slept with other guys and not you. I was trying to be polite when I said "I just don't see you that way. I just see you as a friend." If you don't know that means I will NEVER sleep with you. I can't see myself kissing you much less having sex with you. And after you flat out ignoring my whole "We're friends" Thing and you kept asking for me to give it a try let me try and get you hot. I don't think I even see you as a friend any more. You are fucking 4 freaking 5 years old. Grow the fuck up. I have delt with 20 year olds who understand this were just friends thing better than you do.

What is Parnormal?

I have been asked that question quite a bit lately. The first few times it threw me off. Not like when someone ask you with all seriousness who is George Clooney? More like when the ask you who is C. Thomas Howell?

So what is paranormal?

According to Wikipedia Paranormal is a general term that describes unusual experiences that lack a scientific explanation,[1] or phenomena alleged to be outside of science's current ability to explain or measure.[2] In parapsychology, it is used to describe the potentially psychic phenomena of telepathy, extra-sensory perception, psychokinesis, ghosts, and hauntings. The term is also applied to UFOs, some creatures that fall under the scope of cryptozoology, purported phenomena surrounding the Bermuda Triangle, and other non-psychic subjects.[3] Stories relating to paranormal phenomena are found in popular culture and folklore, but the scientific community, as referenced in statements made by organization such as the United States National Science Foundation, contends that scientific evidence does not support paranormal beliefs.[4]


The group I am part of basically Ghost Hunts. We don't like to be called Ghost Busters it is a big No no. We will not come in and take your ghost home with us and put him in our storage locker. if you call or e-mail us we will come and bring in all out toys and tell you if we think you might have a ghost or if you have old pipes. The Group I am part of will come into your home with an open mind. But we are also looking at what else could cause that.

Like:

Does the wind cause the door to swing shut?Or do you step on the floor boards and it causes the door to shut?
Is that sound the pipes?
Is someone off their medication? Or taking more than they should?
In that picture is someone smoking? Is it their hair? Did you know that like 90% of the time that orb is a bug or dust.

And there are the things that we stop and say WTF was that? There are just some things we see and hear that make us wonder.

So yes I Ghost Hunt that is what for me being into paranormal investigation is all about. That is the boiled down version. I have a digital voice recorder and a point and shoot camera. Next on my to buy list is an EMF detector But if any of you out would like to gift to me an inferred camera I will gladly forward you my mailing address. I will also answer your questions.

Trepidation

Today when my Boos took me and my co-worker to lunch at Wendy's. He told me, I need to be finished with Domino's by May 1st. I did not have this euphoric "THANK YOU JESUS!!!!" feeling I expected. I am terrified.

I called the worlds best baby sister and told her how I was feeling. She told me " He's your Boss and maybe he needs your focus totally on this PA (Personal Assistant) thing."

I am getting my raise apparently May 1st I don't know how much and I am scared. Scare to do this on one job. I know I have been wanting one job for 2 years now. But the thought of doing it on one scares the shit out of me. The economy is in the toilet in case you missed the news lately. So its not like I can just go back out and find a second job that bends to my crazy life style or hell a second job at all.

So this great elation, the joy , the thrill I wanted to have. The feelings I was sure I would have. I don't. I re dated my resignation letter today and it brought me no joy. I have had plans for my resignation blog for over a year this was not how I was going to tell you all I had one job this was not in my plan this must be where God Laughs do you hear him?

Top Mom the answer to your question is coming.

Do you have a Pass Port

"Did you know that on June 1, 2009, U.S. citizens must present a passport book, passport card, or other travel documents approved by the U.S. government to leave or enter the United States from Canada, Mexico, the Caribbean and Bermuda at all points of entry? If unaware of this policy change you are probably like many American citizens that may get caught off guard while preparing to board an airplane or ship for vacation this year."

From personal experience it can take up to six weeks to get a passport - -and that is if you already have a certified birth certificate. Those (with the raised seal - not a photocopy) can take a month or more to obtain. If you are planning on leaving the country at all, go ahead and get the ball rolling on getting your passport.

Busy

So life has been busy. I am still working at Domino's. But then I have had my resignation letter written for over 2 years. Am hoping way to much here? I wonder if this is not like when I was a kid and I told Santa I wanted half the toy section of the Sears catalog. I didn't get it. Damn that elf. The State is slow.

I have officially paid off my car and I have the title. Last Saturday when I was delivering pizzas as the tornado sirens were going off and the wind and rain was blowing. I knew that was going to be it. I knew that would be when a tree would fall on my paid off car. Then the hail started and the house I was delivering at asked me in out of the rain and then thanked me tipped me and sent me back out to die.

But I didn't die because I am writing a new blog unless well I am a ghost booooo.
Are you scared?

So I now have to come up with a game plan so what is next for me. Next I have been so busy thinking about what I need now next has been nothing but far off dreams.

Though in big news I am going on a cruise with my paranormal group in October. That is 5 days with meals for $340. CAN YOU SAY WHOLLY SHIT!!

There is your quick up date.

1-800-799-SAFE

I have spent the last week or so working on a blog about Domestic Violence I have been extremely stirred about the recent news with Chris Brown and Rihanna. I did some research and made phone calls, talked to someone at The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE). I had statics 1 in 4 women, 1 in 9 men. Asked lots of questions and then as they listed the things that fit in with what is Domestic Violence.

I had to come to terms with my own experience with it which I am still doing and to a large extent, I had never really thought of what had happened as an act of Domestic Violence. As I was telling a friend about it I was still making excuses for him, as if it mattered, he said “uh huh”. That bothered me. It bothered me that I was still after all this time making excuses for his behavior that night. I am not yet in a place where I can share what happened that night here. I don’t know that I ever will be.

I do know that I am going to post more on this topic. The main fact is NO WOMAN OR MAN should have to put up with being treated as less than.

Lies My Mother taught me

Parents like to brag I teach little Jimmy to tell the truth. YA right up till he tells the Diet Tribe that you are part of that you all had lunch at Baskin Robbins today.

I was taught not to lie. One Sunday Daddy missed Church and Mr. and Mrs. Evans two of the Church Elders turned and asked me where my Daddy was (Mom was singing in the Choir)and I with the innocence of my 6 or 7 years told them that my Daddy had had to much to drink last night and stayed home. I remember Mr. Evans' eyes getting wide and him saying "OH" and turning back around in the pew. After Church I told Momma what I had said and she had her first of many mini strokes right there in the car in the church parking lot. " YOU SAID WHAT!?!!?! You're Father ate something that made him sick!" Oh she was pissed. But I had heard her helping him up the stairs that night and them "talking" that morning. Yes Daddy was sick its called a hangover. So I was not tell those kind of things? Ya know LIE.

I was in high school and had gotten suspended over something stupid. I yelled at Mrs. Brasher. She sent me to the office and Mrs. Johnson the Principal suspended me. She asked me " Fran, What is your Mother going to do to you?" I told her "She is going to beat the shit out of me." How many times had that woman told me if I did not straighten up she was going to beat the fire out of me? She had made the threat on numerous occasions. Again this was one was those times my Mother had a mini stroke she was in tears when I picked her up from work. Mrs. Johnson had called her and asked to please not beat me. Well if you don't want me to tell people that you are going to beat me then maybe you should mot tell me to shut my mouth or you will shut it for me.

So I learned from my mother that you don't tell the whole truth which is different from what I was taught because you don't tell the Church Elders that your Dad is home hungover. It is also wrong tell your mother that you are going to the mall and then go and drive thru the parking lot and leave. Well I was at the mall. Why are you mad. I went to the mall I just didn't stay. I didn't lie did I ?

So when you tell your children YOU TOLD HER WHAT? Remember one day they are going to use this whole not tell you the whole truth thing back on you and well just remember Dad had to much to drink last night. My Mother is still pissed about that.

What did you read?

I saw this in a window of a closed shop while we were in Mobile, Al for Mardi Gras. When you first read the T-shirt what was your first thought? When you read “I Read Dead People.” Who did you think of or what? If I told you it was a book store mixed amongst a bunch of funky little shops then what would you think of it?

When I first saw this T-shirt I thought of my friend Donna who communicates with the dead. Thus “I read dead people.” It was my first thought, The metaphysical then paranormal.

Then later as I drove back to Nashville I am not sure if you would call it an AHHHH moment or a DUH moment I thought of Steph and her being an English Major and then said “I READ DEAD PEOPLE.” I felt like a dumb ass. The thoughts were you moron dead as in Tolstoy, Shakespeare. Literature! It was a BOOK STORE WITH BOOKS
I am such a dork.

America's Manliest City

I live in America's Manliest City Nashville, TN. It means that we have lots of Hardware Stores and Truck Rallies and men who hunt. I have dated some of these men and I don't want them. They are pigs. Someone over at Asylum is all pissy because New York didn't get the title and is whinning how country music is not manly well hell dumb ass why don't you bring your little prissy ass down here and shot and clean a deer. Not that I want to do that myself I will just eat it.But yea come on come kill your dinner.

It seems that all the cities that came in behind Nashville are a little miffed too. Because we have men that fart and scratch their balls in public. I know the idea of having more monster truck rallies has me wanting to run down there and catch me a husband because I love me some monster truck rallies just as much as I love Republicans and the whole truck rally thing is not something I have tried yet.

It was freakin COMBOS people now those I love. But the pizza ones not the cracker Cheddar ones. But I am off topic it was not like it was Budwiser that said it. Nor was it the ever manly makers shot gun shells. Not even Jack Daniels. It was a snack food and not a very popular one at that. But still all you loser cities can stick it.

Beads add Ten pounds +

Who the hell is that woman with all those beads and that turkey neck? Yes that is three prades worth of beads but how many cookies and plates of pasta is that? OMG !?!?! Why don't I have friends with small kids I can give some of those too and annoy their parents? Or a BF I can make earn them?

Self vs. Higher Self

I was there. I was caught up I was saying to myself.

Self: you are all caught up you could quit that second job and just relax until everything comes through you'll be OK.

Higher Self: look here you should wait till the money is in the bank. You know that is the smart thing to do. You know that as soon as you think you're in the clear something happens.

Self: Well of course it is the smart thing to do. And of course something happens it always does. It is like coming home from school early and having sex in your parents bed only for them to pull in the drive way. ( Higher Self rolling eyes) < lots of whinning here > But I want to quit my other job. < stomping feet>


Higher Self: Look here it is really not going to be that much longer. Stop whining. Your friends are really sick of hearing you whine about it. Besides something has happened

Self: How the Hell can they be sick of hearing me whine when I have no friends left because I am always working. What do you mean something has happened? Did I get my check from the IRS?

Higher Self: Yes you got it.

Self: Yes I need that for.....(checking account) wait a freakin minute Well thanks a lot!! You are supposed to cheer me up.

Higher Self: I was trying.

Self: UGH!!

Higher Self: Still you got that good news you have those contracts and have signed them and turned them in so its a matter of time


Self: FREAKIN TIME!!
I can't win.

Inflammatory Breast Cancer

I had never heard of IBC. Have you? I checked it out on snoopes. Then here http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/sites-types/ibc . I ask that if you have a bigger blog roll than me or lots and lots of Girl Friends that you pass this on to them.

What is this thing called a snow blower?

All these people write blogs about about having to drag out the snow blower and blow the side walk and driveway or they'll get a ticket. Which is a shock to me they write you tickets for snow in our driveway? How totally absurd. In the south they will write you a ticket for blowing snow in your drive way but I don't write that kind of blog.

Bunnies

Here is the bunny I promised you all. I know I said you all were going to get this happy bunny post but hell didn't any of you people see that happy bunny love story Fatal Attraction? But I swear this is not going to be that bad.

I have great news I got my lap top back what does this mean you ask. It means that I can post from my living room in front of the TV or better yet like I am now from my bed, because I can't sleep. It also means I can download pictures and I can add pics to my facebook page. I know this is the news you have been waiting to hear from me. Now you are saying WOW my days will be so much better now that The Goddess has her lap top back.

There are many other pluses to this. I can work from home a few days a month. Or better yet a nice local coffee house. I can travel to another city and do work there too. Mwahahaha

It is also going to much easier to plot world domination from my lap top. But it is just after 1 AM here and if I don't get some sleep I will be way behind schedule in world domination so I am going to need minions.

Again with the Deep thought

So my Friend Steph is apparently on this deep thought kick here as of late and has poised yet another deep question she says your answer can't be exercise and drink water. This is also where I swear on my favorite comfy pants that my next blog will be more up beat with cheery things like bunnies and signing raccoons.

What is there in your life that you think you should be doing but don't? Why?

I really think I should be going back to school and working on my Degree. I somehow feel uncompleted without it and as if my life is missing something.

Why don't I? Well, off the bat it is because I am already working 2 jobs I don't need to add school to that. I keep thinking that once I am down to one I will be able to put the focus to school that it really needs. Put on my bobby socks and saddle shoes and go get em.

Secondly well deep inside me in the very dark places of my mind and psyche where I do not let people even me. I don't think I can do it. I see myself as a failure. I am scared to death of heights but I want to jump out of a plane and meet this fear head on. But this fear has a deep hold on me and I would much rather stand in the door of a plane thousands of feet above ground and think about jumping out than face school again. I mean if I fail to jump out of a plane people look at you and say I wouldn't have jumped either.

Then it makes me mad as hell because that bitch wins. The one that told me I couldn't do it in the 6th grade. So I am filled with fear and shame. I am full of shame for not having finished school and full of fear to try and that I never will. Then I am back to shame and we are on to yet another deep question what is your fear.

So I should be going to school and I am not because I am afraid to fail.

No TA TA'S

This isn't honestly all the beads I have. I have many many more. This is a display from the first night we went out. I am home from Mobile none the worse for wear. I ate , I drank , I had a good time and I kept my shirt on the whole time.

The fact there was a fleet in town from the USS HAWES made it hard. Here Sailor Sailor. But seriously I was well behaved.

I did not have Internet access there in Bayou La Batre. My friend had an air card and even that didn't work. So we were out in the middle of no where. The good part of being out in the middle of the Bayou was fresh shrimp at $4 a pound. Yummmy. I brought some home and plan on having a shrimp boil tonight.

So being out there in the middle of no where I did not get to wish RWK a Happy Birthday on Sunday. Sorry I am late. Hope it was a good one.

I was able to let go of a lot of stress while away. That tightness in my chest is gone. But I didn't gain any clarity on other issues going through my head. I did not arrive home with the "THIS IS WHAT I AM GOING TO DO." I still don't have a clue what my next move should be.

I had told the people I traveled with that I was not going to return with them but I was going to stay there in Mobile. "Really? What would you do here?" They asked. My reply had to be honest and the answers was "nothing. I 'd just be running from the problems I didn't want to face at home and those tend to follow you where ever you go." So I came home and now I am going to have to figure out what tune is playing so I can face it. I hope it is a little cheery and not the Storm Trooper March

No Table

This year there was no table for ONE. Don't get all squeally on me and think I met someone that would not be the case.I decided I could either afford to go to Mobile for Mardi Gras with some girlfriends or spend that money on dinner for myself. So I did not go out all dressed up alone for Valentines Day. I freakin worked. I was supposed to deliver pizza but this weekend at job one has been just one major disaster after another and I would have had to cancel my dinner reservations anyway. Not that I was any less ticked off. So I spent valentines day not meeting with my Paranormal Group ( which I have missed the last 3 months we met because of freakin work) not having lunch with some GF like we planned but working and very very grumpy. Because I was stuck at job One long enough that I could not go to job two so I lost money because hey I am on freakin salary.

There was no wow I am wonderful, I love me ,I am great this year. There was a large amount of self pity , loathing and all around grumpiness. But I lived. I am still in a sour ass mood. Thursday can not get soon enough. And if one person ask how was your Valentine's day I might just punch them in the face. So how the hell are you?

What's it like when you have the most fun?

I did this for Steph because I like her best.

I think for me when I have the most fun I am number one With Friends.I am relaxed and at ease. I love it when you can sit ; talk and let it all flow you don't have to worry about what you say. When silence does come it is not uncomfortable it just is. When you laugh so hard that you cry.
When you disagree it is just that you disagree its not a fight our an argument and you learn a new point and can come away going gee I never thought of it quite like that.
It is those times when I feel I come away richer for the time spent with the people.

So What's it like when you have the most fun?

Tips For Job Hunters

I do HR work. I review and check references. Here are a few tips from what I have seen. And because people are stupid.

Now I don’t claim to have good sentence structure which if you read my blog you know this. But....


Dress: Come in to fill out your application dressed nicely flip-flops; shorts and a T-shirt are a no no. Tone down the perfume/cologne, Comb and style your hair, tone down the make-up

Previous Employment: Already have all your background information written down. Asking for a phone book to look up a past employer is not good. Have their address as well as phone number. Remember many companies will require you to fill out an application even though you handed in a resume. Some going back 5 to 10years.

Make sure you have your Driver License, Social Security Card Etc. with you. If you have a special certification CPR, Nurses Licenses have that with you also. Copies of other Certifications might be helpful too bring those along. Without an Advanced Degree we require a copy of the High School Diploma.

Personal References Check with your personal references before you put their name, number and Address down. You want to be sure you have all the correct information and they are willing to speak for you. You might also want to have whom they work for and their title some employers ask for this.

I called a personal reference for one person and they refused to speak to me because he had been her supervisor. "Saying I can not give out a personal reference for an employee".

I have also called only to be told that I have the wrong number that “Joe” no longer has this number and I have had it for 2 years.

I have had the misfortune of calling and the person had passed away months ago.

CHECK WITH PEOPLE

DO NOT USE RELATIVES this means cousins, husbands, wives, live-in BF OR GF ,In-laws etc. It just looks bad.

Make sure you are using people that will return a phone call and avoid using the ones you know call back a missed call and say “ yeah I got a call from this number”. That does not help YOU when I am making calls for 15 applicants a day and I have to call three references and go back 5 years of employment for each. I have called a lot of people today.

If You are trying to get a job use people who will help you get that job. You want to use people that can put together a sentence. I always ask what are
"Suzie's" strenghs and I am often left having to explain to the person I called what I mean by strenghs. You want people that can talk about you in a positive light. People who aren't shocked to know you are looking for a job.

It is simple people you call up your friend "Hey Steph I am applying for some jobs and was wondering of it was OK if I use you as a personal reference." "Thank you" "Let me verify your info is 555-123-4567 still the best way for you to be reached? Or would you rather me use your office number?"

Always have 3 to 5 people whoes names you can give and give names of people that know about your skills in the area you are applying.

OTHER: Turn off your cell phone if you can not stay off your phone long enough to fill out an application how are you going to stay off long enough to do the job you are applying for.

Leave your kids, husband, wife, or friend etc outside better yet at home. If they keep coming in to see how much longer you are going to be then I sure do not need that kind of distraction in the work place.

If you are offered a job and something happens that will prevent you from stating when you say you can, stay in touch with the company. An applicant once applied and was granted a job a death in the family prevented her from starting when she stated she could. We phone her at 2 and 3 weeks after the death to see if she was still interested in the job she did not call back until 6 weeks or more after the stated start date asking if she still had a job. The Answer was No. Had she been in touch we would have worked with her but her lack of action showed something about her we were not interested in and the offer was retracted.

PLEASE PLEASE if you have some crazy ass cutesy little ring back tone or message change it while you are looking for a job. I always think twice when I get this " Hey all my Bitches and Hoes I can't answer my fucking phone leave a message" or something similar your friends may think it is cute the people trying to give you a job don't. Leave a simple message "You have reached the personal voice mail of The Ferngoddess I am sorry I missed your call. Please leave me a message and I will return your call as soon as possible." Leave Jesus out of it.

Sit down and Google your name. Check your Facebook , Myspace , Blogger ETC companies do searches for these now and many a job has been lost over having half dressed photos on Myspace. If the company you are applying for can find it so can their clients. Tone it down and change your profile picture.

That's all I have. Can you tell I have had a rough few weeks?

Do not hit on the person doing the interview. I once had a guy walk in and tell me I was just as sexy as my voice and then during the interview went on to ask me out over and over again. He kept tell me how hot I was. He didn't get the job

Coupons for Condoms

It so happens that in today’s Sunday paper there was a $2.00 off coupon for condoms. YEPPIE discount coupons you gotta love them. It is some how more exciting than picking them up from the local free clinic. Don’t get me wrong that was one of the great things about college were the fish bowls of condoms all over the place. Heck I went to parties where they had baskets of condoms sitting out. What is about growing up that they stop doing that? At what point is it that you stop drinking “The Beast” and start paying for you condoms. It could be that those two come together. The true sign of adulthood more expensive beer and you pay for your birth control. It is either that or pay for diapers.

What could be that ultimate HA was that in the next section of coupons in today’s paper there was also a coupon a pregnancy test. It was only a $1.00 off. So I clipped out both. I mean let’s be realistic here. If you are using condoms there is a chance you might need the pregnancy test.

I mean I do have that ball gown in my closet just in case so why not. Isn’t that all you need in that little dress purse anyway?

Stolen life

My life has been stolen from me. I can give you the list Domino's ,Facebook or just the Internet in general. I am sure I can find someone else to blame. But despite what my Mother may think this is not her fault. I think at this point the only thing that keeps Facebook from totally taking over is the fact my lap top is in the shop.

::Shameless Plug(BTW if you need your computer fixed up let me know my buddy is the one fixing it and he is really good at what he does) End Shameless plug::


I need help. Please send tips I will let you know when I have the pay pal account set up so you do that.

Your Letter

You all know when I go deep cleaning in drawers and what not you are all in trouble because I am going to find something and it is going to bring back a flood of memories and you are going to have to hear about it.

I was looking for my 2007 taxes which I had tore up the house trying to find. I had looked under my bed , in my dresser , in the closest , in my file cabinet and even in the attic I went through my desk once more and could not find my taxes but I did find a white envelope without anything on at but something in it. SO I opened it and read it. It was a love letter. From a man I at one time cared very deeply for things happened and we each moved on. So when I got this love letter from him long after we had both moved on it came as a bit of a shock. I don't know that after I got the letter if I was fair to him or if we were fair to each other. Or maybe if it came down to the past had done to much to each of us. Who we were still wouldn't let it work. I wouldn't let it work. I never doubted his feelings. But I think about him and hope he is well and happy. We have not spoken in sometime. Sadly that can be for the best. I wonder if it is? I often hope when I visit Chattanooga I will run into him. He is just one of those people I want to know is OK. So tucked in a drawer in a plain white envelope is the profession of his love.

Anyway it just got me in thinking. I did find my taxes in the garage. WTF?!?!
But I do still have your letter and Porfiler was a great time.

CELABRATION TIME!!!

It happened not 10 minutes ago. We got the Initial License from the State!!! ONE JOB HERE I COME!!! I want to cry I am so happy. I have been waiting and working on this for over 2 years. And it is Finally here. OK there are a few more forms with the State to sign but there is a BRIGHT LIGHT at the end of the tunnel and I have hope. This all sucks by the fact that I am working all weekend delivering pizza. But this is the last SUPER BOWL weekend I deliver pizza.

I am not going to walk in and quit tonight though I want to. I am going to wait till the money is in the bank but who wants to help me plan a party?

Which Door?

If you could pay your bills and then had money left over what would you do? And I mean send each of the people you owe money to what you owe them and not send enough to each to keep them from shutting off the cable or the lights. But go OH I owe NES 73.25 and send them 73.25 and when you were done there was money there to say I don't know buy a ticket to Jamaica with.

Or do you reach a point where you go humm screw Discover I already owe them a bazillion dollars.

So I am faced with this well issue. To do something wise or be say we STUPID. The fact is stupid can be fun. I have had lots of fun doing stupid things. Though when you are caught and sitting in the Principal's office your like "oops." And you have to weigh if doing this stupid thing is worth the backlash.

But then there is this part of you that really wants to rationalize what your are thinking as not stupid.

I am about 95% sure I am getting some form of a tax return.

So do I buy a new computer with a CD Burner and the ability to download and store sound bites and do power point and other fun stuff.

Or

Do I pay Discover. I mean my credit is shot to hell so it is not going to get worse I can pay them later. Right?

This is what is going on in my head. Discover vs. Computer.

I know I don't have to have a computer. I can take my tax return and pay off a good hunk of Discover but I can also say the reverse. One is wise the other well not so smart But I don't claim to be a rocket scientist.

But as a rule of thumb for me if I make plans for my money say to pay a big hunk off a bill with money coming in. Something big will happen and I will have to say buy a new hot water heater or something like that.

Maybe it would be best to wait until I have the money or maybe I could get it all in ones and find a stripper and shove it in his G-String one bill at a time. If I did it that way who would want to come?

BLANK

I have nothing. I am not filled at all with a sudden burst of inspiration. I can normally sit down and start talking about how I have nothing to say and a page will flow out. I can welcome my friend Mel to the bloggy world. HELLO MEL.

Flash Back

Here we are. Kim Murray Fitzwater, ME , and Holly Yarborough Whitehurst. When we met for lunch yesterday it had been 21 years since we had seen each other. These are people from high school. That place we all hated to be. Kim and Holly are both married with kids. Holly is still funny as hell. For that matter so is Kim. We talked about how angry we were then. Mad at the world. Who was where. Who had died. Who we had seen and who we hadn't. As we went through the list I was shocked that I had kept track of a lot of people. I knew where they were. WOW, I surprised myself.

There was a time in my life when I really felt I had no need for the people from high school. But I do. I sure hope I am not the same person I was then. They aren't. I enjoyed it the time went by so quickly.

We just could not get in 21 years in such a short time. These are women I definitely want in my life. I think they would enrich the mixture that is me. Who can I add to the mix next?

What to say ......an update

It is freakin cold. When I went to lunch at Noon it wa 20. The High for today was suppossed to be 25 I don't think it is gonna make it. Can you say wholey shit batman that is cold. The low tonight 13. Makes me wish I hjad someone to snuggle with.

That plane landed right on the river. That rocks.

I am going to Mardi Gras in Mobile. Deatials to come.

I am going to Iowa for the Porn and Corn II Tour. OK really there is a haunted Ax murder house there. more on that to or is too or also. Confused yet?

My laptop has mother board issues the little plugy thing wont stay pluged into the mother board to hold a charge. Did I tell you this?

All my pics are stuck on my lap top and I can't download new with going to Walmart and getting a virus. Who would have thought you could get sick at Walmart.


I have on rag wool socks.

Oh yea one more thing that jacket is not a winter white and even I wont wear something like that before Easter.

GIRL POWER!!!!!!

Conversation Interuptius

After my last blog post I received an anonymous comment with a link http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28538509. That link is to a story about an Author and Spiritual Leader Neale Donald Walsch whose books I have read and ideas I have to a certain extent embraced. He has groups that meet allover the country to read and discuss his books and ideas. He holds expensive seminars around the country. Neale has written his books based on his Conversations with God thus the title of the book.

I was part of a local discussion group here in Nashville and the group took a turn in leadership I decided I did not want to follow and I left. But I also deeply felt my time in the group had run its course.

OK back to point as I again am rambling sorry but it is one of my lovable qualities right?
Neale had told a story and claimed it as his own. It was not his story but he said it was. It was in fact a story that had been copyrighted by someone else. Oopps.

I was not devastated but I have spent time thinking about how someone could take a story and so deeply internalize it that he thought of it as his own.
Then I look at say my family. I have told a story about my Mother back handing me at the dinner table and her dinner ring busting my lip open. My Mother will say "I never back handed you. You are just making stuff up!" In my mind the abuse happened in my mothers she only lightly swatted me now and again. Who should one believe? We each have our on account of events they are both vastly different.

I think it is very unfortunate that Mr.Walsch took a story that was not his and made it his own. Perhalps I should be scorned for telling people my Mother used to knock the snot out of me. Either way someone is making shit up.

Humans are not perfect. Are there still people out there that do shit that totally blows my mind? Yep. I am still shocked things people do. But this not so much.


I also always thought paying large sums of money to hear him speak was rather cultish

Little DANCE

I have a follower!! Can you believe that? I was so down and depressed you know the whole no one likes everyone hates me. NO ONE reads my blog. It has been quite horrid but now I have proof that there is one person out there that reads my blog. Of course later she might want a kidney.

Speaking of following I followed the traffic this morning through the drive thru at Hardies and did not get what I ordered I can feel the grease coming out of my pours and I did even really enjoy my sausage ham cheese biscuit. The decaf coffee was ok and their coffee sucks bricks.

I have however managed to get Wedensday afternoon off and Thursday I am going to Chattanooga for girls night!! I have not been in since the summer so this will be a nice trip. I am really looking forward to it. That is two reason to dance. Lets see by the end of the day how many more reasons I have to shake my groove thang.

This is so me

http://www.gocomics.com/adamathome/2009/01/03/

So a few weeks ago I went to Sonic got me a Chilli Cheese Dog , Large Onion Ring and a Chocolate Shake and came home to watch tv. People laugh when I say I am being watched but I swear to you there is someone in my home. So when I go all totally BAT SHIT CRAZY you'll know to check the comics

But I did ask a few people if I should feel gulity eatting that and watching the Biggest Loser.

2008

2008
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before? I went to visit Steph and her husband T in St. Petersburg, FL

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don’t want to talk about my resolutions. I resolve to be a better person in 2009 than I was in 2008.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes

4. Did anyone close to you die? Yes my neighbor Mike passed away and a client.

5. What countries did you visit? Never left the USA but I traveled far and wide in my dreams.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? ONE JOB!!

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why. My birthday vacation to see Steph. I saw history being made with the election of Obama.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I don’t feel I achieved a lot this year.I got my student loan paid off.

9. What was your biggest failure this year? Not knowing what I achieved; self-doubt; feeling inadequate; forgetting who I am.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Only my pride was wounded.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Breaks and tires

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? The little people who everyday do the right thing no matter how hard it is just because it is the right thing to do.


13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Where can I start AIG, FORD, GM, Bush, etc.

14. Where did most of your money go? Car payment, house payment.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Did I tell you I got to go to Florida to see Steph for my birthday?

16. What song will always remind you of 2008? Heck I don't have a clue.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder? Got a big old case of the blues
ii. Thinner or fatter? Fatter.
iii .richer or poorer? Poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more? Hanging out with friends, traveling, exercising.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Working.
20. How will you be spending Christmas? Here in Nashville with my family.
21. Did you fall in love in 2008? You know I thought I had but then I pulled my head out of my ass and realized it wasn’t love at all but gas.

22. How many one-night stands? 2 or 3 .

23. What was your favorite TV program? TV? I like CSI, NCIS, How I Met Your Mother

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I don't hate people but I sure as heck don't really like a few people anymore.

25. What was the best book you read? Nothing really rocked me this year.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? That band that sings that sing about that thing . Does Neil Patrick Harris have a band yet?

27. What did you want and get? The greatest friends in the world. I am so blessed with a great group friends whom I would not trade for the world. Ok maybe one of I would trade but only for the cash.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? I can’t remember what I saw

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I was 38. On my birthday I went to dinner with my family. For my birthday Libby gave me a cooking class at Viking and if I have not told Steph flew me to Florida for my birthday!!!

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Staying true to who I am.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? Are shoulder pads still in style?

32. What kept you sane? At this point I am not sure I am still sane. I feel like I have slipped off and really lost part of who I am.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I am over them.

34. What political issue stirred you the most? The War, Gun Control, Equal Human Rights, THE 2008 PRESIDENTAL ELECTION

35. Who did you miss this year? Jonathan and myself.

36. Who was the best new person you met? I really got a chance to meet and talk with T while I was in Florida. I honestly like that guy.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:Sometimes life just freakin sucks.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: “We Shall Over Come”

Uncle Jay's Thoughts on 2008

http://www.unclejayexplains.com/media/UJ%2012-22-08.wmv



Yeah yeah I know in 2009 I will learn to imbed links in my blogg.

HEY YOU!! Stop laughing I will. Really I am serious.

And some where the stars of "How do I look?" die

Did you see it. I sure as hell caught it in today's paper Plaid and those leather red wings with the leather shoe laces are back in style. And I get to do a little dance that all my plaid flannel is once again cool. I mean like I really care it is warm. So is silk but I don't have to dry clean flannel. So can I do the whole grunge thing again that I was doing way before it was cool? SHUT UP SHAMUS! Once again hanging on to old clothes has paid off and I don't have to rush out and buy it when I own vintage. I know you want to touch me don't you? Sit next to me in class because I am so cool. Yeah I thought so. I am THE FERN.

Not the normal

I am still working on my normal New Years Post however I have been thinking back deeper on 2008 and what I want for myself in 2009. What I want to accomplish.

I have spent much of 2008 in a funk it could probably be better classified as depression. My normal News Years Post is all depressing so I am going to fix it before Wednesday. My bloggs have been depressing. Why write and bring down all 4 of you? I want to let go of this I am not good enough. A lot of my issues this year stem from a feeling of inadequacy. I am a poor writer face it my English sucks and I live here. I have run on sentences and badly formed paragraphs etc. I have extremely limited computer skills and I lack a college degree. I want to be Steph’s # 55 and find my fantastic attitude. I seem to have lost that. I miss that girl. Hell I am smart and I know my stuff. I am a well informed person and pretty well read. And I am funny as hell. I want to find that again.

So 2009 is going to be fine. I want to get out of debt. My mortgage will not be what I am getting out of but my car should be paid off by February. That statement could come back to bite me in the ass as in my family we pay off a car and then it gets totaled so before I mail the last payment I am going to take a spirit stick to my car and bless it I might even burn a candle of protection in it just to be safe.

Then Discover will get their money. I can start paying them off. There are a few more out there and I will have to go digging through and find them. But I am not to worried people who you owe money to have a way of finding you.

I would like to spend less time working in 2009 and as I get bills paid off that should happen.

Things at work are slatted to change in the first few months of 2009 though this has been a promise for sometime the staying has a lot to do with the feelings of inadequacy. And now so does the economy. I have got to decide in 2009 if this is what I want to do.

Somewhere in all of this I have got to get back to school.

I have a list of things I NEED to get done around the house. Most of these I put off working on this year because I have been in such a funk I want to spend more time out doors in the sun digging in the dirt. I want to get my house clean and keep it that way. And I would love to knock at least 2 things off my home to do list (things like new screen doors, garage door, paint, etc) things that don’t have to be done but need to be.

I want to get back to eating better. I used to never hit the drive thru and I want to get back to doing things that way. I want to start to exercise again which should help with the funk thing.

I have got to get to where I set a goal and stick to it. How many times have we done this in 2008? I am going to eat better and work out more and I never get there. I never get out of bed and the next morning I am in the drive thru at Hardies.

I used to write in my personal journal nightly and then record my dreams each morning. Once a week I would go back and study those dreams. I miss that too.

I miss time with friends and want to spend more time in 2009 with people I love and enjoy spending time with.


My resolution each year is to be a better person at the end of the year than I was at the beginning I still have not put my finger on what I have done this year to better myself. What deep personal growth I have done. I am though one to believe that I might not see right now what lessons I have gained this year I am sure that one day down the road it will come to me in one of those big huge AAHA moments when I realize I was not that stagnate after all.





Other thoughts and challenges that have arisen.

Leave it to Steph. Before I left to work on this I had left my status on facebook at thinking of my goals for 2009. She has commented to me do the 9 fun things in 2009 with me from our 43 things list well there sister what about we here and now plan a girls weekend for 2009. Then we can work on staying in touch with friends.

Christmas Memories

My Mom made my sister and I dresses and sewed bells in the hem so when we walked they would jingle.

I remember the Christmas it was 17 below here in Nashville and the pipes froze and the guy at the HoJo told us if we would bring our own towels and soap and stay off the beds he would let us shower FOR FREE.

I remember waking my parents up at 5:30 on Christmas Mornings and them begging us to go back to bed.

My Dad going down stairs before all of us to turn on the tree lights and getting the camera. Then standing at the top of the den stairs with our mouths open.

The boss my Mom had who would slaughter a hog and give FRESH Sausage as his gift and his wife would make fresh butter. YUMMY

HOT BUNS

The year my folks had the Swine Flu and were so sick

Mrs. Hayden taking me shopping because my folks were to sick at that new mall in Antioch.

Seeing Santa at 100 Oaks and then again at Harding Mall and asking how he could be in both places.

Walking up the hill at 100 Oaks

The talking Christmas Tree at 100 Oaks

Going to Sears Downtown

The Candle Light Carol Service at Church.
My Bike
My Barbie Dream House
A TV for MY ROOM!!
A CAR!

New Jammies

How if you didn't get socks and underwear it just wasn't Christmas.

The Christmas my Grand Mamie was in the hospital and we stayed at her house in Atlanta and asking how would Santa find us.

My Donny and Marie Barbie Dolls

Leaving School and Steph and I having a car full of dirty laundry.

The thousand lights per branch on the tree

Making Christmas Ornaments that my Mom still hangs on the tree

Decorating the tree and the Ornaments feeling like long lost treasures as we hung them on the tree

My Snow Suit

The fountain I got that spoke to my heart

The Hand Painted Platter

May each of your Christmases be filled with warm memories of Christmases past and full of memories for the future.

So you droped your cell in the toliet

Dear Oprah

Hi Sister. I see again that you are talking about your weight. How you have just put it on. Me too. You say I know what to do and I have the tools and here I am again. Well I feel you I really do. I have put on weight and I started smoking again UGH! Seven years I went without smoking then one day I went and bought a pack. That didn't help me lose weight. I know what I need to do. I know how I should eat. But I don't do it. It's that pesky french fry rule.

It makes me feel so much better that someone who can afford to pay for someone to cook each meal for them still fights the same fight. That it is not just a battle of anyone person or group. When I was at my bone skinnest I would avoid sweets and fried foods and people would say you can afford a peice of cake. I would look them in the face and reply "I have to work just as hard to keep it off as you do to get it off."

But I just stopped working. You are not saying anything to yourself that anyone who has fought the battle of scale has not said. Never again! Only to find yourself there again. You are not alone.

Angry Blogging

"Simpson was not an individual storming a bank and taking property that belonged to others" in the September 2007 incident, the defense's sentencing memorandum said. "This was an individual who truly believed he was not committing a crime and that the law permitted the recovery of one's own property. Apparently that belief was mistaken."( cnn.com)

I wonder is that the way he felt about Nicole too? I mean he was going after what belonged to him. Right?!?!

So right now I sit here and I wait to see how they sentence him. I think this might be the perfect time to let go of the ANGRY Blogging I have been doing. I have been full of negativity here lately. And frankly I don't like it. So I have to move to fix it. So poke me when I am getting all negative.

Maybe I should make a things that bring me joy list like Stephly instead of things that annoy the crap out of me. She might have something there. If I keep this up I might come off her list. I wouldn't want that.


Here's one OJ GOT 15 YEARS DO DA DO DA.

Excuse me while I pitch a Bitch

So yesterday with the cold and the snow and the gray skies I was blue and not all happy smurf blue happy pants. I was pity party blue pissy whoa is me blue. I am still not thrilled but I am not throwing myself under the bus blue either. I am cramping to is that what you want to hear? Which is really rare for me I don’t cramp often.

Plus I am having a zillion people over to my house for a Christmas Party and I have fleas yes freakin fleas people and I have vacuumed and thrown out the bag and done it again I have done it 7 times and I still have fleas. I have sprayed my carpet with TOXIC flea spray and almost killed myself and I still have fleas. And how do I know I almost killed myself because my fucking tongue started to swell that’s how. But damn my carpets are clean. Through this do you know what is sad? When I vacuum each day I am still finding cobwebs and big dust bunnies that I missed the day before? You would think that after I have vacuumed the house for 3 days in a row I would have found all the cobwebs but hell no, so that ticks me off.
And you want to know what else ticks me off cause I have a list:

1. People that call back and say yea I got a call from this number. I am sure you did listen to your DAMN voicemail I freakin left you one. 2. People that bring their kids to a job interview HELLO DUMB ASS you are applying for a job not looking for a day care. 3. People that call and say ya I filled out an application and was wondering if my background check was back. OK and who the HELL ARE YOU? 4. People who don't do the wave when you let them in traffic. 5. That whole pants down around the ass thing. 6. That hair growing out of my chin. 7. Liars 8. Ford, GM, Crysler WHY DON'T YOU fire one or two of your Million dollar Executives, oh and now you figure out you need to leave your plane at home. 9. AIG 10. People that are mean to the helpless. 11. People that are RUDE to servers. 12. Comcast 13. Gum on my shoe.
14. Garden Gnomes. 15. Dust I mean what’s up with that? 16. Hard headed people, kinda poses a problem doesn't it. 17. Cold coffee. 18. burned cookies. 19. Daylight savings time. 20. Dry lips 21. They canceled Sports Night; I am still not over that. 22. Wet news papers 23. Rotten veggies. 24.A plastic fork at Fazoli’s who the hell came up with the idea that spaghetti could be eat well with a plastic fork? 25. The Spork I mean WTF? 26. The dude in front of me at the bank drive through that does not have his stuff ready. 27. People who park in handicapped spaces because they are to freakin lazy to walk so they borrow someone’s card. 28. Sean Hannity 29. Those fools that don’t put their buggy back and just leave it to roll through the parking lot. 30. That person that rides in the left lane and won’t merge so I can pass his ass. 31. People who litter. 32. Fleas 33. Warm beer 34. Brussels sprouts. 35. People who sit there and eat while their kids are screaming their heads off. I get you are making a point but make your point at home and not at the restaurant I am eating at. 36. People who don’t leash their dogs. 37. The medical treatment of our wounded soldiers by the United States Government. 38. The fact some of my ex’s are still breathing. 39. Baggage fees by the airlines. 40. Michael Jackson 41. O.J. Simpson. 42. People that say it will happen when you least expect it. Bite me! 43. The movie Hudson Hawk. I could have put that time in toward my mandatory community service. 44. Cramps. 45. I ma sure I have more so look out.

ICE CREAM

So this week Kristine over at Random and Odd told us to do ouice cream well since I am avoiding junk food in order to lose weight by my Christmas Party I had to pull something out of my archive. I bought this at Ben and Jerry's and it is Chocolate something or another. Did you play?

Good Intentions

Well I think I have finally found a reason to get back into eating right. We all know that I am really good at this whole road to hell thing. I am full of good intentions but not so good with the follow though. I have about 3 and half weeks to lose 10 pounds would rather it be 15 but I will settle for the 10. I know we have been here before but if I don’t have reason this time I don’t know that I ever will. I have very recently started talking to people I went to high school; with girls I have not seen in 20 years. I am going to ask them and their husbands to my and David’s big huge Christmas blow out. I need to look good to see them. I feel like a fat cow. MOOOOO.

I will send out the invites this week so yours should be coming. I am going to email them, which I know would cause Miss. Manners and my Mother to die at the lack of etiquette but well you all will live. I am also debating do I send invites to people who live far away who I know wont make it although I would love to see them? I mean it is not a printing and stamp cost. So if you are going to be in Nashville on the 13th let me know and I’ll give you my address.

So I have to stop going through the drive thru PERIOD. I was much easier to not do that when all they took was cash and if you didn’t have any you ate at home plan and simple. If I don’t have cash I can’t spend it right. WRONG I have a debit card and now everyone and their brother takes plastic. Hell Krystals takes plastic. OK the point to this I have to stop now so I can be skinny and cute for this party

Can I do it this time? I have doubts that was until Steplys wrote her 100 Fav things blog and my fantastic attitude toward life was number 55. So I guess that means I need to take that attitude and get with it. Somehow friends seem to know when you need that little nudge.

Have I always been this lacking in a follow through? Is this depression? I don’t know but I have 3 ½ weeks to drop so weight.